How do I explain to my boyfriend, that it's OK to open up to me?

[Kaazsz]

I think we don’t believe you. I’ve seen women say they want their man to open up while also saying they dumped a guy who cried in front of her.


We know the pussy dries up for that shit on instinct.


It’s all about reproduction in my opinion. Society as a whole knows that a man’s reproductive success is damaged by him being emotional. Sure maybe there’s SOME girls who are genuine when they say they wish their man would cry and shit.


But that’s a rare breed. Plenty of women SAY it, but even then, most of them when faced with the reality of a man crying in front of them go from supporting it, to realizing it dries up their pussy when it finally happens.


I think it’s more of a fantasy for women. You THINK you want it. But really, when it happens, poof, dusty dried up pussy. And that is your ruler. If the pussy don’t like it, you don’t like it.


Maybe you have the mental strength to move past it even tho the pussy dried up, and not leave him and not become entirely turned off by him. But if so you’re probably a rare woman.


We all know it’s the truth no matter how much you say it to us. The only way to reverse the “problem” is for a man being emotional to increase his reproductive success. And that’s simply not the reality.


I think toxic masculinity, and everything that society puts on men, is a direct result of reproductive success. We teach your boys to “be men” because we know if they don’t, poof, their romantic lives cease to exist. We shame eachother for lack of sex. We use the status of a man’s reproductive ability as a measure of his quality as a human being.


And don’t deny it. Look at incels. Everyone hates them. Because a man’s reproductive success is everything to his value as a human being. A woman opening her legs, her beauty, how many women, and the average of their beauty, determines a man’s value. Because we’re all just fucking animals trying to bust nuts and make babies. That’s what it’s all about.

[Sparda20xx]

"Men are harboring their feelings and it confuses us women". Let's examine this sentence first. What would make a man not open up? Well society (including men AND women) have stated that emotion besides hungry, horny, and angry is wrong for men. For example, most people would see a woman crying in public and immediately come to her aid, men aren't awarded the same level of support. Emotions are viewed as anti masculine. Men struggle with preserving their manhood, and just being a person.
Now, let's, go to the deeper question at hand. How can encourage him to open up some more. First you need to realize that you and he are two different people. You may be a quite an open person, while he may be reserved. Another possibility is that he is opening up, just maybe not as much ad you'd like. If this scenario is true, then you must be careful in your approach. There's nothing worse than you're trying your best and someone says it's still not good enough.

But let's continue, opening up requires a level of trust and comfort. He needs to feel as if he can be vulnerable around you. If you see he's upset, ask if he's OK. If he says he don't want to talk about it, don't press it. We all have different ways of dealing with stress. I've seen it all too often from women who mean well, but in actuality do more damage than good by pressing an issue. She will then say "Why won't you open up to me". See the problem here is, you made his issue about you. So now he's learned to present himself differently around you. He becomes more stoic and distance in an attempt to avoid an argument.

"But I was just trying to help". And to that extent I believe you. But there are multiple ways of helping. Sometimes the best way to help is to say "Whatever it is babe, I'm here for you."

[btbc92]

You DON'T. It is not for you to get into anybody's head. You not even supposed to it's demonic period. If he wanted to say something he will. If he is comfortable, then again, he will tell you. Men overall do not want to burden somebody else, let alone a woman with their problems. And you have to respect them. Some guys and even women like myself are guarded and prefer not to say anything unless needed, wanted, or desired. And firstly empathy is not you trying to get somebody to open up. But having understanding. What is so important that you need him to OPEN UP to you? It's not that men harbor feelings that it's confusing to us. We women have a hard time remembering that men are not WOMEN. What your asking is what you and I do because were WOMEN. Men are not WOMEN. And the quicker you learn that the easier it eventually becomes to relate to men.

[Bee-Hatch]

Well there's a new one. Creepy question from a woman on here.


You're making a rookie mistake there. Men and women aren't just physically different. They think differently. See things differenty. And communicate differently. It's normal and natural.


This getting to talk thing to you will seem nurturing and cathartic. To him will seem invasive and unwanted. It has potential to drive a wedge between the both of you big enough to split the two of you up.


You see women share what's on their mind with other women. It's what we do. Men take time and where possible figure things out for themselves by themselves. It's polar opposites.

