Are relationships a trap?

Question

You're always facing to compromise on anything, you have to fill new expectation (after work and family expectation getting a partner give you even more expectation), you cannot go out when you want, dress like you want, you may not always agree on the holliday destination, or what to eat, which restaurant going to, which family to go for spending Christmas or new years, if you don't like their friends much you're in deep shit and have to support them.
Also more than 50 % of people cheat on their partner no matter if they're married or not, also time for sleeping, if you're a night owl and he's not and want to go to bed at the same time it's new trouble, etc...

So is relationship a trap just like what working is? (working endless hours for a shit pay to be able to buy worthless stuff that you don't need and can live without and being always too tired after work to do anything, using the week end to be able to sleep healthy amount of hours cause you can't in the week end, having to deal with hypocritical and annoying coworker all just for a getting your dumb boss more money).

And getting a relationship on top of that just seem to be pure hell (even more if yo iahve children cause then someone depend on you want you're trapped for life forcing to be submissive to a shitty job jut to feed your child).

Yes

No

Not as simple

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

caring__1 | 275 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

I'd see a relationship as more of a challenge than a trap. A trap provides no way out, so no one would want to enter one. Obviously, many people choose to enter a relationship. Compromise isn't based on keeping score, with only one winning at a time. It is about creatively coming up with solutions that allow both to appreciate tthe results.

If you want to win all the time, that's saying you want to spend the rest of your life surrounded by losers. How can you win if others aren't losing?

One of the main reasons most relationships fail is the fact that most people are too self-focused to be healthy partners. A relationship is what two people choose to create together. Without a team effort, the result isn't worth having.

People generally become more set in their ways as they get older, for they've discovered what truly works for them (not just the familiarity people hold onto in their youth). if you're set in your ways now, growth will be impossible, and you'll be too rigid to interact with anyone by the time you become a senior citizen.

Asker

12 d
They choose to enter one cause that's society expectation also everyone bother you if you aren't in one (especially at a certain age).
I would say the trap is more to have a child, you can never get rid off it and are forced to bite down your pride and liberty to take care of it.

Nobody like the result to a comprise nobody does, it's always a compromise for both are "ok" with but both would have much more preferred to do it their own ways.

I don't see how is it bad to live surrounded by loser, if I can get it how i want to then it's pretty practicable.

No, 50 % of people cheat ( and that is the percentage of people who admit to it), so no a relationship can fail for the most stupid reasons. Also compromising doesn't make a relationship healthy the compromising is never a things someone is 100 % ok with and in the long run they would just get fed up with having to do it.

I guess I have been too much of a spoiled kids, being the preferred one also doesn't help. I'm used to live with people who ask for my opinion and everything and themselves have no much personality (they just don't care about anything, don't care what movie we watch, don't care what we eat, where we go, etc...) so when I don't get my way I just go away and go do it alone. If someone want to eat Mexican and I want to eat Italian then I go and eat Italian alone I don't care. Everybody get to do / eat what they want but this bother them...

Answer 2

Asker

They choose to enter one cause that's society expectation also everyone bother you if you aren't in one (especially at a certain age).
I would say the trap is more to have a child, you can never get rid off it and are forced to bite down your pride and liberty to take care of it.

Nobody like the result to a comprise nobody does, it's always a compromise for both are "ok" with but both would have much more preferred to do it their own ways.

I don't see how is it bad to live surrounded by loser, if I can get it how i want to then it's pretty practicable.

No, 50 % of people cheat ( and that is the percentage of people who admit to it), so no a relationship can fail for the most stupid reasons. Also compromising doesn't make a relationship healthy the compromising is never a things someone is 100 % ok with and in the long run they would just get fed up with having to do it.

I guess I have been too much of a spoiled kids, being the preferred one also doesn't help. I'm used to live with people who ask for my opinion and everything and themselves have no much personality (they just don't care about anything, don't care what movie we watch, don't care what we eat, where we go, etc...) so when I don't get my way I just go away and go do it alone. If someone want to eat Mexican and I want to eat Italian then I go and eat Italian alone I don't care. Everybody get to do / eat what they want but this bother them...

Answer 3

Madhatter920 | 397 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

A bad relationship can seem like a trap, yes. Much like a bad job. However, a good relationship or a good job are entirely different stories. I mean rich people jobs where you work for like 4 hours a week and spend the rest of the time golfing or on a yacht or getting hammered on expensive wine or whatever rich fucks do. A good relationship is also a very different experience, where you actually enjoy spending time with your partner. No relationship is without its compromises or occasional fights, but when you feel fulfilled, it just doesn't really bother you.

Most of us don't have that good relationship. Many of us never will. But not to try, not to search is foolishness, I think. You don't have to find someone else's version of a perfect relationship. You have to find yours. I suspect you'd like a guy who you can come home to, enjoy spending time with, and then go do your own shit while you both entertain yourselves separately for a while. Which is a perfectly fair relationship goal and totally achievable. Date an introvert. Be alone, together.

Asker

12 d
When you aren't rich and come from a normal middle class family there's only annoying jobs with horrible coworker, I'm not one to talk neither like to talk about my personal life and this offense my coworker and boss and even if I work better than everyone else they just decide to fire me cause getting along with coworker is more important than working good (all this just cause I do not wish to speak about my personal life and prefer doing my jobs than having useless small talk).

I feel like I'm suffocating in a relationship there's too much expectation to fulfill this combined with my family expectation, friends expectation and society expectation as a whole just make me feel like I'm going crazy, all I want to do is isolate myself from everything and live away from everyone.

I would like someone who make enough money so I can never work again and never have to leave my house again, someone who doesn't ask me to change anything and like the same things as me, also never ever yell at me or criticizing me.
Madhatter920

12 d
That certainly is the dream. I'd love to win the lottery or something and do exactly that. But that's asking a bit too much... We don't get those luxuries. We don't have any control over where we come from and honestly not a lot of control over what work we can get. Ours hands get forced by our limitations. So things can't be perfect, but they don't have to be terrible, either.

If you aren't happy in the relationship you're in, you don't have to stay in it. You really don't. There is always someone else. I can promise you that. Seek out your happiness.

As for work, well... That's a bit more difficult. We do what we must. It's unlikely we'll ever be rich and that means we've got to work to survive. No getting around that. It's exhausting and the people suck, but if you suffer it now, you can retire one day and be free of it. Until then, you've just got to learn to accept it. As incredibly difficult as I know that is.

But you're not alone. All over the place, there are people feeling exactly what you're feeling and going through exactly what you're going through. If you ever want to just vent some frustrations, shoot me a message. I promise I understand. I've said a lot of the exact same things you have.
Asker

12 d
There's not somebody else cause they're all the same in the end. I always have to take off time from my hobbies for them if not they become jealous and bitter.

Honestly for my work it been 1 years I get off from it. I fell into depression and had to take time off but then I never go back to it (think I will be forced to go back nearly though cause I have an appointment and like I have skills they want they will surely hire me which gives me anxiety attack). Hopefully usually they just hire me for some months and never for a long time.
I can live without working because of my family. They let me live in the house without paying for anything, I just cook and clean and being supportive to them cause of their shitty work.
They let me do so cause when I'm not working I'm in a good mood if not I'm just never moving from my couch and become depressed.

I will think of it thank you, that would be nice to talk with someone that can understand me or just that is ok with listening to me talking without getting fed up with it.
When I said what I truly felt to my parents then just told me I should just suicide cause there's no ways out of it.
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Madhatter920

12 d
I'd argue that's some bad advice from the parents, but there really isn't a way out of it. Your parents won't be around forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to work.

I got laid off back in March, because of the pandemic and I've noticed my mood is a lot better, too. It's not done good things for my savings, but I feel great. lol I'll have to go back to work soon, too. If I can find something. Not looking forward to it, either. But what I've learned is that you really don't need a ton of luxuries to be happy. I don't spend much money, which has made me able to go so long without work or unemployment, and I honestly could go for like another six months without income if I wanted to at this rate. Are your hobbies expensive? You might actually be able to get by doing like a one year on, six months off kind of thing. Or try to get a job working from home, which is the dream.

I'm sure you've had a bad string of needy guys, but I promise not everyone is like that. Some enjoy their personal freedom just as much as you do. I'll admit it's not the most common of relationships, but people do have them. No reason you couldn't too. Just have to be willing to try. Which is a challenge in itself, I know. lol
Asker

12 d
Yea, I thought about doing the easy job that can get you tons of money like prostitute and stuff but I really don't want to do it, I don't feel I would like to do it though I'm so lazy, working full time is shit you have no time for anything.
My hobbies aren't expensive at all, I just like reading books, watching movie / anime / tv show (which I can get all for free with a tv or a laptop) and like video games (which is more cheap cause I buy game old game mainly or when they're sales), only stuff that is expensive would be a PS5 and such but I can also just play on my laptop so it's ok. I would say clothes are expensive cause I like to follow trends but I can live without it, It doesn't bother me that much. And I like cooking but like I live with my mother right now I don't have to pay for anything.
Woking home is great yeah so long as it's part time, after It''s not much.
hardest things is to get motivated, I already feel I don't have enough time to do all that i want to do even though I don't work so XD
Madhatter920

12 d
You don't need to turn to prostitution or anything like that to get by and live comfortably for the lifestyle you want to live. I've been living basically the same way you do. I'm not rich and I haven't enjoyed everywhere I've worked, but I'm comfortable. I have a roommate, so I'm not totally getting by on my own, but I'd be able to get by just the same if I had a wife or girlfriend instead. You could do the same. Work for a year, take six months off. That sort of thing. Totally doable. Would never be able to retire or have kids, so you might regret the long-term, but it's an option.

