I've been dating my boyfriend almost 2 years, we are in a distance relationship cause he study aboard so we only met in summer and this year because of covid he came back home and we were happy cause we gonna see each other more. Ltely this week he started being distance, he barely text, then he said he needs some time alone, I respected that, but after 3 days I became worried thinking maybe something bad happened, I texted him, called him but got no response. The day after, I called him again and he picked up, he seemed fine then I asked why he wanted to be alone and he said just like that which upsets me, but after talking over texts, he said I don't give him attention and I changed, he said I used to treat him special but now I treat him normal, he even said that the way I go out with him changed, I kept asking him to explain the last part so I can understand but he said I'm so annoying and I should stop. His words hurt me but I didn't show him that, I asked him if he still cares about me he said not that much, I asked him if he wanna end things between us, he said no, but he said that I fucked up so many time and even if he forgave me he couldn't forget and he keeps seeing those flashbacks, he found an old conversation between a guy and me talking *dirty*, it's an old conversation that happened before we even started dating but he got upset about it cause I didn't tell him, but honestly I forgot that that conversation happened, and that's what he can't forget, he said he didn't regret forgiving me but he keeps saying *I don't know* to every question I ask him, I asked him since he doesn't wanna break up we should fix things between us and he keeps saying *I don't know what to fix* and that made me think that he's not even trying to fix things between us. I can't work this by my own since we are in this relationship together but I don't know what to do, I love him and I don't want us to end, please HELP.
Long distance relationship or what is commonly known as Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is a relationship that is carried out by a woman and a man in two distant places. Even though it's not easy, there are many lessons you can take from this long distance relationship. For example, trust. When you are in this relationship, of course you have to cultivate your trust with your partner so that there is no suspicion about each other. This relationship also has its own challenges, such as having to endure longing for your partner. It must be difficult, huh, Beauty! However, actually many don't believe this long-distance relationship will last until the wedding? There was a friend of mine who feels trust in this long-distance relationship. He admitted that he did not dare to lie to his partner to maintain his relationship. He always tries to be honest with his partner. he also believes that communication is important in a long distance relationship. If there is something you don't like about your partner, you shouldn't hide it. Express everything you feel to your partner. Sometimes long-distance relationships can work depending on how they are carried out. Mutual trust in each other is also an important thing in this relationship. "Communication is very important, if there are grievances, it's better to just talk about it. But there are some people who don’t wanted to be in such a relationship.
Yeah, I understand and I agree that communication is the key to every relationship, not just between lovers, but the problem I always find is that whenever I try to talk about something he end it by saying I don't wanna talk about it and he leaves the conversation, which leads me to be in the dark. So most of the time he doesn't communicate with me, he just move on and never talk about it again
you can't clap with one hand, you need both hands, likewise for a relationship also commitment from both parties should be there, just try not to communicate with him for couple of days, see whether he talks to you or misses you
guesswhoseback | 50 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 5
5 d
As tough as it is and as much as you want answers you really need to withdraw from him and give him more time to think.
Personally I don’t like how he’s talking to you lately. I know how he feels about wanting distance to think (I’ve been in that situation) but what he texted you was pretty nasty. At least he’s speaking his mind but still I don’t like how he’s conveying it.
I think he’s likely struggling with an outside deep insecurity that has nothing to do with you. I understand your desire to help him but this is something guys need to figure out on their own.
My advice is to give him space for at least two weeks. Don’t initiate contact no matter how “concerned” you feel. That concern is really just you wanting to hear from him.
When he does reach out tell him about how his words hurt you. Then carefully watch his reaction. If he’s dismissive or worse tried to justify it then it’s time to move on.
Yesterday he said that when he forgave me he hoped that I could change, and when I asked him in which way that's what he said exactly (That mean i hoped that it’ll give u a waking call to take some time w urself and just know what’s up like what should be fixed in ur soul so u can be a better version of urself, cuz if u aren’t trying to be a better person m not gonna make u to i can only advise u to but i can’t make u cuz that change needs to come from u so it can be pure and real, and someone who isn’t willing to change into a better person isn’t really my type, cuz u gotta do a diagnostic to urself from time to time just like a car, to know what’s wrong and what should be fixed and what should be removed, that’s my whole point)
That message made me want to ask more like what's wrong with me and everything but I just stopped myself from asking to not be annoying
But I think that all the comments are right about him, maybe he wants me to be the one breaking up w me and not the other way
He’s 20 and guys usually take longer to understand relationships then women. Boys are not raised to understand relationships and dating. We are not raised to understand what women really want vs. what they say want. Most of us are unfortunately not raised on how to effectively communicate with women.
There is a scarcity complex of when someone loses interest. It’s tied into the ego. The feeling of less power (and being less valuable) and you want positive attention to negate that.
But this issue really is HIM and not you. Again he’s most likely dealing with something that has nothing to do with you.
I did the exact same thing he’s doing a few years ago. I drove a girl into dumping me and bitterly regret how I handled it. Still regret it today. But I only did it once in my life. Ever since then I’ve been much better communicating and I broke up with my last girlfriend face to face. She went absolutely psycho ballistic but at least I walked away knowing I did the right thing.
Anyway you need to stop contacting him. I know it’s easier said than done but you need to back off.
