Is it okay for me to want my boyfriend to spend time alone with me, instead of hanging out in our friend group together?

Question

I haven't seen my boyfriend for about to weeks, since we've both been busy. We both finally have time, but he then decides to invite me and three of our friends over, instead of just me. I don't think a relationship can work, if you never actually spend time alone together. Because if our friends are there, I'll give him space to talk to them instead of me, and he'll do the same thing for me, because we're supposed to see eachother more often than we see them. Only problem is that we don't.

I don't find what he says to resonate with his actions. He says he misses me, and that he wishes I was with him when we're appart, but he doesn't actually try and see me, when we both have time.

Of course I've expressed to him that I wished that we were spending more time one on one, and he agreed.

I guess my real question is: Why would he tell me that he wants to see me, and then let me know that he's not busy by inviting a bunch of our friends and me over? That means I have no time to suggest that we could do anything else instead.

Answer 1

lovelyhoneybones | 461 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

You should NEVER feel wrong for wanting alone time with your boyfriend. Are you kidding me? You SHOULD be having alone time. He needs to understand this. I get you've talked to him about this but you guys both need to put in more effort. Maybe you can take the first step and just hangout with him at his house or at yours.

Answer 2

Cherokeehp | 819 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Are you guys ever alone together? What do you do in your alone time?

Asker

6 d
Yea sometimes, but it's rare because of the pandemic. Usually we go for walks or just sit and talk or kiss a little.
Cherokeehp

6 d
Well maybe he doesn’t see the appeal of being alone with you. I’m a firm believer that everyone should move at their own pace. If all your comfortable with is kissing then that’s perfectly fine. But maybe he’s just grown bored of just kissing and walking, and so hanging with his friends seems more fun than spending alone time with you.
Asker

6 d
Nah, none of us are ready, we're both virgins, not of religious reasons, we're just simply not ready, and he'd tell me if he felt like that now
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Cherokeehp

6 d
Are you absolutely certain of that. Most boys your age are interested in having sex. Perhaps he just hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to make you feel pressured? I’m only asking because I can’t really think of many other reasons a boyfriend wouldn’t want to be alone with his girlfriend. How long have you been dating? Is he shy? Does he like you a lot?
Asker

6 d
We've been in a relationship for a little less than a year. That being said, it's not all because we're not ready, it's also that we both live at home. We can't be at my place, because my parents are extremely religious and they dont approve of me having a boyfriend, they do know, but they don't want to see it in their house. We can be at his house, but his parents are rarely not there because of the pandemic and everyone working at home. We just don't have much time to be completely alone, if it's not outside..
Asker

6 d
We both care about eachother very much, I know that
Cherokeehp

6 d
It sounds like the relationship just got a bit boring. That doesn’t mean it’s either of your fault, the pandemic has probably made it difficult for you two to be together and to be able to go out and do things to enjoy each other’s company. The pandemic has also thrown a wrench into my relationship so I can definitely relate. Were you dating before the pandemic? Has he always been like this?
Asker

6 d
I wouldn't necessarily call it boring, I'd probably just call us inexperienced. Neither of us have been in a relationship before, and we're both shy and have hard times initiating conversations about serious relationship stuff. As of now we see eachother maybe on average 1 time ever 2 weeks, but we miss eachother a lot in that time. We sort of started dating right as the pandemic started to surface.
Asker

6 d
Every*
Cherokeehp

6 d
For a relationship that seems pretty dull. And I don’t mean like not having sex or anything. You rarely get to see each other, and when you do there’s nothing to do really, and you can’t even hang out at each other’s place and have privacy. Maybe that just sounds boring to me cause I’m a bit on the wild side. But it does sound like he’s just bored, and so hanging with his friends seems more fun. You should ask him how he feels.
Asker

6 d
Well we're both very much not on the wild side, and we do have fun just doing simple things because we like eachother and like getting to know eachother more even though we know eachother quite well. His friends are my friends aswell, we met them at the same time. Yes, we do have fun with them. I kind of feel like he still feels awkward in inviting me over (because of his parents) and therefore likes to invite groups over instead.
Cherokeehp

6 d
That could be it.

Answer 3

Asker

Yea sometimes, but it's rare because of the pandemic. Usually we go for walks or just sit and talk or kiss a little.

Answer 4

Cherokeehp

Well maybe he doesn’t see the appeal of being alone with you. I’m a firm believer that everyone should move at their own pace. If all your comfortable with is kissing then that’s perfectly fine. But maybe he’s just grown bored of just kissing and walking, and so hanging with his friends seems more fun than spending alone time with you.

Answer 5

Asker

Nah, none of us are ready, we're both virgins, not of religious reasons, we're just simply not ready, and he'd tell me if he felt like that now

Answer 6

Cherokeehp

Are you absolutely certain of that. Most boys your age are interested in having sex. Perhaps he just hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to make you feel pressured? I’m only asking because I can’t really think of many other reasons a boyfriend wouldn’t want to be alone with his girlfriend. How long have you been dating? Is he shy? Does he like you a lot?

Answer 7

Asker

We've been in a relationship for a little less than a year. That being said, it's not all because we're not ready, it's also that we both live at home. We can't be at my place, because my parents are extremely religious and they dont approve of me having a boyfriend, they do know, but they don't want to see it in their house. We can be at his house, but his parents are rarely not there because of the pandemic and everyone working at home. We just don't have much time to be completely alone, if it's not outside..