I feel you on the motivation. I'm not excited to work, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? We get by. There will never be enough time to do everything we want to, short as our lives are, but we can still be happy with what we have, yeah? I hope you find a way. I'll be looking for mine, too. :p
Asker

7 d
I can actually have kids though, in my country they give a lot of money to people who have kids, enough so that you can just not have to work at all (though you need to be single if not it doesn't work). There's hundred of poor people in my country who make hundred of child just to get government money.

It been a years I haven't worked and I had worked like 8 months straight before that but I don't have any motivation to comeback to work right now.
As for retirement my country will also give me money, if you have never worked in your entire life then they're still going to give you money (around 950 euros per months) plus all the electricity, water, etc... who become free since i would be poor and food given to me. My country is pretty cool in terms of help for their people which also do not help in giving motivation to people like me.
Also where I live if you work 6 months then you get 6 months of help (1 years after I left school I worked 6 months for 400 euros cause I worked 3 hours a day and I got 500 euros by doing nothing just staying in my house as unemployment so I earned more money by being unemployment then by having a job which is kind of crazy).

For now I'm happy not working, I guess only time will tell what I'll be forced to do to live comfortably (not having to work much) XD

Answer 4

Asker

When you aren't rich and come from a normal middle class family there's only annoying jobs with horrible coworker, I'm not one to talk neither like to talk about my personal life and this offense my coworker and boss and even if I work better than everyone else they just decide to fire me cause getting along with coworker is more important than working good (all this just cause I do not wish to speak about my personal life and prefer doing my jobs than having useless small talk).

I feel like I'm suffocating in a relationship there's too much expectation to fulfill this combined with my family expectation, friends expectation and society expectation as a whole just make me feel like I'm going crazy, all I want to do is isolate myself from everything and live away from everyone.

I would like someone who make enough money so I can never work again and never have to leave my house again, someone who doesn't ask me to change anything and like the same things as me, also never ever yell at me or criticizing me.

Answer 5

Madhatter920

That certainly is the dream. I'd love to win the lottery or something and do exactly that. But that's asking a bit too much... We don't get those luxuries. We don't have any control over where we come from and honestly not a lot of control over what work we can get. Ours hands get forced by our limitations. So things can't be perfect, but they don't have to be terrible, either.

If you aren't happy in the relationship you're in, you don't have to stay in it. You really don't. There is always someone else. I can promise you that. Seek out your happiness.

As for work, well... That's a bit more difficult. We do what we must. It's unlikely we'll ever be rich and that means we've got to work to survive. No getting around that. It's exhausting and the people suck, but if you suffer it now, you can retire one day and be free of it. Until then, you've just got to learn to accept it. As incredibly difficult as I know that is.

But you're not alone. All over the place, there are people feeling exactly what you're feeling and going through exactly what you're going through. If you ever want to just vent some frustrations, shoot me a message. I promise I understand. I've said a lot of the exact same things you have.

Answer 6

Asker

There's not somebody else cause they're all the same in the end. I always have to take off time from my hobbies for them if not they become jealous and bitter.

Honestly for my work it been 1 years I get off from it. I fell into depression and had to take time off but then I never go back to it (think I will be forced to go back nearly though cause I have an appointment and like I have skills they want they will surely hire me which gives me anxiety attack). Hopefully usually they just hire me for some months and never for a long time.
I can live without working because of my family. They let me live in the house without paying for anything, I just cook and clean and being supportive to them cause of their shitty work.
They let me do so cause when I'm not working I'm in a good mood if not I'm just never moving from my couch and become depressed.

I will think of it thank you, that would be nice to talk with someone that can understand me or just that is ok with listening to me talking without getting fed up with it.
When I said what I truly felt to my parents then just told me I should just suicide cause there's no ways out of it.

Answer 7

Madhatter920

I'd argue that's some bad advice from the parents, but there really isn't a way out of it. Your parents won't be around forever. Sooner or later, you're going to have to work.

I got laid off back in March, because of the pandemic and I've noticed my mood is a lot better, too. It's not done good things for my savings, but I feel great. lol I'll have to go back to work soon, too. If I can find something. Not looking forward to it, either. But what I've learned is that you really don't need a ton of luxuries to be happy. I don't spend much money, which has made me able to go so long without work or unemployment, and I honestly could go for like another six months without income if I wanted to at this rate. Are your hobbies expensive? You might actually be able to get by doing like a one year on, six months off kind of thing. Or try to get a job working from home, which is the dream.

I'm sure you've had a bad string of needy guys, but I promise not everyone is like that. Some enjoy their personal freedom just as much as you do. I'll admit it's not the most common of relationships, but people do have them. No reason you couldn't too. Just have to be willing to try. Which is a challenge in itself, I know. lol

Answer 8

Asker

Yea, I thought about doing the easy job that can get you tons of money like prostitute and stuff but I really don't want to do it, I don't feel I would like to do it though I'm so lazy, working full time is shit you have no time for anything.
My hobbies aren't expensive at all, I just like reading books, watching movie / anime / tv show (which I can get all for free with a tv or a laptop) and like video games (which is more cheap cause I buy game old game mainly or when they're sales), only stuff that is expensive would be a PS5 and such but I can also just play on my laptop so it's ok. I would say clothes are expensive cause I like to follow trends but I can live without it, It doesn't bother me that much. And I like cooking but like I live with my mother right now I don't have to pay for anything.
Woking home is great yeah so long as it's part time, after It''s not much.
hardest things is to get motivated, I already feel I don't have enough time to do all that i want to do even though I don't work so XD

Answer 9

Madhatter920

You don't need to turn to prostitution or anything like that to get by and live comfortably for the lifestyle you want to live. I've been living basically the same way you do. I'm not rich and I haven't enjoyed everywhere I've worked, but I'm comfortable. I have a roommate, so I'm not totally getting by on my own, but I'd be able to get by just the same if I had a wife or girlfriend instead. You could do the same. Work for a year, take six months off. That sort of thing. Totally doable. Would never be able to retire or have kids, so you might regret the long-term, but it's an option.

I feel you on the motivation. I'm not excited to work, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? We get by. There will never be enough time to do everything we want to, short as our lives are, but we can still be happy with what we have, yeah? I hope you find a way. I'll be looking for mine, too. :p

Answer 10

Asker

I can actually have kids though, in my country they give a lot of money to people who have kids, enough so that you can just not have to work at all (though you need to be single if not it doesn't work). There's hundred of poor people in my country who make hundred of child just to get government money.

It been a years I haven't worked and I had worked like 8 months straight before that but I don't have any motivation to comeback to work right now.
As for retirement my country will also give me money, if you have never worked in your entire life then they're still going to give you money (around 950 euros per months) plus all the electricity, water, etc... who become free since i would be poor and food given to me. My country is pretty cool in terms of help for their people which also do not help in giving motivation to people like me.
Also where I live if you work 6 months then you get 6 months of help (1 years after I left school I worked 6 months for 400 euros cause I worked 3 hours a day and I got 500 euros by doing nothing just staying in my house as unemployment so I earned more money by being unemployment then by having a job which is kind of crazy).

For now I'm happy not working, I guess only time will tell what I'll be forced to do to live comfortably (not having to work much) XD

Answer 11

Little_Bumblebee

Xper 6

Of course, it sounds like a drag.. when you're with the wrong person...

You have to find the person you feel like you cannot live without, who you have a connection with and chemistry with and it will not feel like a trap.

Nobody is forcing you to be in a relationship

Asker

12 d
People bother me about it but I don't search for one at all, I'm happy being single, also I have the bad habits to become obsessed with my hobbies so when in a relationship they get jealous and try to force me stop doing what I enjoy for their own sake.

You cannot be free in a relationship cause the others will always force you to stop doing what you enjoy to spend "quality time together" no partner can be 100 % like me and like everything I like. Also I don't sleep at night, I sleep at day time and people always want to go to bed at the same time.

Answer 12

Asker

People bother me about it but I don't search for one at all, I'm happy being single, also I have the bad habits to become obsessed with my hobbies so when in a relationship they get jealous and try to force me stop doing what I enjoy for their own sake.

You cannot be free in a relationship cause the others will always force you to stop doing what you enjoy to spend "quality time together" no partner can be 100 % like me and like everything I like. Also I don't sleep at night, I sleep at day time and people always want to go to bed at the same time.

