How do you get over someone?

Question

I have strong feelings for my friends with benefits. To the point where he's been all i think about for the past year. We haven't spoken in two weeks and he recently deleted his social media (he didn't block me... I checked lol). Anyway, that was our main source of communication and updates on each other's lives since I don't prefer texting. I'm relieved that I can stop trying to get his attention by posting, but sad that I'll probably never speak let alone see him again. I just want to be over this obsession with him. It's affecting my mental and physical health. I need to find a way to get over him but everything I do reminds me of him. Help!

Answer 1

caring__1 | 281 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

There's no such thing as a bad experience, as long as we learn from it. Bring the knowledge forward and leave the pain in the past.

I'm sensing either there wasn't a clear definition of your relationship from the start, or you just didn't believe the limitations he placed on it. It's always a good idea to know what you're dealing with, so you can prepare your head to work within those guidelines. Never enter a relationship believing the other will change his mind or any other aspect of who he is. You're not going to go to a diner and expect 5 star food and service. We want to appreciate things for what they are rather than for what they can become.

In the future, know the specifics of what you're getting into, seeking clarification of any aspects that aren't clear. Make sure the time frame and guidelines of the opportunity are ones you're comfortable with and work well with how you see yourself. Don't assume you can make yourself comfortable with something that goes against your beliefs. If your feelings change over time, share that knowledge yet don't expect the other to change likewise. If it no longer is comfortable for you to follow the preset guidelines, end the arrangement rather than force change on yourself or the other.

Asker

27 d
The last time we talked we had a conversation about our relationship and how I thought he wasn't a good friend. He said he would try to be a better friend. But then that's the last I heard from him. I just wanted him to respect me like his other friends.
caring__1

27 d
Many times we set ourselves up for disappointment by not being clear and concise. You said he wasn't a good friend, but did you take the time to explain how you define a good friend? Did you seek an understanding of what he meant by "better friend?" Also, telling someone he/she doesn't measure up won't motivate that person to change or take our feelings into consideration. When a person says "try," they're just doing what they believe they need to do to get you off their back. Have you ever said, "I'm going to try to put clothes on before leaving for the store"? If we're truly motivated to do something, we won't say "try"... we just do it.

Answer 2

Asker

The last time we talked we had a conversation about our relationship and how I thought he wasn't a good friend. He said he would try to be a better friend. But then that's the last I heard from him. I just wanted him to respect me like his other friends.

Answer 3

caring__1

Many times we set ourselves up for disappointment by not being clear and concise. You said he wasn't a good friend, but did you take the time to explain how you define a good friend? Did you seek an understanding of what he meant by "better friend?" Also, telling someone he/she doesn't measure up won't motivate that person to change or take our feelings into consideration. When a person says "try," they're just doing what they believe they need to do to get you off their back. Have you ever said, "I'm going to try to put clothes on before leaving for the store"? If we're truly motivated to do something, we won't say "try"... we just do it.

Answer 4

GiventoFly01

Xper 6

This answer won't help you get over him, but it will let you know you aren't alone.
I never got over my best friend who I was in love with. She was the only girl I ever met who shared the same odd and very prude turn ons that I have.
I have been in love with her for 30 years now

Answer 5

Cynicaldreamer | 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

First off, anon, did you ever tell your "friend" your feelings for him? Or do you genuinely want to get over him...

If it's the latter, the best thing I can recommend you do is delete all traces of him from your life: stop trying to trace him on social media or online. No phone calls or texting (I know you said you don't like texting so that should be easy for you). Find ways to distract yourself from him, such as exercise, hobbies, talking and venting to your friends. The last guy I had feelings for and I could not get him off of my mind, I did almost everything and even then it was hard!!! Which is my next warning to you: it's not going to happen overnight. Even with distractions, you're still going to occasionally think of him; and that's normal.

The important thing is to try and move on with your life the best you can and not dwell on the past too much, otherwise you'll never find anyone else that does want you.

Asker

27 d
We have spoken about them and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. And I believe him because of his mental state. we remained friends, but sometimes he doesn't even treat me like a good friend, which bothers me. I feel like I will eventually get over him now that I don't have to keep checking his social media. But it still hurts
Cynicaldreamer

27 d
Ugh, I see; that sucks :|
It sounds like this was for the best- if you would have kept talking and being with him, your feelings for him would have gotten worse, not better because you'd get attached to him.

Yeah, it's going to hurt; I'm not even going to tell you otherwise. I think this space away from him, while it seems hurtful, will help you get over him. Just remember what I said- it's not going to happen overnight. You just to find ways to distract yourself as much as possible, and remind yourself he wasn't the right guy for you
Asker

27 d
You're completely right! Thanks so much for your advice.

