I understand what you mean since I've been both the rebound and the guy who rebounded.And I admit I did make the girl wait quite a bit before I made up my mind to stay seriously with her. She's been really patient.
Wow, so you actually stayed and committed with someone that was a rebound? I have to admit, I am very impressed and interested; that is very rare from my experience. Usually, not always, rebounds don't last, or end. She must be quite special to you!
Yep, and it's the longest relationship I have been in too!Admittedly she knew from the start I had just broke up but she still wanted for us to spend time together.I agree with you that's the exception and not the rule though. I've been someone's else rebound and as soon as the initial spark died down, we could barely stay in the same room without feeling embarrassed around each other - me because I knew she didn't want me anymore, her because she didn't want me anymore.
Just to make an example of the differences - with the girl I was the rebound, I showed up the day she wasn't working with takeout. She liked it but practically shoved me out the door.With the other girl I was rebounding, I did something similar but with pizza. Showed up announced, not knowing her friends were there. But I've got a whole other reception - she was very happy, took the chance to show me off to her friends. Had a very pleasant evening all together, even though we had to share two pizzas in five lol.
what are the indicators guys have moved on from their past? (genuinely want to know)
@Julia0803 I'm probably not the best person to ask since, well I'm not a guy, but I would recommend you ask that as a question on here and see what other guys say. I will answer based on what on I personally know however; but again, I'm not a guy so I'm probably not the best person to ask:-He avoids whomever he broke up with, and avoids mentioning her-He no longer contacts said person (online, or real life). Basically he tries to cut ties from them out of his life-He's already dating someone new* (that's iffy because said person might be a rebound)-He cuts all ties with said person on social media!!! As in he's blocked or deleted you from his social media-He point blank tells you it's over or he's over said person.
@Cynicaldreamer Very well said. It can work, but for many people it doesn't. The odds of it all falling apart in the end is high.
@Julia0803 I'm a guy and I confirm what @Cynicaldreamer said. Let me also add that it's important to know WHEN the guy broke up with his last girlfriend and how long their relationship was. If he got with you a few weeks or directly after his relationship with her which lasted a few years, then you're most likely a rebound. If he is like 6 months single and chose to get out there to date again, then you're probably not a rebound. Keep in mind that he may still have feelings for his ex. But with time, that will go away. The best indicator is if he fully focusses on you and not mention his ex (and has no contact with her). If you feel unloved and are wasting time, then that's a sign he is not fully focused on you and you may be a rebound.
@TruthBringer Thank you sir! Now after reading Jean's situation, he is one of the rare exceptions to that, but he 'wanted' to make it work and put the effort in! I'm actually relieved to know that there are exceptions to being a rebound. However... that is not always the case for most, hence why they don't work. The other person is merely a distraction or convenience- which will end up hurting the person that was the rebound.Now I've been reading several comments on here of people refuting saying, "All relationships technically originate from rebounds!" No. Not all of us jump from relationship to relationship without first getting over our exes or moving on with our lives. Nor do we date someone just for the sake of being in a relationship. Not all of us are not that desperate to be tied to someone, so don't lump all of us in that category.
@Cynicaldreamer Very well said. Not every relationship is a rebound. I've waited 2 years to get over my first and most significant heartbreak even though I was the one to initiate the breakup. It took me almost 2 years to fully recover from that relationship. I could have gone and find me a rebound, but I chose to sort myself out before dragging someone else into my mess. People saying that all relationships after the first are "technically a rebound". Well that's their interpertation of what a "rebound" is. I simply see it as a relationship that patches the wounds of the previous. To me, a fresh new relationship that doesn't have to deal with the negatives of the previous is no rebound
@Cynicaldreamer I "somewhat" know a guy who just started going through divorce, and he already has a new girlfriend. Uh, somehow I don't see this working out. The whole thing has "rebound" written all over it.
@ArrowheadSW Yeah I also know the brother of an old friend of mine who was engaged, got cheated on and is now engaged again with a girl he met on Tinder. The new girl clearly is a rebound, but I guess time will tell if it works out or not
@ArrowheadSW Oh dear, that... well let's be real: we all know that's not going to end well. That has "rebound" written all over it. I kind of feel bad for said girlfriend
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I’m sorry this happened to you. I dated a guy recently that had an on and off 4 year relationship and then two didn’t work out. He lied to me and told me the broken up 2 weeks ago when it was actually one and
He just kept talking about his ex on and on. I knew I was a rebound because if he were truly over her, he wouldn’t talk about her. Anyways, that lasted not even for 4 months and he would take all day to answer his phone after making me feel so special at first, but I grew distant because I had a feeling he would never commit to me. He said he was but his actions spoke louder than his words. So look out for the signs!
Oh in my case I knew I was a rebound from the start. I didn't mind it, i was lonely at the time and felt like if the two of us could help eachother then why not. But eventually it became too much to handle and what started as a lonely guy and a girl who just got dumped turned into something a bit possessive so I ended it.Im sorry about what happened to you no one should have to go though that
See my situation was different because for one, he lied to me saying he was done with her since 2 weeks ago. But if you’re done and she keeps harassing you, why didn’t he just block her number and stop entertaining her bs? Long story short, it was just TOO MUCH DRAMA between the both of them. I should’ve been out of there.And back to your situation, what made you become a lonely guy? Did you break up with her or was it mutual?
We never officially dated. Drama is exactly what I try to avoid in life. So i try not to get into commited relationships. We were seeing eachother but it wasn't comitted each could stop anytime and I was clear on that before we started and she only accepted because of that because she "said" she didn't want anything too serious either.As far as my loneliness goes i guess with covid and the fact that I had just graduated but didn't have a job yet I found myself alone, some family to keep me company but no action, no meetings, no people. I enjoy crowds and meeting new people so it got to me after a while
Entering into a relationship right after a break up
of course. My girlfriend and I talked about this the other day, she's really smart cookie. What is really important after a breakup and especially painful one... is spend time with yourself, learn... about yourself, your needs, who you are, learn about the other person, what you want, what is good for you, what worked, what didn't.If just jump from one to another, no way are there learnings. And so the risk is... the underlying cycles repeat. The emotional components that are driving everything... are still in play as there was no growth.It can get VERY serious and very fast. But there can be great pain as the underlying emotional issues inherent in both are worked out. Unless... you get really lucky. For what it's worth...