What does it mean when a boyfriend is controlling and obsessive?

Question

I’m 18 so only young but I can tell already. Many things happen in my relationship which shows that my boyfriend is controlling and obsessive. he will always want to be with me as much as he can and constantly want to know where I am and who I’m with. If it it people he doesn’t like or boys he’ll come get me. During sex he will bring up arguments, call me names and hit me, but because It’s in sex I don’t know how to feel. I’m just wondering what have I done to make him this way? And can I reverse it?

Answer 1

XRoseDropsX

Xper 3

You have done nothing to make him this way.

If you guys were in a healthy relationship, there would be mutual tust of each other and respect.
I think him coming to pick you and such in that type of situation shows that he doesn't full trust you or that he is extremely jealous and he doesn't want you to hang out with anyone who he feels intimitafe by. Either way, you guys need to have a conversation. If he gets super defensive with confrontation try a very gental approach. Introduce the topic and then ask him what his intentions are. If you talk about it there may be ways where you guys can work together so he can feel comfortal with you hanging out with thepeople you want to. With the sex thing straight up just tell him you dont like when he brings up arguments like that and that it turns you off (if it does). If you dont like being hit like durring sex. tell him. If he can't change his ways to make you feel more comfortable, you should not be dating him. Because you deserve someone who treats you with respect and wants the best for you
Before anything drastic like a break up, communicate.

ColHathi

1 mo
Great points. 👍

Answer 2

ColHathi

Great points. 👍

Answer 3

Rei02 | 80 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

If he is, then you need to break up with him. So sorry that happened to you, but at the same time, I am proud of you because you detected it.

You can't change him, and he is not really loving you even though he insists or will. Also, it is not your fault, he is the way he is because he wants.

Break up with him even though he insists in not doing it and that he can change, PURE LIES!!!

If he is a violent and aggressive person, then try to break up in a different approach. Try to talk about his issues and that you want to break up in a amicably way. If that doesn't work, then look for someone who can help and support you when you talk to him about it.

Answer 4

Bananaman177 | 637 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Caring who you're with and wanting you safe is good. But hitting you or really fighting at all during sex means he's a complete psycho. Maybe he's not evil, but he's all fucked up.

You fucked up and now you need help to escape, so call your parents or whoever is 100% on your side, and tell them you need help getting away from your psycho boyfriend. It's embarrassing but necessary. Don't think about it, just do it, and it'll be over so fast your head will spin.

From now on girl, you need to pay closer fucking attention to who you're seeing. There's only two kinds of people in the world who don't know a psycho when they see one. Girls, and retards. You're already a girl, don't be retarded too.

What does it mean when a boyfriend is controlling and obsessive?

Answer 5

caring__1 | 279 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Chances are, you haven't done anything to make him this way. He was that way before you met him. Controlling people are insecure, and only by controlling others can they feel they have any sense of self-control. You can't reverse something you never created. Always choose a partner for who the person is now, not for the potential you feel they have to become someone else. What you see is what you'll continue to get. What leads you to believe you deserve this abuse? Stop blaming yourself and start accepting the fact he is the person he chooses to be. Even if you believe he is the only one willing to give you any attention, consider the impact on potential children if you choose him as their father.

Answer 6

OlderAndWiser | 5.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

1. It doesn't matter whether it's during sex or during communion, if he hits you, he should be reported to the police and that should be the end of your relationship. Do you think it will get better or worse as you continue to tolerate such behavior?

2. Controlling and obsessive means you need a new boyfriend (even f he didn't hit you.)

Answer 7

jennifer_bloom | 2.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

Break up with him - you can find somebody who treats you better

Answer 8

Daniela1982 | 394 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

If you stay with this guy any longer then you need your head examined. Talking about being one brick short a load. :( I want to know what it means for you as you seem to have low self esteem / self image, that you think this is all right to be treated this way. If you didn't think it was ok in some way then you would already have left. I hope you are just trolling because the situation sounds dire.