Answer 6

Asker

We have spoken about them and he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. And I believe him because of his mental state. we remained friends, but sometimes he doesn't even treat me like a good friend, which bothers me. I feel like I will eventually get over him now that I don't have to keep checking his social media. But it still hurts

Answer 7

Cynicaldreamer

Ugh, I see; that sucks :|
It sounds like this was for the best- if you would have kept talking and being with him, your feelings for him would have gotten worse, not better because you'd get attached to him.

Yeah, it's going to hurt; I'm not even going to tell you otherwise. I think this space away from him, while it seems hurtful, will help you get over him. Just remember what I said- it's not going to happen overnight. You just to find ways to distract yourself as much as possible, and remind yourself he wasn't the right guy for you

Answer 8

Asker

You're completely right! Thanks so much for your advice.

Answer 9

vintagegirl90 | 145 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

I think you need to focus on yourself and invest time in healing. I think you should start writing a covid safe list of things you want to do like gardening, reading, films you want to watch, tv shows you haven’t seen, pick up yoga or meditation, learn to cook a new cuisine or learn a new instrument or listen to some new music. Also make some time to call some friends and talk about how you’re feeling, it’s always to have a good support system in place to motivate you to feel better and heal. At least that’s what I would do in your situation.

Answer 10

Screenwriter | 256 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Go to a professional counselor and work through this.
It's unhealthy to obsess over someone who has no interest and NEVER had an interest in you, except sexually.
This is why FWBs is a terrible choice. Someone always decides they want more and it never works out.

Answer 11

ohshee | 626 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

I went through something like that an sgevwas always on my mind it really was messing me up I kinda asked the same question and the I got a private message I wish I could send you one and say the same thing she said to me. You have to replace it with something and I said ok well it worked because everyday she sent me a message or if both on at the same time we would chat and it was the best thing ever so send me a message let's see

Answer 12

cherieday

Xper 3

Start doing the thing or find new things that bring you joy, make you laugh, feel good about yourself. Also if your down to do the work check out a video on youtube The Relationship Autopsy - The R Spot by iyanla vanzant. That will help you figure out where things did and didn't work and help get clairty. If you want to talk to the other person to get more closer be honest and speak your truth.

Answer 13

martinxdenver

Xper 4

Give yourself time. Focus on something else (new hobbies). Meet other people and control the urge to initiate contact. It's normal if you think about the person sometimes, but when you do all the time, you're probably giving yourself too much free time. But after some time it will be very easy.

Answer 14

scorpy04

Xper 4

He sounds like he wants his cake and eat it You can't be his friend because like most people the sex has become intimate on your side You can't move on while he still able to snap his fingers and your feelings make you go running Your going to need a clean break or what you are feeling now will continue to get worse Its probably not what you want to hear but You can't move on to that special person waiting to find you with your mind attached elsewhee

Answer 15

FriendlyDrugDealer | 283 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

To be honest, the best recipe is time and distraction. It’s rough now because the wound is still fresh from the reality. I know that pain and other people do too.

What worked was getting out of my comfort zone, trying New things , focus on your current goals, etc

Answer 16

bklynbadboy1 | 1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

You need to get back into doing you and get back into life. Surround yourself with friends and family. Your hurting cause you did the worst thing you could've done. You caught feelings for your friends with benefits and that's a major no no. Move on he's obviously got a girlfriend or wife he's not worth your tears or time

Answer 17

Schnyder21

Xper 2

Any chance he feels the same and you could make a go of it? friends with benefits definitely screws with relationship dynamics on both sides. There’s no such thing as no strings.

Asker

27 d
He said he had feelings for me but is hesitant of pursuing a relationship because of his current situation. Hence why he deleted his social media. There's also a love triangle where my best friend (his ex) is involved which is a whole other story lol
Asker

27 d
Situation meaning his battle with depression, unemployment due to covid. etc
Schnyder21

27 d
Complicated. Does your best friend know about you two friends with benefits? Is the code their a deal breaker?
The depression is something for you to think about as well. Not that it’s a bad thing, but are you prepared to choose to be in a relationship with someone who has it? It’ll be tough at times.
Show All Show Less
Asker

27 d
I am currently dealing with depression. So I guess I thought we can console each other even if it's just friends. But he says that we can talk about anything with each other but he hasn't really shown me that.

And my best friend knows that we hooked up before she and I met. But doesn't know that we still do... or did apparently lol
Schnyder21

27 d
Give yourself a time limit and keep going at him for a bit. If it comes to nothing then move on.
I’m sure you’re a great catch and someone will find you. You are still young.

Answer 18

Asker

He said he had feelings for me but is hesitant of pursuing a relationship because of his current situation. Hence why he deleted his social media. There's also a love triangle where my best friend (his ex) is involved which is a whole other story lol

Answer 19

Asker

Situation meaning his battle with depression, unemployment due to covid. etc

Answer 20

Schnyder21

Complicated. Does your best friend know about you two friends with benefits? Is the code their a deal breaker?
The depression is something for you to think about as well. Not that it’s a bad thing, but are you prepared to choose to be in a relationship with someone who has it? It’ll be tough at times.

