caring__1 | 308 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 6
15 d
Have you ever loved a pet or a flower or a sunset? If so, you have the ability to love a person. The only true failure is a failure to act.
Maybe you haven't lost your ability to love but question your judgment to choose. If you keep finding yourself attracted to the same type of partner, and that type of partner is dysfunctional for you, open yourself up to other alternatives. Never assume maintaining the same patterns will lead to different results. When we were young, we may have had a deep positive experience with someone who looked a particular way. Sometimes we continue to be drawn to that look, associating it with that feeling, as we're looking to reexperience that feeling, yet the look has nothing to do with the feeling.
Maybe the issue is trust. Are you making sure the other person feels safe and trusted. We are unlikely to get (long-term) what we don't give.
Do you define a relationship as a healthy special connection or a provider of a lifestyle. Most providers give conditionally. Discuss your definitions up front, so you have a clear understanding of the cost for getting what you want. If you want to believe in love, the first step is to define what love means to you. Next, ask potential partners to define love and then clearly share your definition with them. Find out if you're on the same page and traveling the same path to the same destination.
If you're still not sure what love is, volunteer at a pet rescue or preschool. Never seek something before gaining a clear understanding of what you're seeking and how that will take you where you want to go.
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Asker
15 d
Ok so I'll address this in parts because I really hate when people try to presume that I don't know something.
I have not lost the ability to love... i love to the extent I want.
Judgement and choosing a partner... Well duh... It's my pattern to bear and cross alone. Everyone has a pattern to why they pick the partners they choose. Even you. This goes back to theories of family systems in my work. So yes. I do get in my own way but it's an ocean I cannot cross or no longer desire to cross.. i am not a MFT but it is in my relative field and I have invested much time in understanding relationships. That is not really the issue here.
The issue is trust? That is just maybe the top of the iceberg. But whatever my issues and no one really needs to concern themselves with jy iceberg
Good advice on defining love and expressing it... If I find myself dating again I will prepare with that
I have an idea of what love it I know what I've been give I know what I would want it to be like... Just seems to be all shit and pointless...
But I will definitely try to define it... Best advice on this question this far.
It's not that you are unable, but you have lost your desire. I can relate to that. I've found most people to be too self-serving to be healthy partners, yet they often don't see it in themselves. it would be nice if people considered how their words and actions impact others before they speak or act. I realize the likelihood of my finding what is meaningful to me is very slim. I choose to live the life that has value to me, but I don't totally remove myself from all opportuniitties. I just don't hold my breath in anticipation.
It's true that no one really needs to concern themselves with your iceberg, but people are here because they want to help, so it may be helpful to define the question a little better. It's not about what you used to want but what you want right now, dealing with the reality of your situation. When we were young, we could escape into fantasy, but the older we get, the more we can't ignore reality. Define the realistic options you'd like to see, and then identify paths that might take you where you want to be.
Don't worry girl. Your average person has only had 7 partners their entire life. People act like they can get another mate every weekend but they can't. I just got a girlfreind and I hadn't had a real girlfriend before that in 14 years. When I was younger that process was speeded up. It is a common thing for an older person. I had to get a younger girl. She's 25. I'm 38. But when she said she like me I snatched her up like she was Megan Fox. Old wise people used to tell me. You don't come accross a mate very often so when you do you need to hold on to her with everything you've got. I was too dumb when I was young to realize that. So it took this long dry time to make me realize that. Now I am not letting another one slip through my fingers.
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havingfun101 | 183 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 7
15 d
Women lose 90% of their eggs by age thirty and file 75% of divorces; marriage, cohabitation and childbirth are at all time lows. We get what we deserve.
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Asker
15 d
There's is no point to your post here.
Are you able to form an adult thought and state and complete opinion based on the numbers you spewed. Data like this means nothing without an subjective interpretation. Unless you have other empirical evidence to make a connect to an acceptable theory
InferiorElegy | 124 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 6
15 d
Right there with you. I don't know your life or your reasons but for me, my life has never known love, I'm not able to be loved or find love and therefore I have no belief that it exists in my life.
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Asker
15 d
Same here. Same here. I fought to believe it's real... But I think it is about time for me to give up on that journey and enjoy the rest of my life
chriscdi | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Master
15 d
just think of it this way, if you aren't dead then its not too late
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Asker
15 d
Yeah... I'm not dead.. Which is why I don't want to believe in love... I rather continue being happy without having to place that trust in someone again.
being in love doesn't mean you can't be independent, its just having someone thats there that will support you and care for you, having company, not dying alone, you know?
Asker
15 d
I am independent.
So if love is having someone there to support, have company, and not dying alone than it sounds like shit... I can do that myself. I guess I will continue to pass. Thanks though. Maybe it's not as good as everyone makes it seem to be. 🤷🏽♀️
whatever floats your boat, i hope someday you can see the positive of love 💯🙏🏽
Asker
15 d
Jesus that statement made me nauseated. Sounds like a putrid time... Please don't hope that for me especially if that's what u think love is... Sounds irriting as hell
Asker
15 d
If u wanna wish me a happy and fulfilled life. I'll take that.
I don't believe in love... I use to... Use to want to... If love is real do you have any suggestions to help me believe in it? Becusse that shit seems fake as fuck.
It definitely isn't fake. The old timers know what it is, but many modern changes makes things worse. I have never been in love, but I still believe that you need to find the right someone.
Asker
15 d
I don't know a lot of old timers are miserable... Very few are not.
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