What would you do if you were engaged but someone better came along?

[lumos]

Realistically, how would I even know that this other person is actually better? I wouldn't get engaged on a whim, which means that I've likely been with my partner for at least a couple of years. I would be deeply in love with him. I'd be looking forward to getting married with him. I'd likely be busy planning the wedding. If someone else came along and I happened to get a crush on him, I'd leave it at that. It's just a crush. I don't know this person or how he'd behave in a relationship, I don't know whether he's actually "better" than my partner, because any judgment I make is based on the rose colored glasses that I'm wearing. I would not throw away the man I'm with for a crush. I don't actually know if this other person is better for me. And I don't want to waste my time finding out that he might actually not be better.

If someone is willing to throw away and engagement because some stranger suddenly waltzes into your life, then that relationship was actually never real.

[TheLittleBuggy]

I picked End the engagement simply because if you could even imagine someone "better" than they perhaps aren't who you really want to be with. And I don't mean fantasies about some television character, but if some dude comes along and you're even considering of you'd be better off with him, then you shouldn't be getting married. Otherwise later down the road you'd probably think about if it might have been better with the other person and end up doing more harm than good.

If it's simply for things like money or looks though? Well then shame on you and your fiance probably deserves better than you anyway.
Keep in mind though, a rich man will remember when you were nothing and he was something and might believe you owe him something or feel free to "wander" because what else are you going to do without him?

The poor man will remember when you stayed with him even though he had nothing.

[NarutoUzumaki007]

Look
If I chose a person as marriage worthy , that means we have been together through a lot and I judged her as marriage material

I am not saying that the person I chose for marriage is "the best candidate out there" but for me I don't care. I don't want the best person , I am happy with even an average person who understands me and has been by my side and loved me with all her heart

It's true that I may find someone with better "potential". But that is just potential at the end of the day.

How can I say with certainty that I can reach the same point with "better" person" as I did with my current partner. It's just speculation. The "better person" may say no to marriage later down the road or she may has flaws I didn't notice initially.

Why would I take such a risk based on just speculation? No person in this world is perfect. I will be just happy with what I have with me instead of losing it and aiming for more

[SoulSkyFlare]

If you're having a better time with someone else other than your loved one, and the both of you happen to be romantically interested in each other, it's time to call it quits on the current engagement.
The very fact that you perceive someone else as "better" is a red flag your current loved one is not "the one". Else, you run the risk of spending most (if not all) of your live married to someone you don't really love that much after all and/or living in regret thinking about "the better one" and wondering "what if?"

Been in that situation already, did what I had to do. Honesty over all.

[rjroy3]

Id stay with my partner.

Great for me/really good means:
Kind
Caring
Genuine
Playful/adventurous
Enthusiastic sexually
She's time tested as trustworthy
She's very attractive
She wants the same thing as me

Basically, if I'm sure enough to get engaged. No girl can just come by and seem "better" to me even if she's more physically attractive. To be truly better for me she would have to prove it to me over years

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Someone better? Better how? More money? Better looking? That don't mean better person, better relationship... And if engaged, then how do you even know they're better? If engaged but talking, flirting spending time with someone other than their fiance, then yeah shouldn't get married. But because the fiance deserve a better partner than someone who's already looking for "better" before they even get to the alter... Some people shouldn't be in relationships these days, much less get married til they get what love and relationships are supposed to be about. Or at least read the book..

[watrewks]

Depends on what “better” means. If I’m engaged with someone then we have definitely thought through many aspects of our future together and we are definitely compatible. If by “better” you mean someone I just instantly click with and love their personality then I wouldn’t change a thing.


Now if I’m lying to myself and I’m only trying to marry this person because I’m physically attracted to them, then someone better comes along then yes I’d end the engagement.


For me, what’s most important is if we share the same values. I dated plenty of women where our personalities meshed very well together, but our values didn’t align and I didn’t want life to be such a battle whenever those things came up.

[CMC93]

If I am getting engaged, no one else should be in the picture in the first place.

It really shows that person who is looking at other options, while already being engaged, isn't committed, reliable, or trustworthy. I would hope they would leave.

[n_gee]

It really depends on how long you've know the other guy.

Let's say you know him well enough and you both are able to communicate properly with each other. Make a separate list of guy A (person you're engaged with) and then one of guy B.

Write down every pro and con on the list. Example pro he is considerate, con he is easily irritable. Think on if the cons are something you can work on together to improve and even speak it out with the guy in question to see his reaction if you are willing to. Take into consideration that a person can change for the better or worse.

Compare the list together and (if followed up) the reactions of when you confronted the guy of something that doesn't make you happy. This should help you see a bit more clearly who is worth staying with.

[JuliaStyles]

As long as you haven't gotten married yet you can call off the engagement. Better to do that and be with the one you think is better than to regret that you didn't and went through the wedding. But it is a good thing you figured this out sooner than later. How long will it be before you find someone else better than your new choice? I think you better figure it out as you don't really seem ready for marriage - with anyone.

[George1992]

Good day.