Answer 21

Asker

I am currently dealing with depression. So I guess I thought we can console each other even if it's just friends. But he says that we can talk about anything with each other but he hasn't really shown me that.

And my best friend knows that we hooked up before she and I met. But doesn't know that we still do... or did apparently lol

Answer 22

Schnyder21

Give yourself a time limit and keep going at him for a bit. If it comes to nothing then move on.
I’m sure you’re a great catch and someone will find you. You are still young.

Answer 23

Anonymous

He’s your friends with benefits and he deleted his social media but didn’t block you, how does that even work?

Well you don’t like texting, but text him anyway. Tell him how you feel. How do people have friends with benefits and are still afraid of calling or texting the person.

Opinion Owner

27 d
Why do girls try to get a guys attention with posts? Guys don’t look into post like that. Just call the man.
Asker

27 d
He actually posted that he will delete his social media. And a mutual friend of ours confirmed it with me lol.

I feel that i'm reaching out wanting to talk about my feelings too much as he only reaches out for sex and platonic conversation. And I guess i'm scared that i'll come off as that crazy overly attached girl that guys are afraid of lol
Opinion Owner

27 d
He probably thinks that’s all you want to talk about. Lots of people fail in relationships because of lack of communication. You have to communicate to him how you feel if you desire a change from him. If he cares about you, he will care about your feelings.

Answer 24

Opinion Owner

Why do girls try to get a guys attention with posts? Guys don’t look into post like that. Just call the man.

Answer 25

Asker

He actually posted that he will delete his social media. And a mutual friend of ours confirmed it with me lol.

I feel that i'm reaching out wanting to talk about my feelings too much as he only reaches out for sex and platonic conversation. And I guess i'm scared that i'll come off as that crazy overly attached girl that guys are afraid of lol

Answer 26

Opinion Owner

He probably thinks that’s all you want to talk about. Lots of people fail in relationships because of lack of communication. You have to communicate to him how you feel if you desire a change from him. If he cares about you, he will care about your feelings.

Answer 27

JakeS00 | 61 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

It takes time for sure, I was always writing how I felt. And that I accepted what went on and it’s okay to feel emotion. It’s okay to still think about them but if you know for sure the relationship is done, think about it here and there and move on. Don’t dwell on it. Or overthink the situation. Do breathing exercises. It was rough for me too. You’ll be okay.

Asker

27 d
Thanks. I usually write about or relationship. But I've been feeling so numb when i try to write lately. I've tried doing different activities and they don't seem to work as I keep thinking about him
JakeS00

27 d
Just keep being active and acknowledging it “was” so it’s time to move to something better.

Answer 28

Asker

Thanks. I usually write about or relationship. But I've been feeling so numb when i try to write lately. I've tried doing different activities and they don't seem to work as I keep thinking about him

Answer 29

JakeS00

Just keep being active and acknowledging it “was” so it’s time to move to something better.

Answer 30

JoeSchmoeCool

Xper 5

Try to surround yourself with other friends and talk about other stuff, play video games, watch movies, etc to keep yourself distracted

Answer 31

boggboss | 4.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Accept nothing will ever happen between the two cut contact if needed and keep your mind on other things

Asker

27 d
I've already accepted that. But I still care for him as a friend. And it hurts that he doesn't even treat me like one.
boggboss

27 d
But thats the point for why u need to move on because he dont care winding why he dont won't help accepting amthat he dont

Answer 32

Asker

I've already accepted that. But I still care for him as a friend. And it hurts that he doesn't even treat me like one.

Answer 33

boggboss

But thats the point for why u need to move on because he dont care winding why he dont won't help accepting amthat he dont

Answer 34

samael_kmarty | 76 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

Don't know , I am still single, never been kissed, so by default virgin

Answer 35

RyanK9b

Xper 5

Difficult, but as one of ex's said.. Get a new one and seek for distraction.

Answer 36

CYNICAL_CRYPTIC

Xper 5

Only the passing time will be successful.

Answer 37

KrakenAttackin | 772 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Find someone else, problem solved.

Answer 38

TraceyByrd

Xper 6

This must be a joke

Answer 39

Anonymous

Why aren't you guys speaking first of all?

Asker

26 d
I think I freaked him out by telling him how he doesn't treat me like a good friend should.

Answer 40

Asker

I think I freaked him out by telling him how he doesn't treat me like a good friend should.

Answer 41

Joker_ | 557 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Somehow

Answer 42

Fuego_exe

Xper 1

Stalk their socials!

How do you get over someone?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girls

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes