Why does my heart ache for him?

Question

We're both 17, haven't talked since we were 15. We used to be good friends and we liked each other the way innocent kids do in 8th grade and freshman year. Anyways, he felt rejected and it didn't work out, now we go to different high schools. So when we see each other won't speak or smile. He literally walks away from me so I let it go. Now it's New Years and he's on vacation in Florida. which I know because he posted a pic of fireworks at the beach. He's there alone with his family, and for some reason, I felt my heart sink. Like I regret everything that went down between us because I could have been with him, in his arms you right now you know? I have a boyfriend so it's wrong to feel this way, but could someone explain why I feel so heartbroken? I never stopped thinking about him, but I've never felt this emotional the way I am right now... almost like I could cry.

Answer 1

btbc92 | 3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Because you love him. Not saying you don't love your boyfriend either but you really love your friend. Problem is that your heart basically belongs to your friend, but your friend doesn't feel the same way about you apparently. Because if he did he wouldn't be reacting that way. Even if he didn't feel the same way about you, he shouldn't be ignoring you and hurting you. I think at that point you really need to find a way to get closure and move on. Because all that guy is going to do is give you more heartache. You're with somebody that you say you want to be with, don't settle for your boyfriend just because you couldn't get the guy that you really wanted to be with. You can tell your friend, but I think at that point you need to prepare to let both of them go if it's just going to hurt you.

What you're going through is another example what I would feel going through. I don't know how it was at times I'm able to think up these scenarios. But I say by the grace of God that God gives us a braid to use. And through the Holy Spirit you have the wisdom and knowledge to do what needs to be done. But if I was really in your shoes this is what I would say it would do for myself. If I know I'm settling for my boyfriend then that guy deserves better. But if your friend doesn't feel the same way about you , that's fine too. But if he's treating you like you don't even exist. That's not somebody you want either. You have somebody at least that actually cares. Maybe again you need a closure, maybe you can talk to your boyfriend about it. He may get a little upset. But I think if is what's going to give you closure he should be understanding. Just be honest with him about how you really feeling and it what this is doing to you. Just know that 9 out of 10 times is going to tell you to stay away from a guy and cut them off. And you can't blame him for that. But in the end again you have to seriously decide who you really want to be with. But I tell you one thing for sure. How much you love your guy friend, he's not somebody you would want if he's treating you like you're nothing. But he could be ignoring you because he feels the same way but you're with somebody else. So before you decide to do anything, do overall speak with your boyfriend about it. But understand that you're risking your relationship. Over all your focus should be on who you're with. But if it hurt you that badly do overall speak with the person. But ask your boyfriend about this first. As I said before, understand what you are risking.

btbc92

14 d
But I also say it like this. If he doesn't fully understand how you feel then again he's not somebody you should want. You need to overrule say what you got to say to him if he still in contact with you on social media somehow. He can't be avoiding you in public but then he has you around. If it was meant for you two to be together then you would. But I don't think it is right now I don't even think it will be at all. But your heart doesn't need to continue to be torn apart like that. You're very young, and you don't need to have that kind of Heartache. Let's just say I experienced similar in my youth at that time. But plenty of things in my youth was stolen from me. My advice to you is anybody that is bringing you intentional heartache is not somebody that should be in your life.
Asker

14 d
Wow. Thank you for this heartfelt response. I left a lot of details out bc I didn’t think people wanted to read such a long story. It was my fault we stopped being friends. He tried a good amount of times to tell me how he felt, but I was only 14 so I kept avoiding it or laughing it off. When he tried again at this event we were both at, I kind of told him to back off. After that, he just said “fine goodbye (my name)” and he was pissed. We never spoke anymore after that. That was all in freshmen year and we’re seniors now. I remember all the little things he did for me - like when he’d yell at his friends for asking me to check their homework, or grabbing my hand when I was crying. But we never actually dated, so I don’t think I could love him. As for the social media part, he still keeps me on Snapchat but it seems like he unadded a lot of our old friends, including my BFF who he was friends with too back then. We don’t even Snapchat each other but he does look at what I post, which is why she and I are both confused why he wouldn’t just remove me then.
btbc92

14 d
Asker. Your not at fault. You are and were too YOUNG. If he cannot respect and understand that, then it's his problem and he is not for you. Don't beat yourself up for it. Don't make my mistake. If he got pissed off because of that then he's not the right man for you. You would have been dating the wrong man that would have broke your heart. That's a red flag. You deserve better. You know why he looked at what you post? Because he wants to see if he has a chance because he's the one that made the freaking mistake. It's not you that made a mistake he made a mistake. That's why he's looking for you more than you really looking for him. That's a man that just wants control. He doesn't care about you. Most importantly he is not your friend. God would never put you in with a man who does not have a contrite heart.
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btbc92