Also dating younger guys at your age is not a great idea. Some are more mature than others. But there are big experience gaps around that time. It’s different if you were in your early 30s and he was in his mid 20s or something. I’m not sure what kind of guy you are looking for but most 20 year guys are soul searching.
Np. Just reading about how he is acting makes me feel embarrassed tbh. I did the same thing and I was older than him. I’ll never make that mistake again though.
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yucychan | 391 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Yoda
5 d
Your boyfriend is just a whiny ass bitch. He wants to break up but he does not want to be the one that initiates it. He wants you to do all the dirty work instead. Don't you think it is pretty unfair that he is bringing up stuff that happened way before you two even started? I'd say leave him since his heart is not with you anymore. What's the point of holding on to such a meaningless relationship? The worst thing is that he can't even bring himself to tell you the truth. You know what I think? I think he liked another girl which is why he is giving you stupid excuses that no one comprehends.
I agree with this comment.. it's unfair for him to come with stupid excuses such as messages with someone else long before you guys even dated... it's childish.. he seems to want to annoy you and let you break up. (I don't know about another girl or something). But his words are very low and pathetic in my opinion...
His comments pissed me off too. I was in a similar position as him years ago but I never insulted my girlfriend like that. Admittedly I did make stupid comments but nothing that disrespectful.
At the time I just didn’t know wtf to do because she didn’t do anything wrong. But I need to figure things out on my own (without her). I was going through a difficult time and she didn’t deserve to have me drag her though it.
However he’s going to regret not communicating maturely for years to come if that’s the path he’s going down. How old is he anyway? Has he been in LT relationships before?
@guesswhoseback he's 20 and m 23, and as I know he dated before but not that lot, he was in a serious relationship for a year and the rest was just in high school
Alright it’s not a good idea to date younger guys at your age. Yeah at 20 he’s got a lot of soul searching to do.
You definitely need to back off contacting him.
Walamagicc | 52 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 5
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It seems like you’ve been more than understanding. He told him you don’t treat him much like a priority and you’ve tried to change but he’s not willing to compromise. It sound like he’s going to break up with you, ask him to either make up his mind or you can just become distant too. Don’t beg him to talk to you.
Then you can break up with him yourself. He’s not trying to communicate with you. He’s acting like a child. Move onto a man because this is a boy you’re dealing with.
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chriscdi | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Master
5 d
*whistles* ouch
i can't really help you cause its seems like the spark is gone, from here the most common result is downhill, the spark is gone for him and he isn't motivated to put in anymore effort, if whats bothering him the most is your sexting conversation with that other person then obbiously it will make him feel some type of way, something you can try is try sexting him and well things that would boost his confidence would be if you can make him feel like you are only his, its gonna be hard tho because he seems depressed now and well popping a boner when depressed is uncommon, if you can't bring that spark back then the relationship is worthless.
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1truekhaleesi | 353 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Guru
5 d
I would feel sympathetic if he said that he doesn't feel as special anymore. He seems really upset about this conversation before you knew he existed. What the hell does he expect you to do? If he means that much to you, apologize about the conversation and arrange something nice for him to make him feel special. It sounds like he doesn't want to fix anything, because he seems to think that you're causing all the problems in this relationship.
I already apologized for the conversation even if it happened before dating him and he said that he forgave me but when I tried to find out why he's being distance he said that he keeps seeing those flashback of that conversation and he can't forget about it, also yesterday he said that I should be a better version of myself, I don't know what he meant by that
I don't know what else he expects you to do if you've already apologized.
Finchie40 | 1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Guru
4 d
Do yourself a favor and dump him , he is manipulating you and probably cheating on you or looking to cheat on you and blame you for his actions , he doesn’t value you because if he did he wouldn’t be not calling you for days and blaming you for shit that happened before you were together , so you are best to kick him to the curb and realize you deserve better than that
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SphynxUK | 225 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 6
5 d
He’s probably found someone else. And if he hasn’t, he’s clearly bad news. He wants you to pander to him 24/7. He needs to grow up, and you need to move on. Give it a month or so and your rose tinted glasses will come off. You’re not happy. Be realistic.
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MecheD | 174 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 7
5 d
Give him his space. From the sounds of it the distance with him being in school helped you two miss one another. Now that may have changed. Also try to focus on yourself this is the perfect time to do so.
It's over him so sorry. Block and delete, go online and find someone else. He's emotionally unavailable, bad communicater and doesn't seem interested. I'm sorry for your loss
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belle_kai | 52 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Xper 7
5 d
Give him the space he wants and let him know you are there however if he starts acting up, or neglects you and your efforts of trying are ignored. Move on
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Iron_Man | 6.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Master
5 d
Be distance back if it works it works if it doesn’t it doesn’t
All I would say. Maintain some distance from him right now don't contact him again and again. It will annoy him. It's been two years now and maybe his honeymoon phase has ended with you. It's the high feeling of oxytocin that makes us feel love, like we love someone. Maybe now he don't have feelings for you right now. But you can get them back by making yourself unavailable to him. And maybe he love someone else now. And yeah the conversation you are talking about with a guy you did is hurting him a lot. And that's a red flag don't pursue him. And all I could see that it's the end of your relationship and you should move on.
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