[JKingOff]

You don't. You can tell him straight up until you're blue in the face that it's okay for him to confide in you, but he's not going to pay it any head. the best and only way that you're going to get him to realize that it's okay for him to open up to you is by showing him. Be supportive, make an extra effort to compensate for what he's not good at or what he can't do alone. When he talks give him your undivided attention, and respond with more than simple one-liners. Be self-sufficient. No one is ever going to rely on someone that can't take care of themselves. Above all else be loyal, and honest. Guys don't get butthurt as easily as women do. And it really annoys us whenever people feel like they have to tiptoe around eggshells when they're around us. We've got thicker skin than that, and it's an insult to our personality to think that we're so weak that we can't handle the truth. You're a lot less likely to piss us off if you tell us what's actually going on, I guarantee you that if you lie he will find out and he'll be even more upset than if you simply told him the truth to begin with. When I say honesty I mean with everything... Literally everything! The thought of telling a little white lie should not even cross your mind when you're talking to him.

[Skankhunt]

Usually, men don't open up easily, however, there are some things why your boyfriend might not open up to you:
Your boyfriend don't trust you (enough) to open up.
He doesn't feel emotionally safe with you to open up.
He knows you won't understand him (this can be because of your actions or behavior)
He is too afraid to open up.
He don't love you or there is no connection.

you can do to some things to your boyfriend to ensure him it's okay to open up:
You can open up fisrt to show him that it's okay to open up.
If he opens up tto you, don't use his weaakness (es) against him in the future to hurt him.
Tell him it's okay to show his feelings to you.
Tell him that if he wants to tell/share something with you, that you will be there and listen to him.
Build up trust in you rrelationship.
Create an environment of holding space (holding space is creating time to talk about serious things, to share intimate things, to share secrets, to be vulnerable without being afraid of judgment. Holding space is non judgmental).
Make sure you don't have a judgmental menatlity, or else he will never ope up to you.

And lastly and most improtant thing is, be patient. Don't push him to open up, don't threaten him by leaving him if he won't open up. Don't push him to do something he doesn't want to. Patience is the key.

If you can't deal with this, that he don't open up, the best thing you can do is leave him. Of course, if you really love him you won't do that, you will wait until he is ready to open up to you.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck.

[magiusX26]

moat likely its not holding back feelings (what i think your meaning by harboring) its the fact most men dint expresss their feelings the same way most women do. very likely ge has been expressing everything to you but because its not the way you express such things your not noticing it or your not paying attention to his feelings. to help you out, most things guys process through quiet-ish-ly alone. as in when he goes off into the garage, a long drive, a game, or some other alone time thing he is also mentally going over/through things. most times thats when women come out with "what are you thinking" type of stuff. that just restarts the whole process because you interuptted it. and now you know a part of why guys just get highly annoyed and aggitated by those questions. women are more used to sitting down and talking ouy/about every little emotional thing where as guys will talk out/through some but not all. we dont typically need to go over every little thing that way. both ways are good in each's own way and usually are terrible for the other to do. also on those "what are you thinking" type questions, that often is a source of the "nagging" so commonly reffered to that many question "what nagging?".

[ohshee]

You don't explain what you want him to do ,, what you do is show him how you do it ,, with out one would about him when he is ready to tell you what he wants to tell you he will and more ,, he wants to tell you but how you react or what you say or how you say it ,,, ,, I would say not a word if I was you just a hug and I love you , for being you. Because if you throw your cents in the middle of it ,, it's going to make him think and feel something odds are he will shut back down remember what ever has happen he feels it deep in his hard he's thinking igpf I open up to her , she going to think this or that or she going to feel this way or that way if you love him and if you trust him in time he will want to open up ,, if you talk and talk and try to make him see it your way and thats controlling him and your trying to be in control of his time and feelings

[bowenw]

He may be someone that has been criticized in the past by someone he cares about such as a parent and may have trouble opening up. I suggest encouraging open communication by not being judgmental or critical. Try to give each other equal time in conversations so one is not always dominating. Express your feelings to him on specific topics and ask him how he feels about them. Try asking open ended questions. Some people need more time than others to put their feelings into words so be sure to give him as much time as he needs to think about his answers. Let him know you will never discuss with anyone else what the two of you talk about in private, and be true to your word.

