Does complete honest truth both positive and negative early in a courtship destroy a relationship or make it stronger?

[Jonn123]

I'll put it in the way that Dr. Peterson formulated it: Lying or rather, being dishonest or untruthful, creates short term peace. However, it creates long term conflict. The opposite is true when telling the truth, which creates short term conflict but long term peace. It's tempting to lie or be untruthful, because you avoid conflict short term. But it'll come around and bite you in the buttocks later. However, being truthful will create conflict short term, but it'll bring peace long term.

It's also worth mentioning that there's a fine line between vulnerable and weak. And there's most certainly also a "good" moment and a "bad" moment to be vulnerable. It's not best to share "EVERYTHING" early on, but it's good to be able to be honest during the time you're with your partner. You don't have to tell someone about every little irrelevant thing you've done in the past, if it doesn't affect the present and the future.

Also: Vulnerability and secrets, to a degree, shows trust and that grows the bond between two people. But going all in on it can make it seem like you're weak, have a lot of issues, that you're very ego-centered, and aren't an ideal partner. So in conclusion: Be honest, but know the line between being vulnerable and weak.

[razelove]

Well, it does both. It weeds out people who aren't worth your time, and you wouldn't have gotten close to anyway, and draws those that want to get close to you, well, closer to you. Obviously don't start out with deep dark shit, just be open, answer their questions with blunt honesty, BUT no matter how open and honest you are, let the girl you're with talk!

A date is not a shakespeare play with a 20 minute monologue! You need to ask her to share, even if it's just what power ranger was her favorite, why, and does that affect her favorite color?

[Newhead]

You only need to keep things on a need to know basis until further notice. What would I look like telling a total stranger than I am estranged from my family or was because we are finally rekindling. I had no friends because they all turned on me, couldn't keep a job, was homeless and had to strip to pick myself up? Does that sound like a wholesome person to you? that would scare off most people, understandably so because no one needs to know all that in first meeting, until they get to know the person. This is why you leave things out and tell the basic stuff and trust your intuition.

[Commander_Red]

I don't think early on is a good idea. When I meet someone, I want to know who they are as a person, not their baggage. If they want me to know about that, it's best when we've both grown a mutual level of care for one another, and if it's the first month of us dating, that's a bit too much to handle, especially if I'm still unsure about where the future will take us. Also, there needs to be trust BUILT first. Just because I like a guy, that doesn't mean I'm going to spill all my darkest fears, insecurities, and secrets, as experience has taught me, can bite you in the butt later.

[guesswhoseback]

There needs to be an option C. You need to be honest about fundamental problems early which include: STDs, having kids, if you have shitloads of debt, major medical conditions (I dated a girl who had epilepsy), if you have aggressive stalkers, if you are divorced, if are recently in trouble for a crime, if you ever been admitted to a psych ward.

What can do bring up later: your sexual history, if you had been a bad boy/girl in the past, if you had manageable psychology issues in the past (mild to moderate depression), if you got mommy/daddy issues, if you been traumatized yet rose above it (bullying), if you committed a (non felony) crime in the past but learned your lesson, etc

It’s all about being honest the person you are now vs. the person you were in the past.

[spuitkaas]

You should always be honest, however you can choose what to tell people early one and what not. For example, it's not the best idea to tell someone that you talk with many other girls in the first convo. Not that you never have to bring it up, but it might give a wrong impression on first glance.
I hold by the rule that unless someone asks specifically about it, I won't tell things at first that might give a wrong impression. However I'm always truthful if someone asks.

[Screenwriter]

This isn't an either/or. It depends on what's shared and who's doing the sharing.
Some truths are too heavy to dump on a SO early on. Others might be too personal to share EVER.
A wise person WEIGHS what should be told and if or when.
I'd consult a therapist or counselor about something in particular and use your experience with the person you're considering telling.

[Anonymous]

Ruins it. Obviously you can't be straight up with girls and count on a reliable outcome.
Girls can generally be forthcoming with guys without consequence, but it don't really work the other way. You need to mete out vulnerability according to her level investment. Of course girls are going to emphasize honesty because they want all the information, and the more information they have the better they can render judgement over you and steer toward their desired outcomes. However, honesty doesn't promise success, there's a second component which is simply is it good or bad. You can say good things but if you get caught in a lie then you're done. On the other hand, if you are totally honest and she hears something that she doesn't like, again, you're done.
Better to appropriately manage what you dish out.

[Yads_Is_Back]

It’s a good thing to be honest even at first. I can’t say it makes it stronger because sometimes whatever is revealed can even ruin the relationship, but if the secrets are kept until later on, the relationship will definitely end then too. And sometimes the relationship could have stayed together if you had been honest at the beginning instead of holding it in and breaking up.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

One cannot be possibly completely honest with someone it's not practical and in my opinion it's not possible as well and also we have to know if the person can take the complete honesty both positive and negative.