Answer 13

thimmslicc

Xper 5

It's not a trap.
Your life is a trap.
But you're still working on it.
Trap isn't the word.
If you wanna stay single, just say that.

Asker

7 d
Being with someone would actually be good cause I could become a stay at home wife. I just don't enjoy the fact I have to make compromise and let go of my freedom
thimmslicc

7 d
You have your freedom in a relationship too. Just have to say that in the very beginning. So both sides dont have to feel like they're walking on eggshells.
Being single is actually best! You're happy because no stress thinking of someone else's feelings.
Asker

6 d
You can't really talk in the beginning cause that freak people out (guys freak out over nothing seriously).
Yes, being single is the best but I can't help but fantasize about being in a relationship though what I fantasize about and the reality is completely different and I know I would surely not be able to get the relationship I'm fantasying about so it kind of bother me and confuse me.
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thimmslicc

5 d
Goodluck on finding a relationship. Nothing is perfect.

Answer 14

Asker

Being with someone would actually be good cause I could become a stay at home wife. I just don't enjoy the fact I have to make compromise and let go of my freedom

Answer 15

thimmslicc

You have your freedom in a relationship too. Just have to say that in the very beginning. So both sides dont have to feel like they're walking on eggshells.
Being single is actually best! You're happy because no stress thinking of someone else's feelings.

Answer 16

Asker

You can't really talk in the beginning cause that freak people out (guys freak out over nothing seriously).
Yes, being single is the best but I can't help but fantasize about being in a relationship though what I fantasize about and the reality is completely different and I know I would surely not be able to get the relationship I'm fantasying about so it kind of bother me and confuse me.

Answer 17

thimmslicc

Goodluck on finding a relationship. Nothing is perfect.

Answer 18

OlderAndWiser | 5.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

With an attitude about relationships like that, what could possibly go wrong?

Asker

12 d
Surely the fact that I become completely stupid when I like someone and just do everything I can to make them happy and be prefect for them until the day I suffocate too much and just explode everything to get away and never ever talk to them ever again.
OlderAndWiser

12 d
Yes, that attitude is guaranteed to lead to constant failure.
Asker

12 d
Even with good attitude it can go wrong, my sister has good attitude but get feed up by how clingy her boyfriend is so
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OlderAndWiser

12 d
Yes, you must spend devote some time to carefully selecting a partner.
Asker

9 d
That's such a drag especially when you consider the time it cost you, the heartache and the risk so high of failure.
OlderAndWiser

9 d
Okay, don't spend time being careful in selecting a partner, but expect consequences for the obvious carelessness in that approach.
Asker

7 d
If I'm careful when choosing someone then I end up alone cause to me everyone have bad traits (which is true) it's for this reasons compromise exist in relationship.
OlderAndWiser

7 d
And the way you have done it so far is the only possible way?
Asker

6 d
I don't really see any others honestly.
Asker

6 d
I've lived sheltered nearly all my life so I'm totally clueless about most stuff and am socially awkward, also I think I tend to be quite self centered (but how can I see the world in another light than in my own personal experience?).
So it leaves me confused to everything.
You're surely more skilled than me in relationship and life in general so do you have any good advice to give me? Solution?
OlderAndWiser

6 d
DM me.
Asker

6 d
OK I will

Answer 19

Asker

Surely the fact that I become completely stupid when I like someone and just do everything I can to make them happy and be prefect for them until the day I suffocate too much and just explode everything to get away and never ever talk to them ever again.

Answer 20

OlderAndWiser

Yes, that attitude is guaranteed to lead to constant failure.

Answer 21

Asker

Even with good attitude it can go wrong, my sister has good attitude but get feed up by how clingy her boyfriend is so

Answer 22

OlderAndWiser

Yes, you must spend devote some time to carefully selecting a partner.

Answer 23

Asker

That's such a drag especially when you consider the time it cost you, the heartache and the risk so high of failure.

Answer 24

OlderAndWiser

Okay, don't spend time being careful in selecting a partner, but expect consequences for the obvious carelessness in that approach.

Answer 25

Asker

If I'm careful when choosing someone then I end up alone cause to me everyone have bad traits (which is true) it's for this reasons compromise exist in relationship.

Answer 26

OlderAndWiser

And the way you have done it so far is the only possible way?

Answer 27

Asker

I don't really see any others honestly.

Answer 28

Asker

I've lived sheltered nearly all my life so I'm totally clueless about most stuff and am socially awkward, also I think I tend to be quite self centered (but how can I see the world in another light than in my own personal experience?).
So it leaves me confused to everything.
You're surely more skilled than me in relationship and life in general so do you have any good advice to give me? Solution?

Answer 29

OlderAndWiser

DM me.

Answer 30

Asker

OK I will

Answer 31

Unit1 | 4.3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

They can be IF you let it

All it takes is getting pregnant and your life is ruined to the bottom (and for us men that can mean paying child support for 18 years). A little parasite to be legally forced to support for 20+ years of it's miserable existence. We live in a time, where money is being fought about if it means not going to bed hungry tonight or getting out of the toxic cycle of being an underpaid slave making minimum wage or financing a medical surgery since you've survived with a deviated nasal septum your whole life and couldn't breathe without some drugs (all 3 of which were my cases). And then the nerve to also encourage natalism with such problems persisting and then saying "it's normal". What even are vacations and who or what is Mozambique? Your bank chews away your last nerves with those unrepayable debts you've accumulated.

They can be however a blessing IF you find the right partner

The right partner to survive alongside with. Making the money and never going to bed hungry anymore or lonely again. Traveling together around the globe and relax for some time. Being stressed out and overworked doesn't have to be meaning for your life long. Or one of you lost their job and the other can sustain the living, provided a job is actively being searched for. Today the only way to live a middle class lifestyle is by being childfree and with both working full time. Double the security layer so that if one fails, the other will protect your ass from poverty and being evicted.

Asker

12 d
This is only if you find the perfect partner but with more than 50 % of people cheating and the others huge amount of people where it would be good for a fews years then you'll drift apart it become too tiresome to even try, Idon't have the motivation at least no.
I'm also a pushover if a buy force to be with me then I let him but after I feel like suffocating, I can get away easily from people I love but I can't talk to them and tell them the problem in their face. So I end up doing things I don't want to.

And yes getting pregnant is truly the worse things that can happen.
Unit1

12 d
Well, this is all within your powers to change or to do as you please. Nobody forces you to marry, get pregnant or anything. Or so I hope since you are a pink anon and I don't know where you live. Yes, being cheated on sucks and many people aren't nice or try to get something out of us (as if they are the bad marketers) and so we'll get used to it. Welcome to the world. Being an adult means much more than being 18 years old or older and facing threats on a regular basis.
Asker

12 d
Nobody force me to anything, they just bother me with it but that's about it.
Adult world is truly shitty, how can people stay motivated to live in it when they get so much shit throwing at them everyday?
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Unit1

12 d
I don't mind the adult world. It is what it is. Adult world can theoretically never be perfect or free of idiots. We are best to adapt to it or suffer from not being responsible.
Asker

12 d
Currently I'm avoiding it the best I can, I'm happy right now, only time that is shit is when people try to talk with me about my personal life I feel like an idiot when I tell them i'm still unemployed.
Unit1

12 d
Well, yeah, money is absolutely everything in this world.
No money = you're air.
Unit1

12 d
Here's doing it wrong

Here's doing it right
Asker

9 d
Yes, that's basically it, then they just consider you like a worthless parasite not worth their time.

Kids are definitely the keys to never be free ever again and bring so much problem too, people want to have some cause they only see the positive of it but when they got some they always wonder why they're in so much deep shit then blame the child for it...
Unit1

9 d
Story of my life *sigh*
Asker

9 d
Story of mine too
Unit1

9 d
And thus the childfree were born 🤗
Asker

7 d
Yes :)

Answer 32

Asker

This is only if you find the perfect partner but with more than 50 % of people cheating and the others huge amount of people where it would be good for a fews years then you'll drift apart it become too tiresome to even try, Idon't have the motivation at least no.
I'm also a pushover if a buy force to be with me then I let him but after I feel like suffocating, I can get away easily from people I love but I can't talk to them and tell them the problem in their face. So I end up doing things I don't want to.

And yes getting pregnant is truly the worse things that can happen.

Answer 33

Unit1

Well, this is all within your powers to change or to do as you please. Nobody forces you to marry, get pregnant or anything. Or so I hope since you are a pink anon and I don't know where you live. Yes, being cheated on sucks and many people aren't nice or try to get something out of us (as if they are the bad marketers) and so we'll get used to it. Welcome to the world. Being an adult means much more than being 18 years old or older and facing threats on a regular basis.

Answer 34

Asker

Nobody force me to anything, they just bother me with it but that's about it.
Adult world is truly shitty, how can people stay motivated to live in it when they get so much shit throwing at them everyday?

Answer 35

Unit1

I don't mind the adult world. It is what it is. Adult world can theoretically never be perfect or free of idiots. We are best to adapt to it or suffer from not being responsible.