[caring__1]

Guys are so used to females criticizing them or attempting to control them when they share feelings, they just hold them in. If you want him to open up, make sure you prioritize his safety and not any entitlement you feel to respond in any manner. It's OK to seek clarification and show curiosity of how things impact him, but never be judgmental or show an attitude if you hear something you didn't want to hear. Share an example of a situation where you feared possible consequences of being open, yet, when you did, a lot of weight lifted off your shoulders. if you want him to be open and honest with his feelings, he needs to believe you'll accept whatever he shares with no conditions. Though guys may come across strong, their ego tends to be very fragile. Think about how your words might impact him before speaking.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

You don't get into his mind lol.
Be there for him if he wants to speak he will I am sure the same kind lol funny thing there is this girl I know whom I try to open up but even though I am same and less talkative with others but somehow I want her to open up and I know people like us will open up only when they want to you just need to be present when they are ready then they will tell some things and open up so much that you will be even sorry that you asked 😂 and they will not stfu so be careful what you wish for

[Anonymous]

We so that because most women use it as a weapon against us when they are angry. And apologies for it when they calm down and we are supposed to forgive them.

Personally, i wouldn't dare to open up. Maybe after years. A big sign that i personally consider as a good sign is of a girl keep things to herself when i tell her. Even if they are benignly insignificant. But most girls give them away. Specially to their bff's. Which is not favourable. So of he is someone like me, i would suggest keep his secrets, well, secrets.

[Anonymous]

Let him know he's welcome to and you'd like it, but don't "force" it. Be patient. Let him when/if he wants to and when he's ready. It's like us being patient for sex lol. But depending on the type of guy he is, it may never come. Like society teaches women certain things, and no matter how much we guys tell you differently, you'll still do, it's the same with us. We are "programmed" not to. It's "weakness" and not what "men" do. It's ridiculous I know, but so are the things society tells you women. Some guys will never be comfortable opening up.

[M1k3y]

Keep your sensitive information that you share with each other with each other. Provide the right atmosphere for him to feel comfortable, that'll help but not everyone will talk. You have to respect that as well. Pushing them to open up doesn't make them open up.
It takes as long as it takes.

[RawIronhide]

You need to give him some time. Trying to convince him to trust you won't work, he's protecting himself from you. Try to get him to understand that the relationship is dependent on building that trust. He needs to open up weather he get hurt or not, that's what a relationship is.

[Brendan824]

I'm dealing with the same situation with my girlfriend I just acknowledge that she's not that good at expressing herself so I accept it I don't ask I'll let her know how amazing she is I'm just taking it slow with her don't wanna scare her away I'm thinking of asking if it would be easier to express what she wants and what she feels through text even if we are a foot away as saying it is much harder to do so
So I'd say be patient show that you won't leave no need to tell until you go through a rough patch and show that you're still there I'd say that's a good time to let him know

[scholastic_vibez]

It’s difficult for men to be emotional because of the fear women will lose respect for him; nobody wants to love a crybaby. Then of course, the way The Game is played today, the first person who admits their feelings is considered the loser. And the last thing he wants is to think you’ll go behind his back and make fun of his feelings, and perceived moment of weakness to you best female friends.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

I think how you react on the occasions that he does show vulnerability is very important. When he opens up it's important that he knows you not only don't judge him, but that you like that he's sharing something with you. Even a quick "thank you for telling me that" should help

[AsRealAsYouGet]

You gotta make him feel comfortable to do so. Perhaps maybe open up to him first. And if you have and he isn't taking. Maybe there is something truly bothering him he will feel embarrassed about or think he'll lose you.

Promise him he'll never lose you no matter what. But don't betray that promise. I opened up to a girl one time a long time ago and she disappeared on me.

[Jhab96]

Patience is key. Personally for me opening up is like pulling teeth. You need to create a space where he feels as if he won't be judged or criticized. And then just he patient. You can't expect him to pour out everything in one shot. It starts with doses. And the more comfortable he gets the easier it will be for him. Lead by example maybe and be transparent and vulnerable yourself first maybe

[kmala]

Hard to find girls like you these days , lucky guy you allways be like this and love is all about emotions and eyes dedicate songs to each other make video on songs dancing its better way than communication but i will say again its hard to find girls like you these days and he is also not a player he is innocent and shy.

[JackSmy]

You have to find a way to convince him that he can trust you! So many guys get screwed over in divorces, or false accusations, and bullshit, that so many men have no reason to trust women, or let them in, so she can hurt him later!
Why SHOULD he trust you? Why should he believe that he could, trust you? YOU have to EARN THAT TRUST!!

[CelticCrusader]

Ultimately you just have to say the words and be available to talking and communicate. Don't hide things from him and he will learn not to hide them from you. Lead by example and remind him now and then that you are there for him he will talk when he's ready.

[hahahmm]

Life isn't all about you women. Stop trying to turn a man into a woman. Most women are wired to find problems too so it's not in a guy's interest to tell you everything in his head. It's like the police say: anything you say can & will be used against you.