Answer 8

Asker

We both care about eachother very much, I know that

Answer 9

Cherokeehp

It sounds like the relationship just got a bit boring. That doesn’t mean it’s either of your fault, the pandemic has probably made it difficult for you two to be together and to be able to go out and do things to enjoy each other’s company. The pandemic has also thrown a wrench into my relationship so I can definitely relate. Were you dating before the pandemic? Has he always been like this?

Answer 10

Asker

I wouldn't necessarily call it boring, I'd probably just call us inexperienced. Neither of us have been in a relationship before, and we're both shy and have hard times initiating conversations about serious relationship stuff. As of now we see eachother maybe on average 1 time ever 2 weeks, but we miss eachother a lot in that time. We sort of started dating right as the pandemic started to surface.

Answer 11

Asker

Every*

Answer 12

Cherokeehp

For a relationship that seems pretty dull. And I don’t mean like not having sex or anything. You rarely get to see each other, and when you do there’s nothing to do really, and you can’t even hang out at each other’s place and have privacy. Maybe that just sounds boring to me cause I’m a bit on the wild side. But it does sound like he’s just bored, and so hanging with his friends seems more fun. You should ask him how he feels.

Answer 13

Asker

Well we're both very much not on the wild side, and we do have fun just doing simple things because we like eachother and like getting to know eachother more even though we know eachother quite well. His friends are my friends aswell, we met them at the same time. Yes, we do have fun with them. I kind of feel like he still feels awkward in inviting me over (because of his parents) and therefore likes to invite groups over instead.

Answer 14

Cherokeehp

That could be it.

Answer 15

friendlymbflirty

Xper 5

Omg I so relate to this. I think it is definitely ok to want alone time. If I were better able express my feelings and this were me I'd tell my boyfriend that while I love our friends I really just want to spend some time with only you. And if they were good at communicating and expressing their feelings I'd hope we could discuss it and come to a compromise. Maybe a date for us then after a small hangout.

Answer 16

Mrobody

Xper 3

😐 i thi k the only casethat he shouldn't choose u alone , is being with her mom. emotions are needed but not loyal. uv gotto find out his perspective of u. where is your place in his life.
and never expec mor than reality . he has to plan for having time with you if he realy loves u. generally its complicated and depended on ur n his personalites.
on thing is clear , dong get use to him. in real or virtual.

Answer 17

Unit1 | 4.3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Yeah, I too want to spend some quality time with a loving woman.

Answer 18

Sam_The_Savage | 61 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

Just spread legs
I'm sure he will leave whole world for you 😂😂

Asker

7 d
Mmmmm real classy
Sam_The_Savage

7 d
You like it?
Asker

7 d
Nah dude
Show All Show Less
Sam_The_Savage

7 d
Why babe?;it's great way to control asshol 😂
Asker

7 d
First of all, he's a great guy (just incredibly oblivious) second of all... don't call me babe
Sam_The_Savage

7 d
Why great guy don't have dick? 😂😂
Asker

7 d
... did not say that. I was referring to the part where you called him an asshole*
Sam_The_Savage

7 d
Okies babes. by the way what ya doing now?
Asker

7 d
None of your business. Don't. call. me. babe.
Sam_The_Savage

7 d
Wow attitude.
You know hot girls with attitude always look killer. No?
Asker

7 d
K byeeeee
Sam_The_Savage

7 d
Okies girl you can pm me if you want lol

Answer 19

Asker

Mmmmm real classy

Answer 20

Sam_The_Savage

You like it?

Answer 21

Asker

Nah dude

Answer 22

Sam_The_Savage

Why babe?;it's great way to control asshol 😂

Answer 23

Asker

First of all, he's a great guy (just incredibly oblivious) second of all... don't call me babe

Answer 24

Sam_The_Savage

Why great guy don't have dick? 😂😂

Answer 25

Asker

... did not say that. I was referring to the part where you called him an asshole*

Answer 26

Sam_The_Savage

Okies babes. by the way what ya doing now?

Answer 27

Asker

None of your business. Don't. call. me. babe.

Answer 28

Sam_The_Savage

Wow attitude.
You know hot girls with attitude always look killer. No?

Answer 29

Asker

K byeeeee

Answer 30

Sam_The_Savage

Okies girl you can pm me if you want lol

Answer 31

rustymopp

Xper 4

I would think it was perfectly normal to want some alone time with him

Answer 32

gusn77

Xper 3

Yes it is okay.

Answer 33

DonaldBiden

Xper 2

You sound clingy

Asker

7 d
I'm clingy for wanting to see him alone at least once every third week?
DonaldBiden

7 d
Be happy you get to spend time together at all. If he wanted to be alone you would be. If you’re meant to be, you’ll have a shit ton of alone time in the future. Maybe too much.
Asker

7 d
It's more complicated than you think.. but I could see how it would look that way
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lovelyhoneybones

7 d
In no way does she sound clingy for wanting alone time with her boyfriend. If she sounds clingy, you sound dumb.

Answer 34

Asker

I'm clingy for wanting to see him alone at least once every third week?

Answer 35

DonaldBiden

Be happy you get to spend time together at all. If he wanted to be alone you would be. If you’re meant to be, you’ll have a shit ton of alone time in the future. Maybe too much.

Answer 36

Asker

It's more complicated than you think.. but I could see how it would look that way

Answer 37

lovelyhoneybones

In no way does she sound clingy for wanting alone time with her boyfriend. If she sounds clingy, you sound dumb.

Is it okay for me to want my boyfriend to spend time alone with me, instead of hanging out in our friend group together?

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