Answer 36

Asker

Currently I'm avoiding it the best I can, I'm happy right now, only time that is shit is when people try to talk with me about my personal life I feel like an idiot when I tell them i'm still unemployed.

Answer 37

Unit1

Well, yeah, money is absolutely everything in this world.
No money = you're air.

Answer 38

Unit1

Here's doing it wrong

Are relationships a trap?

Here's doing it right

Answer 39

Asker

Yes, that's basically it, then they just consider you like a worthless parasite not worth their time.

Kids are definitely the keys to never be free ever again and bring so much problem too, people want to have some cause they only see the positive of it but when they got some they always wonder why they're in so much deep shit then blame the child for it...

Answer 40

Unit1

Story of my life *sigh*

Answer 41

Asker

Story of mine too

Answer 42

Unit1

And thus the childfree were born 🤗

Answer 43

Asker

Yes :)

Answer 44

talloak | 379 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

I think your comparison between relationships and work is apt. And the reasons for doing so are similar as well. We start relationships and we work if only because it's a lot better than the alternatives. If we have to work to live/don't want to live alone, then the ideal is to find a situation that has many more positives than negatives. Over time, you try to enhance the positives and minimize the negatives. If the negatives come to heavily outweigh the positives, then you look for a new situation.

You put a lot of weight on the negatives (some of which are pretty trivial) and seriously downplay the positives of relationships. Perhaps they are not right for you and for others who can't stand to compromise. That's not the case for most.

Asker

6 d
Which are the negative I have that you deem as trivial?
Which are the positive of a relationship? For me the positive is to feel loved all the time and not having to work (cause my partner would be and i would be a stay at home wife). Others than that there's not much things.
I would like a relationship cause I want to be a stay at home wife and not having to work or go outside my house though most guys aren't ok with those things and I have bad vibe about majority of people so
talloak

6 d
Not getting to choose the restaurant? Most of what you wrote is about control, and compromise is about giving up control for a greater end. You might find someone who will let you control him but that would be a pretty bad relationship. It's not just about not being alone. Relationships are also about being a better person.
Asker

2 d
It's not, it's just a way for two people to feed their loneliness...

Answer 45

Asker

Which are the negative I have that you deem as trivial?
Which are the positive of a relationship? For me the positive is to feel loved all the time and not having to work (cause my partner would be and i would be a stay at home wife). Others than that there's not much things.
I would like a relationship cause I want to be a stay at home wife and not having to work or go outside my house though most guys aren't ok with those things and I have bad vibe about majority of people so

Answer 46

talloak

Not getting to choose the restaurant? Most of what you wrote is about control, and compromise is about giving up control for a greater end. You might find someone who will let you control him but that would be a pretty bad relationship. It's not just about not being alone. Relationships are also about being a better person.

Answer 47

Asker

It's not, it's just a way for two people to feed their loneliness...

Answer 48

MysteriousDarkness | 406 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

You had not one positive thing to say in your post or in your replies. You are way beyond selfish. If people don't go where you want to go or do what you want to do then you leave them behind. You want to livexa life with no job, doing hobbies all night since you choose to sleep during the day, people around you that going aloong with what you say 100% if the time or they are no good to you. In other words inkess you have 100% control of the situation you are in you are not happy. All you will do is push people away being overly negative about the world as you are. You only see the negative.

Asker

9 d
I don't only see the negative I also see the positive but according to my feelings and how I personally feel the negative outweighs the bad. When I look back at the past if I remember something positive that someone did then I would be full of anger once I remember the bad things they did to me and it just stick in my mind pushing the positive things behind.

And it's not really selfish to let people behind if I want to see the star wars and they want to see some romantic movies then everyone get the see the movie that they want, there's nothing selfish about it, everyone get what they wished. What would be selfish would be forcing the other person to watch what I want. In this area I'm pretty cool you do what you want and I do what I want I do not try to force anybody into the things I like so I expect people to do the same.
MysteriousDarkness

8 d
Red Flags
1. If both sides of the coin are not the same you refuse to do what anyone else wants to. You expect others to ynderstand you will then go do what you want to do and they are mot alliwed to go with you.
2. If you are in the middle of one of your hobbies you will pick your hobby over hanging out with people every time. You expect others to be okay with that.
3. You expect nobody to talk to you while at work.
4. Every who, what, where, when, why amd how around you, you expect it to be the way you want it to be.
You choose to be the way you are. By reading your description and replies you have chosen the path of negativity.
Asker

7 d
1. They're allowed to go with me if they want just I don't want them nagging me after. I really don't get in what your ways of doing it is better, I let people have their freedom to chose what they want to do more spend time with me or go do the things they want to do. My mother is like that, my sister too, most of my family is like that and we all go along really well. Nobody become bitter cause they were forced to do something they didn't liked. They have the freedom to chose.
2. Of course just like I would be ok with them doing the same to me, trying to force somebody to stop what they're doing just cause you asked them is selfish.
3. Yea of course I'm here to work not have unless talk, talk about work related stuff are ok others aren't, we're paid to work not to have small talk or drink coffee.
4. Yea if not I become confused and lost.
No I'm just saying the things I saw as I saw them. And giving fact. You can live your life by blinding yourself if you want but I wish to see it as is it really and nothing make sense in this world.
Show All Show Less
MysteriousDarkness

7 d
For anyone to be around you they have to let you control the who, what, where, when, why and how of the entire time hanging out with you. That would be selfish. 🚩
Someone hanging out doing what you want and, then the next time refusing to do what they want to do as long as it's within reason is selfish. 🚩
Believing if someone asks you nicely if you want to hangout means they are forcing you and so you don't hangout with them is selfish. 🚩
Still wanting it to always be about you is selfish. 🚩
You were taught how to be negative and all about just yourself. You and your family are all self-centered and need help to learn how to be decent human beings.
Asker

6 d
Yea unless I don't really care for the stuff I've been planing to do and just follow them (this happened before my sister wanted to watch a movie and I wanted to watch another but turn out I didn't wish to see that movie that much so I just go and see the one she wanted). Though I still don't see what's a red flag about it, a red flag is anybody trying to force me to do their stuff just cause they want me near them.
It's not, it's my freedom.
If I go their way one day then I don't expect them to go my way the week after they're free to do what they want no matter what happened the week before, we don't keep tab that's stupid and this ways you end up feeling trapped and you need to use mind game to get out of there.
If they ask me then I have the option of saying no which I use when I want. Not having the option to say no is forcing people so not good.
It's not, if I don't care about myself nobody is going to do it, they're all going to do their own things and act confused if I open my mouth one day to disagree.
Why should we learn about it? I can also just find someone who have no opinion and just wish to be with me no matter what we're doing. I'm happy this way and so is my family so I don't see in how is it bad to be this ways selfish or not the most important stuff is to be happy, right now Im happy just wondering about the future.
MysteriousDarkness

5 d
When everything is about you it means you do not care about others. Over the years I have seen friendships, relationships, engagements, and marriages end because of someone being all about themself. What I find ridiculous is that you believe that if someone asks you if you want to hang out you automatically think they are trying to force you. You think that way even if what they said was saud nicely and calmly under normal circumstances. You also want to find someone who wants to be around you to the point they go along with everything you want to do and everywhere you want to go. That means you want someone that you can control and that is unhealthy.
Asker

2 d
90 % of relationship are unhealthy, everything is unhealthy right now before there's hundred of stuff considered cool and great that are now considered as unhealthy that's just ridiculous, nearly every relationship, friendship, family, etc.. is unhealthy so truly I don't really care what's healthy and what's not.
Also it's not unhealthy if both people are happy I know I would never be happy in a relationship where I have to do a compromise for them to be happy.

And yes it's forcing cause if I say no they become angry and bitter they can't take no, they never can and then become aggressive if i say no even if i said so nicely. They may come off as nice and all but in true if I don't go along with them they get aggressive with me.

Answer 49

Asker

I don't only see the negative I also see the positive but according to my feelings and how I personally feel the negative outweighs the bad. When I look back at the past if I remember something positive that someone did then I would be full of anger once I remember the bad things they did to me and it just stick in my mind pushing the positive things behind.

And it's not really selfish to let people behind if I want to see the star wars and they want to see some romantic movies then everyone get the see the movie that they want, there's nothing selfish about it, everyone get what they wished. What would be selfish would be forcing the other person to watch what I want. In this area I'm pretty cool you do what you want and I do what I want I do not try to force anybody into the things I like so I expect people to do the same.

Answer 50

MysteriousDarkness

Red Flags
1. If both sides of the coin are not the same you refuse to do what anyone else wants to. You expect others to ynderstand you will then go do what you want to do and they are mot alliwed to go with you.
2. If you are in the middle of one of your hobbies you will pick your hobby over hanging out with people every time. You expect others to be okay with that.
3. You expect nobody to talk to you while at work.
4. Every who, what, where, when, why amd how around you, you expect it to be the way you want it to be.
You choose to be the way you are. By reading your description and replies you have chosen the path of negativity.