14 d
That guy is there for your closure and you need to just tell that so-called friend of yours goodbye. The problem is he never told you goodbye. He just want to make you think that so that way he can hurt you because he's the one that's been hurt. A person that loves you doesn't treat you that way. That's just a person who is selfish.
btbc92

14 d
Don't let someone like that punish you for something that you were not ready for.
Asker

14 d
I understand what you’re saying. I don’t think I need to say goodbye to him though just because we already completely lost touch. So I feel like it’s just me who can’t let go of him when he probably doesn’t think about me at all. Or maybe he does, but we have totally different lives right now (different school, different friends) so trying to get together would make no sense. but yes your right, even if we did meet again I should probably say no.
btbc92

14 d
What I mean by the bye, means that you block and have him completely removed from your life. Because if you don't, and nothing gets resolved between you and him, then it's just going to cause more problems and then the front of God forbid affect your relationship with your boyfriend.

Answer 2

btbc92

But I also say it like this. If he doesn't fully understand how you feel then again he's not somebody you should want. You need to overrule say what you got to say to him if he still in contact with you on social media somehow. He can't be avoiding you in public but then he has you around. If it was meant for you two to be together then you would. But I don't think it is right now I don't even think it will be at all. But your heart doesn't need to continue to be torn apart like that. You're very young, and you don't need to have that kind of Heartache. Let's just say I experienced similar in my youth at that time. But plenty of things in my youth was stolen from me. My advice to you is anybody that is bringing you intentional heartache is not somebody that should be in your life.

Answer 3

Asker

Wow. Thank you for this heartfelt response. I left a lot of details out bc I didn’t think people wanted to read such a long story. It was my fault we stopped being friends. He tried a good amount of times to tell me how he felt, but I was only 14 so I kept avoiding it or laughing it off. When he tried again at this event we were both at, I kind of told him to back off. After that, he just said “fine goodbye (my name)” and he was pissed. We never spoke anymore after that. That was all in freshmen year and we’re seniors now. I remember all the little things he did for me - like when he’d yell at his friends for asking me to check their homework, or grabbing my hand when I was crying. But we never actually dated, so I don’t think I could love him. As for the social media part, he still keeps me on Snapchat but it seems like he unadded a lot of our old friends, including my BFF who he was friends with too back then. We don’t even Snapchat each other but he does look at what I post, which is why she and I are both confused why he wouldn’t just remove me then.

Answer 4

btbc92

Asker. Your not at fault. You are and were too YOUNG. If he cannot respect and understand that, then it's his problem and he is not for you. Don't beat yourself up for it. Don't make my mistake. If he got pissed off because of that then he's not the right man for you. You would have been dating the wrong man that would have broke your heart. That's a red flag. You deserve better. You know why he looked at what you post? Because he wants to see if he has a chance because he's the one that made the freaking mistake. It's not you that made a mistake he made a mistake. That's why he's looking for you more than you really looking for him. That's a man that just wants control. He doesn't care about you. Most importantly he is not your friend. God would never put you in with a man who does not have a contrite heart.

Answer 5

btbc92

That guy is there for your closure and you need to just tell that so-called friend of yours goodbye. The problem is he never told you goodbye. He just want to make you think that so that way he can hurt you because he's the one that's been hurt. A person that loves you doesn't treat you that way. That's just a person who is selfish.

Answer 6

btbc92

Don't let someone like that punish you for something that you were not ready for.

Answer 7

Asker

I understand what you’re saying. I don’t think I need to say goodbye to him though just because we already completely lost touch. So I feel like it’s just me who can’t let go of him when he probably doesn’t think about me at all. Or maybe he does, but we have totally different lives right now (different school, different friends) so trying to get together would make no sense. but yes your right, even if we did meet again I should probably say no.

Answer 8

btbc92

What I mean by the bye, means that you block and have him completely removed from your life. Because if you don't, and nothing gets resolved between you and him, then it's just going to cause more problems and then the front of God forbid affect your relationship with your boyfriend.

Answer 9

answerALLquestions | 146 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

Sounds like you regret missing your chance with him and are worried it's ruined forever. Also sounds like you want to break up with your current boyfriend

Answer 10

pizzalovershouse | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Cuz you fell for a guy who dint feel the same

Why does my heart ache for him?

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