How can I control my jealousy?

Question

I'm never really jealous but the man I'm into just followed a couple of really gorgeous talented women on social media. :( I hate this feeling so much... I'm really just thinking if I can't control my jealousy, I need to walk away from this... from him.

Updates:

16 d

Thanks for your answers. I'm more comfortable now because I know how he feels about me (finally). He wants to travel together.

:-)

Answer 1

Skankhunt | 109 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

The reason you are jealous is because you don't trust your boyfriend enough. You should have a good talk with him about how you feel in this relationship. Try to build trust with each other. If you trust each other, you won't get jealous. So, it's about not having enough trust in him.

My advice:
1:Have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your fears, anxiety, insecurity and feelings, be open, be vulnerable with him.
2: Build trust with each other, do some trust exercises, techniques, work on it to increase your trust in him.
3: To trust each other means to be able to be vulnerable with each other. Trust can't be build with out being vulnerable. You can't be vulnerable if you don't trust him. Trust in the relationship should be increased, as well as being vulnerable.
4: Read the books from Brené Brown Ph. D. She did research about vulnerability, so read her book "Daring greatly. I hope this will help you.

Asker

16 d
Thank you for the thoughtful answer.
Skankhunt

16 d
You're welcome

Answer 2

Asker

Thank you for the thoughtful answer.

Answer 3

Skankhunt

You're welcome

Answer 4

Mark83

Xper 5

Can you explain why this particular thing makes you jealous? Like, what are you afraid of? What do you think he sees in these women and how do you feel they might be a threat to you?

Asker

18 d
I'm afraid he is going to chase those women... maybe I don't feel worthy of him. He's very successful, really talented...
Mark83

18 d
Are they within his reach, realistically?
Asker

18 d
I don't know how to judge that. He's not that attractive to be honest but he is successful.
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Mark83

18 d
But he knows them personally? They're not celebrities or anything?
Asker

18 d
He could know them as he knows famous people.
Mark83

18 d
What's your relation to him?
Asker

18 d
We've become close, I guess... sharing intimate details with each other.
Mark83

18 d
Sounds like he's definitely interested in you. His interest in the other women may or may not be superficial. It's a very early stage and hard to tell whether your jealousy is justified. I guess the best thing you can do is to wait and see how things develop. Not much you can do about your feelings at this point but it's important not to act on them. Be patient, don't push him, and don't overthink.
Asker

18 d
Okay, good advice, thank you!
Mark83

18 d
You're welcome, good luck!
Mark83

18 d
Feel free to let me know how it goes, and if at any point you feel like you need more advice.
Asker

18 d
I appreciate that Mark. :)
Asker

18 d
I expressed my interest in his friend (he is a well known celebrity that I loved) should I assume he will be jealous?
Mark83

18 d
That depends, is he the jealous type? What do you think is his interest in you?
Asker

18 d
He's really hard to read and no, not the jealous type.
Mark83

18 d
Hm, that's difficult then. I guess all you can do at this point is to wait and see how things progress, and try not to act on your jealousy until you know whether it's justified.

Answer 5

Asker

I'm afraid he is going to chase those women... maybe I don't feel worthy of him. He's very successful, really talented...

Answer 6

Mark83

Are they within his reach, realistically?

Answer 7

Asker

I don't know how to judge that. He's not that attractive to be honest but he is successful.

Answer 8

Mark83

But he knows them personally? They're not celebrities or anything?

Answer 9

Asker

He could know them as he knows famous people.

Answer 10

Mark83

What's your relation to him?

Answer 11

Asker

We've become close, I guess... sharing intimate details with each other.

Answer 12

Mark83

Sounds like he's definitely interested in you. His interest in the other women may or may not be superficial. It's a very early stage and hard to tell whether your jealousy is justified. I guess the best thing you can do is to wait and see how things develop. Not much you can do about your feelings at this point but it's important not to act on them. Be patient, don't push him, and don't overthink.

Answer 13

Asker

Okay, good advice, thank you!

Answer 14

Mark83

You're welcome, good luck!

Answer 15

Mark83

Feel free to let me know how it goes, and if at any point you feel like you need more advice.