Answer 51

Asker

1. They're allowed to go with me if they want just I don't want them nagging me after. I really don't get in what your ways of doing it is better, I let people have their freedom to chose what they want to do more spend time with me or go do the things they want to do. My mother is like that, my sister too, most of my family is like that and we all go along really well. Nobody become bitter cause they were forced to do something they didn't liked. They have the freedom to chose.
2. Of course just like I would be ok with them doing the same to me, trying to force somebody to stop what they're doing just cause you asked them is selfish.
3. Yea of course I'm here to work not have unless talk, talk about work related stuff are ok others aren't, we're paid to work not to have small talk or drink coffee.
4. Yea if not I become confused and lost.
No I'm just saying the things I saw as I saw them. And giving fact. You can live your life by blinding yourself if you want but I wish to see it as is it really and nothing make sense in this world.

Answer 52

MysteriousDarkness

For anyone to be around you they have to let you control the who, what, where, when, why and how of the entire time hanging out with you. That would be selfish. 🚩
Someone hanging out doing what you want and, then the next time refusing to do what they want to do as long as it's within reason is selfish. 🚩
Believing if someone asks you nicely if you want to hangout means they are forcing you and so you don't hangout with them is selfish. 🚩
Still wanting it to always be about you is selfish. 🚩
You were taught how to be negative and all about just yourself. You and your family are all self-centered and need help to learn how to be decent human beings.

Answer 53

Asker

Yea unless I don't really care for the stuff I've been planing to do and just follow them (this happened before my sister wanted to watch a movie and I wanted to watch another but turn out I didn't wish to see that movie that much so I just go and see the one she wanted). Though I still don't see what's a red flag about it, a red flag is anybody trying to force me to do their stuff just cause they want me near them.
It's not, it's my freedom.
If I go their way one day then I don't expect them to go my way the week after they're free to do what they want no matter what happened the week before, we don't keep tab that's stupid and this ways you end up feeling trapped and you need to use mind game to get out of there.
If they ask me then I have the option of saying no which I use when I want. Not having the option to say no is forcing people so not good.
It's not, if I don't care about myself nobody is going to do it, they're all going to do their own things and act confused if I open my mouth one day to disagree.
Why should we learn about it? I can also just find someone who have no opinion and just wish to be with me no matter what we're doing. I'm happy this way and so is my family so I don't see in how is it bad to be this ways selfish or not the most important stuff is to be happy, right now Im happy just wondering about the future.

Answer 54

MysteriousDarkness

When everything is about you it means you do not care about others. Over the years I have seen friendships, relationships, engagements, and marriages end because of someone being all about themself. What I find ridiculous is that you believe that if someone asks you if you want to hang out you automatically think they are trying to force you. You think that way even if what they said was saud nicely and calmly under normal circumstances. You also want to find someone who wants to be around you to the point they go along with everything you want to do and everywhere you want to go. That means you want someone that you can control and that is unhealthy.

Answer 55

Asker

90 % of relationship are unhealthy, everything is unhealthy right now before there's hundred of stuff considered cool and great that are now considered as unhealthy that's just ridiculous, nearly every relationship, friendship, family, etc.. is unhealthy so truly I don't really care what's healthy and what's not.
Also it's not unhealthy if both people are happy I know I would never be happy in a relationship where I have to do a compromise for them to be happy.

And yes it's forcing cause if I say no they become angry and bitter they can't take no, they never can and then become aggressive if i say no even if i said so nicely. They may come off as nice and all but in true if I don't go along with them they get aggressive with me.

Answer 56

Smegskull | 599 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Relationships are a holdover from when people needed each other, a collaborative contract to protect each other's interests.
We can all work and earn money to protect those interests now, insurance and welfare exist. We just don't need each other any more so there is no reson to tolerate the compromises of a relationship.

yofuknutz

10 d
Don't forget the red pill/MGTOW movement listen I'm new to this social media platform how can I share your answer I'm still running about this and yes I got 30 ban on Facebook that's why I'm here and stay here too, I hate to agree with you because I was raised differently but I do believe you are spot-on it is what it is I think people now are meant to see each other hook up and go back home each individual house that's the way I think things are going
Smegskull

10 d
MGTOW is a lifestyle not a movement. You can't share answers though the asker can select your answer as the most helpful (basically "top comment"). I don't use facebook. No idea how you were raised so I can't comment on any perceived difference.
Asker

9 d
That's totally it, make me wonder why some people want to be in one knowing they would have so much more freedom alone, the only "good" aspect of a relationship is money or stability if you yourself doesn't have money and cannot get a good paying job, etc...
But if not forcing yourself to compromise for the sake of an useless relationship, i don't get it.
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yofuknutz

8 d
People don't have the balls to stand on their own two feet so they stay in a crappy relationship with proxy terms
Asker

7 d
@yofuknutz I really don't get it, it's so weird but after I'm know to be quite harsh / blunt

Answer 57

yofuknutz

Don't forget the red pill/MGTOW movement listen I'm new to this social media platform how can I share your answer I'm still running about this and yes I got 30 ban on Facebook that's why I'm here and stay here too, I hate to agree with you because I was raised differently but I do believe you are spot-on it is what it is I think people now are meant to see each other hook up and go back home each individual house that's the way I think things are going

Answer 58

Smegskull

MGTOW is a lifestyle not a movement. You can't share answers though the asker can select your answer as the most helpful (basically "top comment"). I don't use facebook. No idea how you were raised so I can't comment on any perceived difference.

Answer 59

Asker

That's totally it, make me wonder why some people want to be in one knowing they would have so much more freedom alone, the only "good" aspect of a relationship is money or stability if you yourself doesn't have money and cannot get a good paying job, etc...
But if not forcing yourself to compromise for the sake of an useless relationship, i don't get it.

Answer 60

yofuknutz

People don't have the balls to stand on their own two feet so they stay in a crappy relationship with proxy terms

Answer 61

Asker

@yofuknutz I really don't get it, it's so weird but after I'm know to be quite harsh / blunt

Answer 62

Adam1978 | 298 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

If you see it as a trap it will be. If you have a positive view of sharing and caring and be a teamworker you have a chance to be happy. But that very much depends on who you are in relationship with. You can only bring your own happiness, they can still ruin everything you bring in. For guys that is the nagging girlfriend/wife. For women it's a bunch of other things that ruins it.

Asker

12 d
How can you be happy in a relationship where you have to count every penny for all your entire life and having children (what most men actually want) that just strip you out of all your freedom;
Adam1978

12 d
First of all do not get kids if you don't want them. So what men want there is not important, don't blame them. You made the same call, you choose to become a mother. When it comes to money, they don't make you happy. Living above your income makes you unhappy. The rest is all a mind game. You can enjoy a lot of free stuff. Instead of compete in the status race and compare yourself with people around you. If you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and isn't working yourself to death you can be happy. It just requires a different view point.
Asker

12 d
I'm not working right now and I'm happy, I don't care for money, I truly don't I can stay poor like you said so long as I have food and a roof it's ok but things is most people do not wish to have little money and most just want to live above their income... Especially young people my age.
Or you also have the person that is poor, don't live above his income but want more.
Tons of people want to buy a house even if they don't have money for it...
I don't care about being poor but that doesn't mean the person I would be with or I'm with would be ok with that. I used to be a maid on minimum wage cause I worked part time and I was happy like that I didn't mind to stay one all my life but nobody understand it and no guys wanted to be with me cause I had no ambition or anything.
As for getting pregnant I won't cause I don't want to.
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Adam1978

12 d
Odd most guys don't give a shit what women do or bring in as long as she doesn't need to be supported financially. If you are happy with your low income and don't nag at him to go out and get more money all the time. You only need to find a guy that doesn't want kids. Shouldn't be that hard as long as there is still sex involved. However many of them rather pick the drama free single life these days. Lacking the ambition to go hunting for money might actually be what makes you happy as poor. It's the never ending hunt that makes people unhappy.
Asker

9 d
They actually do, at least all the guys that showed interest in me did (but they're the kind to do long study so I guess they were career oriented make me wonder what interested them in me except my looks...).
I don't mind poor people at all, all my friends were pretty poor and they were much more genuine than all the others kids.
I would guess only guys with who I'm not compatible with approach me, the others do not.
Though there's some poor guys that wish to be rich those are annoying cause they keep complaining about it and the one that are happy to not have much money (one that don't care much for it) it seem they don't really approach women (and I don't approach people either in general and when I do I just say what I have to say and that's it, i'm extremely bad at keeping a conversation going irl).

