I used to be so desperate. I used to cry myself to sleep at night, and create characters in my head that loved & appreciated me because everyone I knew left me for their relationships. I couldn't go on social media, watch romantic movies, listen to music about love, and I turned away whenever I saw someone kiss another (even my parents!) because otherwise I would become fixated. I became so obsessed with the idea of another person loving me that I logged into my friend's google account and read her letters to her boyfriend so that I could feel some semblance of what that might feel like. And then one day I suddenly just stopped caring... and I came to a realization that I don't need anybody. I've gotten through all of this by myself so why would I need someone to pull me down? I keep hearing people tell me "oh you'll find somebody eventually..." but I have no desire to find anyone. I don't even like dating, it's boring and messy. I think love is blinding. And I have none of the experience, capacity, or tools to love another and I honestly don't want too. I have really bad trust issues, and everyone I have tried to get with has either molested me, assaulted me, used me, or has had no care in the world for me in the end. So why should I waste my time for some superficial love that is everso destined to end? There's just this utmost societal standard of being in a relationship, and I'm sick of it and could care less about it.