Next.

[coolhandroo]

There will come a time when he tells you a hard truth. It is at that moment that you decide how much of the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth he feels you can handle and keep a level head with. Most of you fuck that uo. Many if you fuck up every opportunity you get. I rarely feel bad keeping information from women because I won't tolerate hysterics when heavy shit is being handled

[Tomsta]

It's very hard to undo a systemic and societal problem. But let him know that you won't judge him when he opens up. Also don't gossip about it to other people unless he has told you he is fine with it

For men opening up is already frowned upon by our own gender (again it's a societal problem) but having random women gossip about it doesn't make us want to open up any quicker, if anything it will do the opposite

[grega239]

Because we're taught that it's our burden to carry.
We're also told that it's our responsibility as a man to carry a woman's emotional baggage.

So it's kinda pointless to be a pillar of support , that needs support.

This is obviously oversimplified but you get my point.

[chHaynes]

It's just a guy thing we're not for me super emotional about it it's the way we were taught I would recommend to give him some time it's going to take awhile but little subtle things he'll do that you'll notice but he's not going to super emotional about it every little thing

[MecheD]

Most men aren’t programmed that way with fear of being “out of control “ . Most situations in which they view guys that display their feelings. The guy is either gay , the guy is dogged by a woman horribly. And other men treat them just as bad for being as they call it “soft”.

[cth96190]

When a woman says that she wants a man to 'open up' to her, her subconscious is subjecting the man to a shit test.
If the man does 'open up', her subconscious will see him as weak and, therefore, unfit to mate with her.
Women subject men to periodic shit tests throughout a relationship. If a man fails even one of them, the female will monkey branch to the first available unfeeling brute.
This is the main reason why men who understand women will not share anything with a woman.

[Hurlyburly]

How long have you two been together? Maybe he just needs some time to get more comfortable for that.

[AdithyaR]

All you can do is assure him that it's a safe space and he can share his feelings with you. Remind him that you care.
Don't force it on him. Eventually he should feel comfortable to share it with you.

[Paolaa988]

Make him feel as comfortable as possible and reassure him that you care about him and are there to listen and dont plan on hurting his feelings. I usually do that with a partner and reassurance really helps.

[GiventoFly01]

Usually cocaine or a little meth opens up the flood gates lol.
My wife and I know every little dark secret we both tucked away and forgot about. At first it was slightly awkward, but it turned out to be the greatest thing for our marriage

[iseekpinetrees]

You can say it all you want but if your a judgmental person he will not want to open up

[MDollarBill]

He wants to be open. Once he figures out he can be open w/o fear of ridicule, repremand, or rejection, (he'd rather face a firing squad) he will be, but if you do react with any of "the 3 R's" he'll clam up forever.

[AFellowWeeb]

You can't. He will oppen up when feels like doing it, when he feels like he trusts you.
I personally have a hard time trusting in people, and i dont like being forced to open up, sometimes it can actually backfire

[Anonymous]

men do not deal with their emotions The way women do... why can’t women understand that?
we deal with our emotions internally and by ourselves and if we need some support we reach out to other males because they will understand us and they won’t make us feel stupid or shame us for stuff they don’t like or understand.

[Fuego_exe]

I just threathen my friends with love and kindness tbh. most of them open up! May not be a serious way, but sometimes serious isn't what you need. Sometimes you just do a joke a make them feel comfortable talking about it that way.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Just tell him, but don't force things upon him if he doesn't want to.

[Wise4myage]

Just ask nicely and in a persuasive manner, and maybe mention you would be open to the same thing.

[TruthBringer]

The real question you're asking is "Why aren't men opening up to us?"

[DarknessAndDeath]

All you should do is love him and not worry about him opening up. He doesn't want to for good reason. It makes men weaker to be emotional. He wants to be strong.

[Anonymous]

Well they don’t want you to know that we are vulnerable too and try to always look strong but if you tell him it’s ok to open up then he might do it if he trusts you with his feelings

[AmeerX]

Let him be. We men don't like to show vulnerability

[Machiavellio]

By telling him that you won't use what opens up about against him whrn you fall out

[MannMitAntworten]

Be okay with him not wanting too.

[spartan55]

That will likely have the opposite effect.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want him to cry in front of you?

[pink_and_inlove]

Tell him those exact worss

[CarneConChile]

Maybe he has no feelings

[KrakenAttackin]

You are kidding, right?

[Anonymous]

Say it to him