I would say the fact that I'm considered as conventionally attractive doesn't help me in this case.
Adam1978

8 d
Well not been able to keep a conversation going is a sign of no interest. If you were interested you would find something to talk about and use full sentences not just single words as replies. Be curious about the other person, their interest and their opinions. Keep to focus shifting back and forth between you and him. That how bonding works you see how alike you are and how much you align.
Asker

7 d
It just doesn't interest me, why would their life interest me? If they have the same hobbies as mine then we would be talking all night but if not then we're not gonna exchange lots of words, I can't help what I have an interest in. And if I fake it then they would feel it.
Adam1978

7 d
It rarely hurt to try new things, you may like them. And even if you don't share hobbies you might share world views. The thing is you don't know until you asked a couple of hundred questions. If you stick to be single minded you are unlikely to ever find a match. You must adjust somewhat to have another person in your life, its unavoidable. By forcing them to find a common ground your really working against your goal. He will pick up in your lack of efforts and interest and move on. And you will not know if there actually was something that could lead to anything since you didn't give it a chance.
Asker

6 d
I do that, on internet I talk with everybody no matter how different we are though this is where the controlling issue come from, they all don't let me breath, they don't give me time for my hobbies and try to suffocate me, they want to talk to me all the fucking time I have no time for myself, they always say I'm lying when I say I'm working (which is true but I think it's nicer to say to someone I can't talk to them cause I'm working rather than telling them I just wanted to play some video games or read some books) too they always want to force me to talk to them everyday even though i don't want to and become aggressive if I don't respond quickly.
Maybe no every guys are like that but I talked to tons of different guys and they were all like that except like 2 of them on this site. All the other are aggressive with me and try to force me to do things I don't want to do even when I'm being honest with them, they can't take the word no. I let it go for a bit but then I get fed up and just ghost them. They can't never understand i need some time alone.
100 % of the time I'm the one that walk away cause they suffocate me so they don't have time to leave me or see that I hate finding a middle ground. They're so forceful and selfish that when I tell them I'm really tired and want to do to bed they force me to stay awake by playing the victim or being aggressive.
Adam1978

6 d
Yeah that wrong from either gender, I would say you should have sometime each day to answer the previous days lagging messages but that can be time boxed, after that you can let messages build up for the next time slot. People will learn your schedule and they can poke you for attention but in the end they can't demand it. Any that does has a toxic or needy trait and you should learn that and keep them away from you. They will learn that you don't provide what they want and find someone that does or learn to live with what you do.
Asker

2 d
I do keep them away from me, when they do it multiple time it just bother me and stress so in the end I end up never messaging them ever again cause I know when I will pick up the phone I'm in for a scolding so
Adam1978

2 d
Well don't care, if you let it affect you they have some control over you.

Answer 63

Asker

How can you be happy in a relationship where you have to count every penny for all your entire life and having children (what most men actually want) that just strip you out of all your freedom;

Answer 64

Adam1978

First of all do not get kids if you don't want them. So what men want there is not important, don't blame them. You made the same call, you choose to become a mother. When it comes to money, they don't make you happy. Living above your income makes you unhappy. The rest is all a mind game. You can enjoy a lot of free stuff. Instead of compete in the status race and compare yourself with people around you. If you have a roof over your head, food on the table, and isn't working yourself to death you can be happy. It just requires a different view point.

Answer 65

Asker

I'm not working right now and I'm happy, I don't care for money, I truly don't I can stay poor like you said so long as I have food and a roof it's ok but things is most people do not wish to have little money and most just want to live above their income... Especially young people my age.
Or you also have the person that is poor, don't live above his income but want more.
Tons of people want to buy a house even if they don't have money for it...
I don't care about being poor but that doesn't mean the person I would be with or I'm with would be ok with that. I used to be a maid on minimum wage cause I worked part time and I was happy like that I didn't mind to stay one all my life but nobody understand it and no guys wanted to be with me cause I had no ambition or anything.
As for getting pregnant I won't cause I don't want to.

Answer 66

Adam1978

Odd most guys don't give a shit what women do or bring in as long as she doesn't need to be supported financially. If you are happy with your low income and don't nag at him to go out and get more money all the time. You only need to find a guy that doesn't want kids. Shouldn't be that hard as long as there is still sex involved. However many of them rather pick the drama free single life these days. Lacking the ambition to go hunting for money might actually be what makes you happy as poor. It's the never ending hunt that makes people unhappy.

Answer 67

Asker

They actually do, at least all the guys that showed interest in me did (but they're the kind to do long study so I guess they were career oriented make me wonder what interested them in me except my looks...).
I don't mind poor people at all, all my friends were pretty poor and they were much more genuine than all the others kids.
I would guess only guys with who I'm not compatible with approach me, the others do not.
Though there's some poor guys that wish to be rich those are annoying cause they keep complaining about it and the one that are happy to not have much money (one that don't care much for it) it seem they don't really approach women (and I don't approach people either in general and when I do I just say what I have to say and that's it, i'm extremely bad at keeping a conversation going irl).

I would say the fact that I'm considered as conventionally attractive doesn't help me in this case.

Answer 68

Adam1978

Well not been able to keep a conversation going is a sign of no interest. If you were interested you would find something to talk about and use full sentences not just single words as replies. Be curious about the other person, their interest and their opinions. Keep to focus shifting back and forth between you and him. That how bonding works you see how alike you are and how much you align.

Answer 69

Asker

It just doesn't interest me, why would their life interest me? If they have the same hobbies as mine then we would be talking all night but if not then we're not gonna exchange lots of words, I can't help what I have an interest in. And if I fake it then they would feel it.

Answer 70

Adam1978

It rarely hurt to try new things, you may like them. And even if you don't share hobbies you might share world views. The thing is you don't know until you asked a couple of hundred questions. If you stick to be single minded you are unlikely to ever find a match. You must adjust somewhat to have another person in your life, its unavoidable. By forcing them to find a common ground your really working against your goal. He will pick up in your lack of efforts and interest and move on. And you will not know if there actually was something that could lead to anything since you didn't give it a chance.

Answer 71

Asker

I do that, on internet I talk with everybody no matter how different we are though this is where the controlling issue come from, they all don't let me breath, they don't give me time for my hobbies and try to suffocate me, they want to talk to me all the fucking time I have no time for myself, they always say I'm lying when I say I'm working (which is true but I think it's nicer to say to someone I can't talk to them cause I'm working rather than telling them I just wanted to play some video games or read some books) too they always want to force me to talk to them everyday even though i don't want to and become aggressive if I don't respond quickly.
Maybe no every guys are like that but I talked to tons of different guys and they were all like that except like 2 of them on this site. All the other are aggressive with me and try to force me to do things I don't want to do even when I'm being honest with them, they can't take the word no. I let it go for a bit but then I get fed up and just ghost them. They can't never understand i need some time alone.
100 % of the time I'm the one that walk away cause they suffocate me so they don't have time to leave me or see that I hate finding a middle ground. They're so forceful and selfish that when I tell them I'm really tired and want to do to bed they force me to stay awake by playing the victim or being aggressive.

Answer 72

Adam1978

Yeah that wrong from either gender, I would say you should have sometime each day to answer the previous days lagging messages but that can be time boxed, after that you can let messages build up for the next time slot. People will learn your schedule and they can poke you for attention but in the end they can't demand it. Any that does has a toxic or needy trait and you should learn that and keep them away from you. They will learn that you don't provide what they want and find someone that does or learn to live with what you do.

Answer 73

Asker

I do keep them away from me, when they do it multiple time it just bother me and stress so in the end I end up never messaging them ever again cause I know when I will pick up the phone I'm in for a scolding so

Answer 74

Adam1978

Well don't care, if you let it affect you they have some control over you.

Answer 75

Kaneki05 | 694 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Then get with someone like yourself? there you go, you just cut out a lot of things to compromise on. Although compromise will always be a thing in a relationship it is needed for it to be healthy just it wouldn't be as controlling as that you have mentioned.
Get with someone is like you Or a person who lets you be you. And for the best is both.

Asker

9 d
That's quite hard to find and I'm not sure is it really worth it in the end. Would take so much of my time and money.
Which compromise are healthy.
Kaneki05

8 d
It takes time for sure. It's always up to you if want to find someone just make sure you don't regret it when your not with someone in the future and maybe too late or even harder to find someone.
And which ones? If you wanted to not do the washing today so you compromise to do it tomarro when he does it today. That's a super simple example but these kinda things are needed otherwise one of you will just be mistreated. You want to go out and he don't again would have to compromise on something. These keep both people happy.
Asker

7 d
If I don't want to wash today then I don't wash today and nobody do it, I would just do it the day after.
It been months since I have to clean my room but I've still haven't done it. If I don't want to do something then I don't do it it doesn't matter if nobody is not gonna do it.