I would say don't cheat that's enough sine secrets are needed to be taken to our graves honesty can be destructive for relationships as much as lies balance is what required too much of anything could be disastrous even love.


So as per there reception of information better to give it to them.


Build trust first and companionship then lay the the info in installments so they will able to grasp it and handle accordingly if you really have to completely honest

[hahahmm]

The only people even interested in telling everything are those who don't have anything to hide. how does your idea of sharing everything work out when they're in a relationship with someone who has something to hide,? The hider will mirror/pretend to be on the same page and pretend to be sharing when they really aren't.

I'd say it's better to listen a lot & think in the early stages.

[slatyb]

There's honesty, and there's TMI. Share your feelings and anything that is material to the other person's decision to continue the relationship. Share your sexual preferences but you don't need to go into complete detail unless the other person is really into it. But don't keep them a secret either. If you are really into BDSM, as bottom or top, get that out early. Don't wait until you are six months into the relationship to find out your partner is not at all into what you are.

[Browneye57]

Truth is one thing, over-sharing is another. Consider that all those little thoughts floating around in your little pea-brain are not required to be verbalized. Young women are especially prone to this - for some reason they think everything must be spoken. Just STFU.

[Phoenix98]

In genera no though that would depend on the individuals.

In my opinion you can't have a healthy relationship without first having trust and honestly. If you can't be honest with your partner and trust one another then what basis is that for a relationship?

[DanaeAdam5]

If you feel like you cannot be completely honest with your significant other without destroying your relationship, then the relationship is already ruined.

[RingOfFire]

It depends. If someone has a sexually transmitted disease, for example, it might not be best for them to start off with "Hi, I'm Julie, I have herpes."

There's an appropriate and inappropriate time for everything. Talking about your warts and skeletons with someone you are in a relationship is no different.

[Spiffy_and_Tails]

If honesty kills the relationship then it's better off dead.

"Going heavy on vulnerability/secrets" should only happen after you trust your partner. That does deepen the relationship, but if you aren't careful it will deepen too fast and break.

[Adam1978]

Everyone claims to want honesty no one rewards it or can handle it. If your honest about anything negative you will simply end the relationship there and then.

[SilverRose10]

you can't be completely honest, everyone lies a d sometimes being completely honest can come off as insensitive

[Unit1]

Most people hate and can't handle the truth. The truth is the harbinger of the destructive reality.
let me ask you this: Why do most men cry alone - in your opinion?

[killerboots]

Maybe I'm being sexist but with most women (especially younger), how they feel is the number 1 priority in their life. So telling the truth or being honest could ruin the courtship if it doesn't make them feel good or comfortable.

[the_imperfectionist]

Both depending on the type of person that you both are. But I like it because it really multiplies the trust factor.

[TremorJay]

It only destroys what isn't meant to last in the first place

[TerminallyChill]

It depends on the type of people. More well adjusted and intelligent people are going to prefer the honesty, most people in general probably want a mix of truth and lie.

[AFellowWeeb]

This includes body count too ladies ( for all of you that voted yes )

[Bananaman177]

if you can learn how to tell brutal truths in a nice way and you can literally rule the world.

[NoblesseObligeKK]

I would see it as a net positive, hiding what you want and trying to passively tell your partner things will only cause fustration on both sides.

[TeeBar]

Complete honesty in a relationship is like anal sex, one should enter slowly and carefully.

[humanearth]

I dont care. I just came to say that girl with the green jeans has a nice ass.

[Vetis]

Yes, because there exists even on a small level a difference between speaking with 100% honesty and being 100% real.

[JakeS00]

Suppose there isn't a foundation, trust, complete honesty, and integrity. It will crumble every time. It's a must.

[Louistruman19]

In general, the truth tends to separate people. Lies tend to bring/keep people together.

[OddBeMe]

At first? Yeah probably destroys the romance. After some time and you know each other, yes absolute truth is a gift.

[Synikal]

Depends on the truth. I snore loudly versus I collect doll heads. As you can imagine, snoring is a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who thinks complete honest truth is ever a good thing at any stage in a relationship has not really thought that through very well.

[IlluminatiExposed0]

If the relationship can't survive honesty it's best to find out early.

[Jamie05rhs]

That girl is extremely attractive. Not only does she have a great butt, but that outfit is about the cutest thing I have ever seen. And I love the colors.

[Tiffanyloves2swallow]

If u don't have trust or honesty than I don't have a healthy relationship

[iseekpinetrees]

Its best to know the dirty details rather than find out later.

[Anonymous]

You can’t be honest with someone but sometimes it doesn’t pan out the way you think it should

[bklynbadboy1]

No it makes it stronger

[DavidFox]

Stronger

[iFarted]

no...