By the time you ask someone to get married or say yes, you feel so strongly about a person that you want to send the rest of your life together I don't think you would even notice someone better and if you do keep in mind that you might like that person but you love the one you are about to marry. the is a big difference between love and lust

[spartan55]

What does this have to do with an engaged guy giving you attention? You claimed that you 'didn't know he was engaged' until recently, yet you are still carrying on about it. I will ask the obvious question here: Why are you entertaining an engaged man? Are you that starved for attention?

[RawIronhide]

Someone better? How do you define better. No one is any better or worse. what's important is the experience you share with someone. If you suddenly see someone whom you think is "better" I would say that first relationship didn't mean that much to you in the first place, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Lol. Call it off because you don't love him. And this is exactly why men should refuse to get married. If you did happen to marry her, and someone better came along, she'd divorce you, take your assets, and go with the better option anyway. Marriage is an outdated relic of an ancient era, and needs to die out completely. There is no "sanctity" of marriage anymore.

[Vetis]

This question is really,
Are you a warrior?
The reason men are loyal is because we evolved to be warriors.
Warriors have to depend on each other to fight, or they will all die to a band of warriors who do trust each other.
When you're not fighting with other men, you have to suppress the drive to be loyal to a woman.
You can struggle and be abused by using vestigial loyalty.
Or you can adapt and be psychopathic.
Women will probably like you more anyway, because you'll be pragmatic instead of a simpleton.
With selective disloyalty, you will live a more pleasurable life.

[Dali-chan]

If by better you mean someone nicer, who treat me better, respect me more, is more devoted while my actually partner is ignoring me, then yes I will end up the engagement.


But If by better you mean better looking or richer, then no.

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like something's wrong in paradise.
Have there been problems during this engagement?
That's where I would look. As many have said, there's always what could "appear" to be something better out there. Grass is greener and all that.
But seems to me, there's something going on inside YOU or with the couple that is causing this doubt. Better to examine it now before anything else goes forward.
Engagement is the TIME to break up. Not after marriage.

[007kingifrit]

someone "better" can't just "come along" it takes months or years to know someone in detail enough to know if they are better "for YOU" you might end up losing one only to find the new one isn't really compatible with you long term, at which point... you fucked up huh?

[Miristheiss]

That sounds like hypergamy.
I was never the type that did that.
I was and am committed to 1 person.
I have good boundaries so I do not let myself get too close to others I may find attractive.
I would have ended things if she were doing something inappropriate or we weren't a good fit/match... but when she is a good fit I am committed... I am not looking.
If I feel a spark with someone else, I stay away from them to honor the relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

If its a toxic relationship, i’d leave anyways. But if he's a great guy who loves me and i find him attractive and love him in return, then i have no reason to look for “better”. What could get better than that? I mean if he and i were too different in terms of goals/interests then we wouldn't have been together anyways

[Drakkith]

Someone "better"? What does that even mean? How can you even know they're better if you haven't been in a relationship with them?

[CurlyGirl42]

well this is a very hypothetical question for me.. there will not suddenly come someone who is better. You cannot know if this other person is better unless you dated them before. And in that case there was a reason that it ended, so how exactly is it better, and why would it not end again? Other scenario is that you started seeing this new person while being engaged and got to know them better. If someone is that disrespectful to their partner then they are not worth marrying anyway.

[JPrez]

Well, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You would have to make a mental list about the qualities of each and then examine your current relationship but you should always remember to be true to yourself first. Then the final thing is: "Can I live the rest of my life without this person in it?". After those things, you'll know what to do.

[WesBrewer]

Break off the engagement just because there was a guy who looks better? that is why relationships are so screwed nowadays, when you get engaged you are almost promising to be with someone for the rest of your life, you don't break off an engagement unless they turned out to be a bad person, not because you lose feeling for them or because there is a better person.

[Wowboi]

That is something a hoe would do cos they make decisions with their fannies lol men is known to stick to the plan. If you ain't ready to commit stay a hoe and don't waste someone time, effort and fuck with their head.

[ohshee]

There is no one better that's why I would have got engaged in the first place

You have to understand the moment you get married every other day some is going to temp you if you even think about it I will tell you now your marriage won't last very long

[slatyb]

The proper action is A, even if the wedding is imminent. It's a PITA to unwind a planned wedding, and results in lost deposits, but it's far better than entering a marriage with regret.

[RingOfFire]

End the engagement. But not for the reason you might assume.

If you have feelings that there is "someone better," than you are not ready to get married and the marriage will likely fail. Those feelings indicate that you are not a candidate for marriage. It's not a matter of better or worse. Marriage isn't a contest, it's about love and commitment. If you have these feelings, you are not in the right mindset to have a successful marriage.

[treetreena]

If I knew I loved another person I would certainly not go trough with the marriage. But it would also depend if I can actually be with the person I find better and if not I’d stick with the one who’s marrying me...

[DWornock]

Notice that close to half the women would end the engagement but less than half that many men. That tells a lot about how loyal and faithful men vs. women are.

[Anonymous]

if i find someone better i change , but i should really be sure , and that requires time and effort to find out , but if i am in a relationship that is almost impossible to find out

so is something that really unlikly will happen , but if it happens and i am 100% sure the other is better , then i think is better for both to brake up , but i would really be careful about that , super careful

[guesswhoseback]

and women wonder why men are terrified about getting married (not to mention being the one that has to propose).

