How to move on after losing someone who is irreplaceable?

I just lost my fiancée. We were to marry next month.

She was admitted to the ER the morning of DEC 15. The previous night we were celebrating our 2nd anniversary as a couple on Discord. We were always on Video or Voice, even while I was at work.

She came in with diarrhea and vomiting with abdominal pain. A month ago she was in the ER with black mushy stool, no blood was found. At this point I reasonably assumed a bowel infarction. The doctors ordered an ultrasound and CT scan, found nothing.

Eventually, they wanted to discharge her after the pain had gone down. They were just waiting for her tachycardia to subside. They gave her antacids and anxiety meds. Neither worked. She couldn't keep water down. They then decided to do a colonoscopy.

Twenty Four Hours and One Minute. This is how long after I had come to suspect Bowel Infarction to the time they actually diagnosed it. This was the difference between losing some colon and DYING of SEPTIC SHOCK.
23 d
I flew in to San Diego as soon as I could, but she was already critical. They broke the rules to let me in and visit her. She was under heavy sedation and wouldn't respond to doctors. When I got there and spoke she opened her eyes and looked at me. I told her I love her. She mouthed the words back to me around the ventilator, and frustratedly waved her right hand. I took her hand, the fingertips which were going necrotic, and held her. She squeezed my hand as best she could. I sang Happy Little
23 d
I sang Happy Little Clouds into her ear while stroking her forehead. After an hour, it was her father's turn to visit. I kissed her on the forehead and told her I love her once more.
How to move on after losing someone who is irreplaceable?
Add Opinion