Why is dating someone out of pity more hurtful than rejecting them?

Question

My best friend once set me up on a date with her co-worker. Let's call him Mike. He was a bit overweight, had a serious case of facial acne, was awkward and kept getting rejected.

Mike was indeed unattractive and awkward but I tried being nice. We went out on several dates, I let him kiss me (then I reciprocated). I kept pretending and accepted to be his girlfriend when he asked me. I tried to do things to bore him. It wasn't working.

Then I guess lucky for me, he overheard my conversation with my best friend. She knew the truth but kept it a secret. We agreed that if I kept pretending to date him for another 3 months, she would pay me $100. He was more hurt, said he would've rather preferred being rejected and never spoke to either of us (even blocked us too) again. He even changed jobs. At least I didn't reject him.

But seriously... wasn't I doing him a favor at least? I was the only one that accepted being his girlfriend. Isn't dating someone out of pity better than nothing?

Answer 1

hellacray | 688 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

You accepted cash to date him... That's makes you more of a whore than a girlfriend.

You seriously don't see something wrong with dating him out of pity than being real?

Imagine if a guy only dated you because your friend paid him. If you're ok with that well I hope you're ok with a relationship built on a lie.

Answer 2

Dchrls78104 | 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Incorrect. Those who date out of pity may still have a contempt for the individual they are dating; and whether it comes out in an unguarded moment of anger, or is overheard in a conversation, it will ultimately be obvious to the date that real love and interest are not there. Personally, I would take his side on this one.

Answer 3

WesBrewer | 311 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Dating out of pity hurts your pride, whereas not dating at all and being rejected just hurts you, having your pride get hurt is a much deeper pain, that is why he wouldn't have wanted it, although that was still very nice of you to date him at all.

Answer 4

Anonymous

Well, 100 dollars were involved. So I dont think it was totally out of pity.

You could have let him down easy. But didn't need to pretend to like him.

Answer 5

smellfarts | 174 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Hopefully some guy pays you back and make you feel the hurt you caused to that guy.

Asker

1 mo
I was trying to be nice by not rejecting him. I wanted him to at least have the experience of having a girlfriend. That's what he wanted.

Answer 6

Asker

I was trying to be nice by not rejecting him. I wanted him to at least have the experience of having a girlfriend. That's what he wanted.

Answer 7

genericname85 | 3.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

becasue it gives them false hopes. if you don't want them, just reject them and don't build them up to then let them crash down.

Asker

1 mo
Interesting. He was so hurt and in his view, I was the worst girl out of all the others that rejected; the meanest one he ever encountered. He even said I was worse than the couple girls that straight forward called him ugly.
genericname85

1 mo
yeah well he was understandably pissed. because how would you feel about someone dating you out of pity? it feels like a huge condescend. it feels like betrayal, cause you thought you had a fair shot, when really there was never a chance... it's cruel. don't do that. i'm sure you had no malicious intentions but that is really not a nice thing for anyone to go through.
genericname85

1 mo
you know after all, a "date" is not what guys want, so you're not doing them a favor by giving them a date. they want to get to know you better in order to see if you can be their partner... pretend dates are a mean waste of their time plus an unneccessary rollercoaster.

Answer 8

Asker

Interesting. He was so hurt and in his view, I was the worst girl out of all the others that rejected; the meanest one he ever encountered. He even said I was worse than the couple girls that straight forward called him ugly.

Answer 9

genericname85

yeah well he was understandably pissed. because how would you feel about someone dating you out of pity? it feels like a huge condescend. it feels like betrayal, cause you thought you had a fair shot, when really there was never a chance... it's cruel. don't do that. i'm sure you had no malicious intentions but that is really not a nice thing for anyone to go through.

Answer 10

genericname85

you know after all, a "date" is not what guys want, so you're not doing them a favor by giving them a date. they want to get to know you better in order to see if you can be their partner... pretend dates are a mean waste of their time plus an unneccessary rollercoaster.

Why is dating someone out of pity more hurtful than rejecting them?

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