Answer 16

Asker

I appreciate that Mark. :)

Answer 17

Asker

I expressed my interest in his friend (he is a well known celebrity that I loved) should I assume he will be jealous?

Answer 18

Mark83

That depends, is he the jealous type? What do you think is his interest in you?

Answer 19

Asker

He's really hard to read and no, not the jealous type.

Answer 20

Mark83

Hm, that's difficult then. I guess all you can do at this point is to wait and see how things progress, and try not to act on your jealousy until you know whether it's justified.

Answer 21

havingfun101 | 183 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

Follow 3 attractive men and he'll get jealous of your jealousy and you two can lurk together?

Asker

18 d
What if he is not jealous? lol

I feel like puking from this.
havingfun101

18 d
Then he's more noble than you or isn't lurking on your insta?
Asker

18 d
He flirts with me but yes, he is likely more 'noble' than I am (thanks for making me insecure about this lol).
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havingfun101

18 d
Girls are gonna girl. Tell him about your feelings, as you'd benefit from his response. However, as a man, he should never share any vulnerabilities with any woman, especially his spouse.
Asker

18 d
Thanks just... insanity.
havingfun101

17 d
Sanity is a leash to control the weak, like most rules. You're already a stalker, you could at least try to win or lurk in the proverbial bushes, whichever.

Answer 22

Asker

What if he is not jealous? lol

I feel like puking from this.

Answer 23

havingfun101

Then he's more noble than you or isn't lurking on your insta?

Answer 24

Asker

He flirts with me but yes, he is likely more 'noble' than I am (thanks for making me insecure about this lol).

Answer 25

havingfun101

Girls are gonna girl. Tell him about your feelings, as you'd benefit from his response. However, as a man, he should never share any vulnerabilities with any woman, especially his spouse.

Answer 26

Asker

Thanks just... insanity.

Answer 27

havingfun101

Sanity is a leash to control the weak, like most rules. You're already a stalker, you could at least try to win or lurk in the proverbial bushes, whichever.

Answer 28

Lunatic1 | 243 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

It takes great self work to move past jealousy, if you are uncertain you can you may have to move on.

Answer 29

chriscdi | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

well you got the right mindset

Asker

18 d
Should I ghost him? Seriously... I wonder if I should. I'm way too attached to him..
chriscdi

18 d
well only if you feel like nothing is happening between you both and you feel like nothing will happen
Asker

18 d
I'm never insecure with men, why am I so insecure with him? I hate everything about the way I feel.
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chriscdi

18 d
because you caught feelings, makes you act up and its normal
Asker

18 d
You're right... and they're too strong really.
chriscdi

18 d
yea i figured

Answer 30

Asker

Should I ghost him? Seriously... I wonder if I should. I'm way too attached to him..

Answer 31

chriscdi

well only if you feel like nothing is happening between you both and you feel like nothing will happen

Answer 32

Asker

I'm never insecure with men, why am I so insecure with him? I hate everything about the way I feel.

Answer 33

chriscdi

because you caught feelings, makes you act up and its normal

Answer 34

Asker

You're right... and they're too strong really.

Answer 35

chriscdi

yea i figured

Answer 36

Avicenna | 4.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

You have an advantage- you can ask him out first.

Asker

18 d
An advantage? Oh, compared to those girls he added... I feel like puking as I write that.
Avicenna

18 d
If you want the guy, move first to ask him out. Much better than wringing your hands online.
Asker

18 d
I think he knows how I feel already... not sure on his end how he feels. He flirts a lot but that's about it.

I feel like ghosting him actually... can't handle this.
Show All Show Less
Avicenna

18 d
You should at least make the effort to ask him out. There's nothing to lose.
Asker

18 d
We've talked about it but it's covid time...

Answer 37

Asker

An advantage? Oh, compared to those girls he added... I feel like puking as I write that.

Answer 38

Avicenna

If you want the guy, move first to ask him out. Much better than wringing your hands online.

Answer 39

Asker

I think he knows how I feel already... not sure on his end how he feels. He flirts a lot but that's about it.

I feel like ghosting him actually... can't handle this.

Answer 40

Avicenna

You should at least make the effort to ask him out. There's nothing to lose.

Answer 41

Asker

We've talked about it but it's covid time...

How can I control my jealousy?

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