Are you in this position right now? And how do you know without a doubt the new person is “better” when you most likely didn’t spend a fraction as much time with them as with your fiancé? They seem “better” because they appeal to your emotions.

This is why a man should never propose UNLESS she brings up the idea of getting married first.

[boggboss]

If someone better is simply able to come along and be better I can't be that into the person I was gonna marry

[Keith469]

Wow what a horrible situation. Engagement is not a little thing I mean if I get engaged shouldn't mean that I found the one but if somebody better comes along better switch horses now than later. I'd better be damn sure though.

[SnowyOwl]

I that's how you feel about the person you are engaged to, than you never really loved them...
That really sucks for him and for you...
Just don't get engaged if there's no love

And that would never happen to me. Yes I dare say NEVER

[Skankhunt]

If I'm engaged, I wouldn't look for another girl or leave my fiancé.

Also, what do you define as better? Better looking?

[r_r_g]

How very funny.
I suppose engaged is still not married - but better simply doesn't arrive until something in a relationship has broken - the trust, usually.
So, for that to happen - you were either forcing things all along, or you were being cheated on.

[LemiaOfTheCodes]

If by some weird stretch i found myself attracted to her i woul discuss it with my partner

[jshm2]

It's only an engagement. Not a marriage.

Though you could say you dodged a bullet, by not marrying such a shallow person.

[hahahmm]

I give women a fair shot without any drama/bs. So if my woman hasn't messed up then she has nothing to worry about.

Most women these days don't do that for men so the value of relationships is sinking like a rock in the ocean.

[KrakenAttackin]

Define "Someone better"?

Every guy contemplating marriage should note this question. Just remember that when you marry her, you are NOT her first choice.

[Nigjt]

Still get married an let my wife know that this other bitch is trying to get at me an not to worry just let me work the bitch because the money would be for her an I.
God Bless

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I will ask the first one if we three can get engaged😂😂😂😂😂

[karolaga]

If you are engaged you have to be sure that's the person for you , if you notice someone better you were never sure to begin with so it doesn't seem like your engagement was solid to me.

[jgokgotit]

For me there would not be a better person. If I proposed to a woman, that means I feel like I know her inside and out and love her, flaws and all. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.

[msc545]

I would probably still get married. However, I know that a woman, based on hypergamy, would immediately end the engagement and go for the better prospect. This is why I am unmarried.

[__inkRat]

If I would be your man, I would cancel engagement and run for hills.
Someone better huh, well you dont know is he better or not and this logic lets upgrade to better one when almost married is sickening.
I hope he is going to find this out and leave your ass, quiz in time he is going to regret marrying you.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

Define better.
Do I love that person more?
Or something else?

[Anonymous]

Hypergamy is the female tendency to prefer the highest status males. Females are biologically compelled to seek males with resources and status greater than theirs. Introduction of a higher status/better resourced males results in females "trading up". Its already pretty apparent what most females would do although they may even tell themselves its not about money but "true love". This is why men now are reluctant to commit in a relationship-female hypergamy.

[Jamie05rhs]

If I was engaged, I wouldn't be looking for "someone better."

[Gedaria]

If she is not happy, pointless , fighting about it..

[Darcia]

Still get engaged and stay faithful to the person I got engaged with

[GoogleWasMyIdea]

One girl even voted to end it:( Dont people realize that there will always be someone better? However, the person you are with chose you.

[b5fan]

If you do not truly love your fiancé... move on. It will save you much heartache. At this point if you think someone else is better... It will not get better...

[IveGotNoName]

Hopefully, I'm in love with the guy I'm engaged to, and that means there is no one better for me.

[Omar5881]

What do you mean someone “better “ it depends who you love and feel comfortable with

[DaMack999]

That's cold feet talking. Don't let your inner desire to be there drive you nuts.

[dpy87]

If you need to stop getting married because someone is "better" I actually would question you.

[Shellyworld]

I hate to be in that situation. Why the hell are the perfect men soooo faarrr away?

[OddBeMe]

Depends. Is “better” just infatuation? Or do you actually know the person as well as your intended? Because everyone’s got flaws. But I perhaps you’re really just not ready for marriage. And that’s ok.

[Backspin2]

There will always be someone more attractive, more witty, more exciting, more money and so on... that's where loyalty and love comes in. How would you like it if your fiance ditched you for someone else on a whim. Exactly. Away from me Satan 😂😂😂

[StunningANDbrave]

And here you have it ladies and gentlemen, the real reason why men aren't choosing to get married/date Lol look at the poll.

[JamesRandiDebates]

Typical female question. Hypergamy knows no bounds.

[Anonymous]

I was engaged, and got married
One thing I have learned is that you will always think grass is greener. But when you actually attain the maturity to realize that what you see is not the whole truth, makes it easy to easily walk away from those thoughts/whims.

This is assuming you are with someone who is mature, committed loyal etc and so are you vs still in the phase where you want to try every fish in the sea