Compromise keep nobody happy, the person wanting to go out who will not be able do so will just resent the others for forcing to keep them at home. Compromise make you suffocate and at one point in life it just explode.
Show All Show Less
Kaneki05

7 d
Then get with someone and don't compromise and see how well that goes.
Or just stay alone forever. Up to you really.
Kaneki05

7 d
also i never clean my room either haha that's something that wouldn't change.
Asker

6 d
Depend on the person personality it can go perfectly for example my sister 99 % of the time don't care what we're watching or where we're going or what we're eating so I'm the one who always make the decision and this work perfectly (if i had to wait for her to decide then we don't do anything at all, I'm used to be the one who decide everything).
if I find someone like that who don't care about most things then I'm good it's all the others people with who I would have a struggle with.
I need to find someone to be able to be a housewife and never work XD
Asker

6 d
Cleaning room is so boring XD
Kaneki05

4 d
Then you would need to find someone has no motivation to do his own hobbies which will be hard to find. Since many people have some hobbie. Then he would also have to like doing house chores. which haha again hard to find. And both together? yeah that's gonna be hard but good luck with that.
Asker

2 d
Most people actually have no hobbies, that's the reasons why they get so clingy in relationship or if they have some they feel bored by them quickly.
I can also just find someone that have the same exact hobbies as me.
We can just forget house chore and only do them when is it extremely necessary.
Kaneki05

1 d
hmm but even if they exact same they can disagree on things right? and compromise. So we both like watching films, but on one day, one of us don't want to watch the one the other does at that exact time. Then you would need to be like okay what we do then?
so there ambition in there hobbies would have to not be there.
Which i feel like is super uncommon to not have ambition like that.

lol forgetting house chores sounds good But when there is need to aboustly must do them i bet that will come to fight of who is doing or not and again they would have to low ambition just to agree and do them 24/7 and you doing none of them. I feel like a lot lot of people have that ambition compared to who don't. After all it's why many people fight, and also why healthy compromise are a thing.

Answer 76

Asker

That's quite hard to find and I'm not sure is it really worth it in the end. Would take so much of my time and money.
Which compromise are healthy.

Answer 77

Kaneki05

It takes time for sure. It's always up to you if want to find someone just make sure you don't regret it when your not with someone in the future and maybe too late or even harder to find someone.
And which ones? If you wanted to not do the washing today so you compromise to do it tomarro when he does it today. That's a super simple example but these kinda things are needed otherwise one of you will just be mistreated. You want to go out and he don't again would have to compromise on something. These keep both people happy.

Answer 78

Asker

If I don't want to wash today then I don't wash today and nobody do it, I would just do it the day after.
It been months since I have to clean my room but I've still haven't done it. If I don't want to do something then I don't do it it doesn't matter if nobody is not gonna do it.

Compromise keep nobody happy, the person wanting to go out who will not be able do so will just resent the others for forcing to keep them at home. Compromise make you suffocate and at one point in life it just explode.

Answer 79

Kaneki05

Then get with someone and don't compromise and see how well that goes.
Or just stay alone forever. Up to you really.

Answer 80

Kaneki05

also i never clean my room either haha that's something that wouldn't change.

Answer 81

Asker

Depend on the person personality it can go perfectly for example my sister 99 % of the time don't care what we're watching or where we're going or what we're eating so I'm the one who always make the decision and this work perfectly (if i had to wait for her to decide then we don't do anything at all, I'm used to be the one who decide everything).
if I find someone like that who don't care about most things then I'm good it's all the others people with who I would have a struggle with.
I need to find someone to be able to be a housewife and never work XD

Answer 82

Asker

Cleaning room is so boring XD

Answer 83

Kaneki05

Then you would need to find someone has no motivation to do his own hobbies which will be hard to find. Since many people have some hobbie. Then he would also have to like doing house chores. which haha again hard to find. And both together? yeah that's gonna be hard but good luck with that.

Answer 84

Asker

Most people actually have no hobbies, that's the reasons why they get so clingy in relationship or if they have some they feel bored by them quickly.
I can also just find someone that have the same exact hobbies as me.
We can just forget house chore and only do them when is it extremely necessary.

Answer 85

Kaneki05

hmm but even if they exact same they can disagree on things right? and compromise. So we both like watching films, but on one day, one of us don't want to watch the one the other does at that exact time. Then you would need to be like okay what we do then?
so there ambition in there hobbies would have to not be there.
Which i feel like is super uncommon to not have ambition like that.

lol forgetting house chores sounds good But when there is need to aboustly must do them i bet that will come to fight of who is doing or not and again they would have to low ambition just to agree and do them 24/7 and you doing none of them. I feel like a lot lot of people have that ambition compared to who don't. After all it's why many people fight, and also why healthy compromise are a thing.

Answer 86

Hangry22 | 638 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

When you put it that way, it seems like it. But if you got lucky and found the right person, the positives would outweigh the negatives. All of these seem like challenges because the person you're with isn't that impostant or valuable to you.

Asker

2 d
Surely but how many years does it takes to get a great person?
Hangry22

2 d
If you're lucky, some years
Otherwise many many years and you also may end up with no one

Answer 87

Asker

Surely but how many years does it takes to get a great person?

Answer 88

Hangry22

If you're lucky, some years
Otherwise many many years and you also may end up with no one

Answer 89

Don-__-Don

Xper 7

As far as I give a damn it's pretty much a trap. After being in couple of relationships I can hardly be bothered in trying anymore, I really can't.

Asker

9 d
Same, is it just too much work for so much heartache and only a tiny hope of finding your great match and even smaller one of it being life long.
Don-__-Don

8 d
Exactly, it's just not really worth it if you ask me.

Answer 90

Asker

Same, is it just too much work for so much heartache and only a tiny hope of finding your great match and even smaller one of it being life long.

Answer 91

Don-__-Don

Exactly, it's just not really worth it if you ask me.

Answer 92

oddwaffle | 239 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Marriage (and relationship) is like a fortress being sieged.

The people inside try to get out and the people outside wants to get in.

Asker

12 d
That's totally it

Answer 93

Asker

That's totally it

Answer 94

Anonymous

The country/world is a fucking mess right now but eventually all of these modern white feminists will die alone and childless. They will be replaced by women of color who do value traditional relationships and that will continue until they follow the footsteps of their white feminist predecessors and then they will die out by eschewing family and children.

I like the idea that their ideology will be the cause of their extinction

Answer 95

dudeinohio | 1.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Well, if you feel restricted or trapped in your relationship, then you are with the wrong person. *Some* compromise may be needed here and there... but under no circumstances should it be an everyday thing.

Asker

9 d
People seem to always make compromise about everything all the time or getting angry to other, be passive - aggressive and always being sarcastic to get their point across (which is the worse things seriously).

Answer 96

Asker

People seem to always make compromise about everything all the time or getting angry to other, be passive - aggressive and always being sarcastic to get their point across (which is the worse things seriously).

Answer 97

JustinTheGreat | 616 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Just because you’ve been in toxic controlling relationships with no communication doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else lol

Asker

9 d
It's the same for the majority.
JustinTheGreat

8 d
Everyone’s been though bad relationships, just gotta find the right person
Asker

7 d
That would take me years and I would always have to worry wether this person is gonna cheat on me or just drift apart from me for whatever reasons.

Answer 98

Asker

It's the same for the majority.

Answer 99

JustinTheGreat

Everyone’s been though bad relationships, just gotta find the right person

Answer 100

Asker

That would take me years and I would always have to worry wether this person is gonna cheat on me or just drift apart from me for whatever reasons.

Answer 101

WesBrewer | 309 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Some relationships are if you are with someone like a player, but not all of them are.

Answer 102

Anonymous

Relationships are a trap for men, which is why women are always complaining like this: Is it safe to say that men are less concerned about relationships than women?

Asker

9 d
Men are much more concerned by relationship than women, you say they're a trap for men but the only one I see being desperate for a relationship are men so...
Opinion Owner

8 d
"... the only one I see being desperate for a relationship are men"

LMAO! I don't know what planet you live on but here in Earth women are waaaaaaaay more desperate for relationships than men. You women are constantly complaining that men just want sex and not a relationship but then out of the other side of your mouths you say that men are desperate for relationships. Fucking hilarious.
Asker

7 d
Go read all the question on this site of men whining cause they're too small that their dick are too small, that women only want the "top 10 % of men", etc...
They'e the one constantly nagging.
You know I'm right, if you were right you wouldn't be posting as a anonymous...

Answer 103

Asker

Men are much more concerned by relationship than women, you say they're a trap for men but the only one I see being desperate for a relationship are men so...

Answer 104

Opinion Owner

"... the only one I see being desperate for a relationship are men"

LMAO! I don't know what planet you live on but here in Earth women are waaaaaaaay more desperate for relationships than men. You women are constantly complaining that men just want sex and not a relationship but then out of the other side of your mouths you say that men are desperate for relationships. Fucking hilarious.

Answer 105

Asker

Go read all the question on this site of men whining cause they're too small that their dick are too small, that women only want the "top 10 % of men", etc...
They'e the one constantly nagging.
You know I'm right, if you were right you wouldn't be posting as a anonymous...

Answer 106

disgustingweebtrash | 1.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

If you have really high expectations then yeah and relationships don't mean you'll be happy, you have to be happy outside of a relationship to be happy in one.

Asker

9 d
I'm actually very happy outside of a relationship which make me wonder what's in it for me considering it would just force me to cut down the time of my hobbies (which are stuff that make me happy) just to be with someone who I doesn't really need (I would say I only need someone for money since I'm lazy and not working nowadays but money isn't motivation enough for me considering I don't care for it) and getting attention which I like but if getting attention mean cutting down the time of my hobbies then it bother me in the long run. I'm not happy anymore and just everything about the relationship feel forced and like a drag.