Daniela1982

1 mo
So another person who just asks questions and doesn't reply to our comments. I figured she was a troll.

Answer 9

Daniela1982

So another person who just asks questions and doesn't reply to our comments. I figured she was a troll.

Answer 10

Anonymous

first, you have not done anything. he is responsible for himself, his actions and the way he treats, not you! if he is taking it out on you during sex, that's him manipulating you and physiologically abusing you. he's using a special and intimate moment to purposely bring you down, because once he has- he can control and abuse you all he wants. i highly suggest leaving this relationship and not talking to him at all because as soon as someone is controlling who you talk to, you know you have to get out of there.

Answer 11

stalkr

Xper 1

People can have different characters. You are the one who should understand from the things he do if he loves you or not. And coming to hitting you, maybe it turns him on or something. Tell your problem to him and tell him you will help him to figure out what's wrong. If you don't care then dump him. It's your life be happy. Don't think like you won't have anyone if you dump him. It will be hard at first when you leave, you will miss him I ain't gonna lie. But I am definitely sure you will meet someone. Come on there are 8 billion people on earth and you just need one, do the math. Whatever you do be happy...

Answer 12

Alyssa11 | 210 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

It's not your fault and you haven't done anything, okay. <3

You can't reverse it and you need to leave before things spiral out of control. You are so young like you've mentioned and there are endless opportunities ahead of you. It's a crazy world out there with some crazy people... always beware and stay safe!!

Answer 13

Elsa143 | 205 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

First of all : SELFISH. He's really selfish, insecure and greedy. Just throw a random girl at him and see how he reacts. These kind of guys are cheaters themselves and that's why they're overpossesive and suspect you that you'll also do the same. Once he finds someone better, he'll quickly dump you.

Answer 14

Anonymous

Yes. My girl was very willful when I married her. She refused to make me a sandwich one day and was very abusive. I remained calm and quiet. I grabbed her and put her across my knee, lifted her skirt, pulled down her underwear and beat her behind hard with the coal shovel. She screamed and struggled trying to get away. I then took her upstairs and we had sex, she was super wet already and came easily though super angry. She left me and ran home to her parents who laughed and sent her back. She has learned to respect me and after a week was able to sit down as her behind was bruised.

Answer 15

Mad1na

Xper 1

Jesus leave him already clearly being physically hit for no reason is not good. Only time a man should lay hands on a woman is if she likes it or if she strikes him first give her a swift but mild slap or restrain her hands to her sides and press charges. You want equality than you will be treated equal and get the charges just like a man that hits his wife.

Answer 16

GingerGuy | 2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Means you need a new boyfriend. Kind of serious. That's a big "red flag", depending how obsessed and controlling he is. This could also get worse and worse. Often first signs of abusive relationships. But nothing YOU have done. This is just him (and a guy you don't want). You can't reverse it, only HE can but he'd have to see and admit this is his problem and get help for it, which he probably won't do.

Answer 17

Knighted2170 | 171 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Hate to say this but there is no advice or opinion that I give in good conscience to have you stay with him.

What you describe is abuse. Both mentally and physically. You can't change it or reverse it no matter what you do or say.

You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

My only advice is to find someone better.

Answer 18

Bee-Hatch | 86 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

What does it mean? It means you should be planning your exit as soon as possible, and severing contact. You don't have to put up with that kind of crap. You'll just end up miserable.

Answer 19

ywnkfr

Xper 1

Talk about with him and ask him, not the internet...

He may be insecure.
He may be whatever all the people say.
But in the End none of them know him like you do.

If you don t like something he does, tell him but dont be rude.

Just say i don t like that.
I wann have time with my friends.
and so on.

If he puts pressure on you by breaking up its maybe better for both of you.

Answer 20

wittymilf | 415 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

He’s a muppet get out. You haven’t made him that way, he is that way with or without you. He is insecure.

Answer 21

neidabakedd

Xper 5

Basically, at the end he’s going to leave you. I promise it’s not you it’s him. Seriously. They just care about themselves. We’ve all been there in hs

Answer 22

Kooma24

Xper 3

It will only get worse. Break up with him as soon as you can! No joke. He is abusive, should be thrown in jail

Answer 23

Splintercell | 159 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

He sounds insecure, lack of trust with you. He sounds emotionally immature too. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If I were you I’d do one of two things. One lay down the law, if he harms you physically anymore you end the relationship. Since he’s controlling and obsessive it means he needs to mature. Or you just end it now.

Answer 24

Gentlemanlover100

Xper 2

He's been hurt by someone that treated him the same way but that doesn't mean you should suffer out of potty feeling sorry for him. If he's not willing to change or get help leave because they can get dangerous to.

Answer 25

Prettygurl12 | 3.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

You cannot reverse it. Leave his ass. Now. Don't look back.

Answer 26

v851234 | 69 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

Walk away is the best suggestion I can give you deserve better.

Answer 27

winterfox10 | 2.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

That's a sign of narcissism and insecurity. You haven't done anything to make him behave that way, so unfortunately you won't be able to change him.

Lillyxox124

1 mo
Sorry if this is stupid question but could you explain narcissism to me? And why itd make him this way x
winterfox10

1 mo
Here are some symptoms:
Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerate achievements and talents
Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
Take advantage of others to get what they want
Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Be envious of others and believe others envy them
Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
winterfox10

1 mo
Narcissism is a behavioral pattern that is characterized by an inability to cope with not being a center of attention. Narcissists can be both overt and covert, with the covert ones masquerading their feelings of inadequacy behind a mask of false humility.

Answer 28

Lillyxox124

Sorry if this is stupid question but could you explain narcissism to me? And why itd make him this way x

Answer 29

winterfox10

Here are some symptoms:
Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance
Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration
Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
Exaggerate achievements and talents
Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people
Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior
Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
Take advantage of others to get what they want
Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
Be envious of others and believe others envy them
Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious
Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

Become impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment
Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted
React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior
Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior
Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change
Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection
Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

Answer 30

winterfox10

Narcissism is a behavioral pattern that is characterized by an inability to cope with not being a center of attention. Narcissists can be both overt and covert, with the covert ones masquerading their feelings of inadequacy behind a mask of false humility.

Answer 31

Noodle_fan | 107 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

it means you need to dump him asap and report him to police for being abusive , he hit you right? dont forget to collect enough evidences

Answer 32

Wise4myage | 519 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

It means he has issues and you should run in the opposite direction from him.

Answer 33

varan69

Xper 3

That u are gona end up getting hurt (heart broken) and losing many friendships and style. Maybe even you're glamour

Answer 34

Dave31989

Yoda

it means he's likely your father... always telling you what you can and can't do

girls don't want that, TRUST ME

Answer 35

Sessy

Xper 3

What you're describing is domestic violence. He is verbally and physically abusive. You can do nothing to change him. You need to seek help and stay away from this man.

ColHathi

1 mo
^This. Exactly.

Answer 36

ColHathi

^This. Exactly.

Answer 37

prx30

Xper 1

Well obsession is fine up to some sort of level.. but I guess controlling is not cool.. however if he is controlling you on be then u can that he got skills.. lol

Answer 38

justicebeiber

Xper 1

It means its time to leave. When things are good, we still look for better, but when things are legitimately bad we are in doubt what to do and who to ask. It just doesn't add up.

Answer 39

Dchrls78104 | 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

That he's unsuitable for a relationship and that you should reconsider this one.

Answer 40

Joe1956

Xper 5

he is VERY insecure emotionally... he will get worse if you choose to stay with him... it can lead to a very dire situation.

Answer 41

legion6969

Xper 4

Get rid of him, it will just get worse and fuck your head up, seriously.

Answer 42

Anonymous

I will never tolerate a guy telling me I cannot look at anybody else. Sexual jealousy is wack!

Answer 43

sheikalana | 280 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

That's a sign of a toxic relationship that's not Love.