Answer 107

Asker

I'm actually very happy outside of a relationship which make me wonder what's in it for me considering it would just force me to cut down the time of my hobbies (which are stuff that make me happy) just to be with someone who I doesn't really need (I would say I only need someone for money since I'm lazy and not working nowadays but money isn't motivation enough for me considering I don't care for it) and getting attention which I like but if getting attention mean cutting down the time of my hobbies then it bother me in the long run. I'm not happy anymore and just everything about the relationship feel forced and like a drag.

Answer 108

Snakeyes7 | 446 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Relationships not really but marriage, in its current form is definitely a trap.

Asker

9 d
Depend in which country you live in, in my country there's only advantage for both the man and the woman in marriage.
Snakeyes7

8 d
That makes sense. I am referring to the US where there is like a coin flips chance of getting a divorce (might be even higher than that)

Answer 109

Asker

Depend in which country you live in, in my country there's only advantage for both the man and the woman in marriage.

Answer 110

Snakeyes7

That makes sense. I am referring to the US where there is like a coin flips chance of getting a divorce (might be even higher than that)

Answer 111

anewme

Xper 4

Love is cursed by monagamy. Great quote from kanye yeast jk... Weird as he is trying hard extra much.. anyway who knew great quote frm him

Asker

9 d
If you don't like monogamy then just be in a poly relationship.
anewme

8 d
Nah I want monag after poly s
Asker

7 d
I don't get it XD
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anewme

6 d
Oh well

Answer 112

Asker

If you don't like monogamy then just be in a poly relationship.

Answer 113

anewme

Nah I want monag after poly s

Answer 114

Asker

I don't get it XD

Answer 115

anewme

Oh well

Answer 116

Anonymous

The wrong person is a trap. The right person is the key to set you free.

Asker

9 d
Maybe but is it really worth years of searching and suffering?

Answer 117

Asker

Maybe but is it really worth years of searching and suffering?

Answer 118

yofuknutz

Xper 3

My God it's come to this I can't believe it

Asker

9 d
What can't you believe?

Answer 119

Asker

What can't you believe?

Answer 120

Anonymous

Not as simple but to me leaning towards yes.

Asker

12 d
In how is it not that simple? Can you develop a bit?
Opinion Owner

12 d
I guess it really depends on what both parties want from a relationship. As a guy it also feels like in general we are losing in that game, women gain much more from them then we do.

Also women will want relationships and dating to lead into marriages, and because of how guys get destroyed in divorces, it makes me not even want to bother. To me marriage is a trap and relationships are a precursor.
Asker

12 d
I highly doubt women get more, if they did then when they divorce when in their 50s or 40s or even 30s why do all say they feel more free and don't want to bother with real long relationship anymore?
While men continue to search for one?

Marriage isn't a trap, when you divorce you just get back all of your stuff and she get back all of her stuff if she get more then it's your countries laws that are shit in mine women doesn't get anything more in a divorce, they usually get less cause they don't have money to pay for an advocate considering the man is usually the one richer.
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Opinion Owner

12 d
Uhm my countries laws are shit when it comes to family law and it is not as simple as you take what you brought into the relationship. The women gets the house, the car, the kids (and child support), along with alimony and if you don't pay it then you go to jail. Marriage is a bad investment and bet as it is a coin toss on whether or not your life gets destroyed. Women divorce for financial gain or because they do not take the vow of "for better or for worse" seriously, or think that they can do better with what they settled for.

There is something that is satisfying and fulfilling when you are free and not committed to anyone.
Asker

12 d
Wow those laws are truly shit they're extremely different where I live.
Yes being single and being free is truly the best feeling there's and not caring about anybody opinion is even better though it make people disliking me or just usually find me extremely weird.
I don't care much for it cause I only want to be free but I always lie the though to dedicate my life to a cause or someone I admire which is quite the reverse of liberty I like so much.
Opinion Owner

12 d
Thanks for having a civil conversation about it, where are you from?

Answer 121

Asker

In how is it not that simple? Can you develop a bit?

Answer 122

Opinion Owner

I guess it really depends on what both parties want from a relationship. As a guy it also feels like in general we are losing in that game, women gain much more from them then we do.

Also women will want relationships and dating to lead into marriages, and because of how guys get destroyed in divorces, it makes me not even want to bother. To me marriage is a trap and relationships are a precursor.

Answer 123

Asker

I highly doubt women get more, if they did then when they divorce when in their 50s or 40s or even 30s why do all say they feel more free and don't want to bother with real long relationship anymore?
While men continue to search for one?

Marriage isn't a trap, when you divorce you just get back all of your stuff and she get back all of her stuff if she get more then it's your countries laws that are shit in mine women doesn't get anything more in a divorce, they usually get less cause they don't have money to pay for an advocate considering the man is usually the one richer.

Answer 124

Opinion Owner

Uhm my countries laws are shit when it comes to family law and it is not as simple as you take what you brought into the relationship. The women gets the house, the car, the kids (and child support), along with alimony and if you don't pay it then you go to jail. Marriage is a bad investment and bet as it is a coin toss on whether or not your life gets destroyed. Women divorce for financial gain or because they do not take the vow of "for better or for worse" seriously, or think that they can do better with what they settled for.

There is something that is satisfying and fulfilling when you are free and not committed to anyone.

Answer 125

Asker

Wow those laws are truly shit they're extremely different where I live.
Yes being single and being free is truly the best feeling there's and not caring about anybody opinion is even better though it make people disliking me or just usually find me extremely weird.
I don't care much for it cause I only want to be free but I always lie the though to dedicate my life to a cause or someone I admire which is quite the reverse of liberty I like so much.

Answer 126

Opinion Owner

Thanks for having a civil conversation about it, where are you from?

Answer 127

AFellowWeeb | 86 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

In this recent years, yes, specially marriage

Asker

7 d
A relationship and a marriage have nothing different, marriage only bring positive things at least in my country.
AFellowWeeb

6 d
Where are you from?
Asker

6 d
France
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AFellowWeeb

6 d
Oof!

Answer 128

Asker

A relationship and a marriage have nothing different, marriage only bring positive things at least in my country.

Answer 129

AFellowWeeb

Where are you from?

Answer 130

Asker

France

Answer 131

AFellowWeeb

Oof!

Answer 132

DiscomfortZone | 391 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

In truth? I pity you.

Asker

12 d
I can't help the ways I feel, I truly can't. I definitely would be more happy if I were just a sheep that do not think at all but I have never been interested in "normal" stuff and I'm quite unlucky since I always fell onto the worse jobs and dude.
Asker

9 d
I have the default to use my mind to think about the worlds and the hypocrisy behind it. Being a sheep isn't bad in the sense you can be happy living in a "dream of fake reality" and believing in lies.
And yeah I can't help being "special" as you say considering that I never ever go along with "sheep" normal people I only go along with those that are considered weird or outsiders.
DiscomfortZone

8 d
Wow. You honesy have no idea how ridiculous and pathetic you are. So much so, that instead of realizing you're the one who brings bad relationships upon yourself - you blame the world like a juvenile little insect. You're beyond help, honestly.
Show All Show Less
Asker

7 d
Oh i see your true face now, you're just a bitter old man trying to make everyone around yourself miserable, that's not nice no wonder why some people like me have such bad thoughts about the world. Those bad thoughts are supported by fact like the one you just bought on a silver plate to me.

Answer 133

Asker

I can't help the ways I feel, I truly can't. I definitely would be more happy if I were just a sheep that do not think at all but I have never been interested in "normal" stuff and I'm quite unlucky since I always fell onto the worse jobs and dude.

Answer 134

Asker

I have the default to use my mind to think about the worlds and the hypocrisy behind it. Being a sheep isn't bad in the sense you can be happy living in a "dream of fake reality" and believing in lies.
And yeah I can't help being "special" as you say considering that I never ever go along with "sheep" normal people I only go along with those that are considered weird or outsiders.

Answer 135

DiscomfortZone

Wow. You honesy have no idea how ridiculous and pathetic you are. So much so, that instead of realizing you're the one who brings bad relationships upon yourself - you blame the world like a juvenile little insect. You're beyond help, honestly.

Answer 136

Asker

Oh i see your true face now, you're just a bitter old man trying to make everyone around yourself miserable, that's not nice no wonder why some people like me have such bad thoughts about the world. Those bad thoughts are supported by fact like the one you just bought on a silver plate to me.

Answer 137

Fromdusktilldawn | 219 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Lets say being married and having kids is a trap

Are relationships a trap?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girls

What Girls & Guys Said

They can be IF you let it

They can be however a blessing IF you find the right partner

Related myTakes

Are relationships a trap?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girls

What Girls & Guys Said

They can be *IF* you let it

They can be however a blessing *IF* you find the right partner

Related myTakes

They can be IF you let it

They can be however a blessing IF you find the right partner