Answer 44

handsomebrady67

Xper 1

Drop that dude like a bad habit before he gets violent , which happens all too often.

Daniela1982

1 mo
If he hits her during se it's already happening.

Answer 45

Daniela1982

If he hits her during se it's already happening.

Answer 46

ColHathi | 201 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

You aren't responsible for that. He would've been that way with everyone, I guarantee it. I really hope you get out before it gets worse. :/

ColHathi

1 mo
Whatever you do, be really careful that he doesn't try to gaslight you by guilting you into thinking you're the one in the wrong with all this controlling obsessive behavior, or thinking that you deserve -any- of that shit.
ColHathi

1 mo
I bet he's gonna convince himself that his behavior is perfectly rational, and won't admit that he's doing a single thing wrong. Maybe he'll even say that if he does something wrong or something bad, that it's because of something you did.

Answer 47

ColHathi

Whatever you do, be really careful that he doesn't try to gaslight you by guilting you into thinking you're the one in the wrong with all this controlling obsessive behavior, or thinking that you deserve -any- of that shit.

Answer 48

ColHathi

I bet he's gonna convince himself that his behavior is perfectly rational, and won't admit that he's doing a single thing wrong. Maybe he'll even say that if he does something wrong or something bad, that it's because of something you did.

Answer 49

Papadingdong

Xper 1

It means he's a self-absorbed, narcissistic, self-conscious, low-esteem asshole. That's what.

Answer 50

UnknownGagsUser | 329 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Controlling freak , should never date this type of men

Answer 51

Anonymous

It means he's an abusive jerk that will never change except to become worse.

Answer 52

CubaPirate | 208 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

You're in an abusive relationship. So get out before you really get hurt

Answer 53

kyliesz | 77 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

it means you have to run away asap

Answer 54

Cherokeehp | 823 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

It means you need to leave him.

Answer 55

Alpha09 | 125 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

It means you should dump him.

Answer 56

Danny_dan92 | 622 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Means he’s an insecure little bitch

Answer 57

Somoneelse

Xper 3

Leave him! He has some issues.

Answer 58

Gedaria | 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

In trouble, be careful...

Answer 59

scooogy | 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

"a boyfriend is controlling and obsessive"

Answer 60

Dman19

Xper 4

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN

Answer 61

bclbn77006

Xper 5

it means he is insecure.

Answer 62

midnightcavern01 | 52 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

It means you get out

Answer 63

bklynbadboy1 | 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

He's an asshole dump him and move on

Lillyxox124

1 mo
He’s not, and I’m not dumping him. I’m looking for advice
VlLEEE

1 mo
You'll dump him. You said you're young. Why ruin it with. A psycho. you might not leave him today, but you will eventually, or maybe one day he'll actually murder you out of rage and jealousy, and you'll really wish you did. There's other fish in the sea, the longer you spend with this guy the less time you get to spend with mr right.

Answer 64

Lillyxox124

He’s not, and I’m not dumping him. I’m looking for advice

Answer 65

VlLEEE

You'll dump him. You said you're young. Why ruin it with. A psycho. you might not leave him today, but you will eventually, or maybe one day he'll actually murder you out of rage and jealousy, and you'll really wish you did. There's other fish in the sea, the longer you spend with this guy the less time you get to spend with mr right.

Answer 66

_Just_A_girl_ | 53 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

You should run.

Answer 67

OceanMelon | 169 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Leave him

Answer 68

morganlove | 66 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

Get away now honey

Answer 69

pizzalovershouse | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Not worth being with

Answer 70

Monil

Xper 2

Talk to him and tell him the way you feel that

Answer 71

Avanika

Xper 1

You should leave him before it gets worst

Answer 72

gandolph3

Yoda

It means he should be an ex boyfriend

Answer 73

iwnthishrtwthmine

Xper 1

he's a man

Answer 74

AmeerX | 622 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

I think he loves you

What does it mean when a boyfriend is controlling and obsessive?

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