TMI or Privacy Protection?

Question

Recently, my best friend met a guy that she had an instant & intense connection with. They clicked instantly & shared many intimate personal details of their lives with each other almost immediately, as well as becoming intimate very quickly after meeting. It was like an instant, very intense, very serious relationship had just materialized out of nowhere overnight. (I'm leaving my personal judgments out of the story; she asked me to stay neutral) Meeting him, I saw the chemistry they had & how easily they communicated & that they genuinely loved being together. There was no question. They've been spending every waking moment together for about a month now. However, they met on an app similar to this one in a few ways. (But not exactly the same) As they're both still active, she's noticed him representing himself as a 100% single man & making comments like "I'll almost certainly be a bachelor for the rest of my days" He's not flirting with anyone, or saying these things to attract women, but it's starting to bother her. They've been attached at the hip since Day One-literally spending every night sleeping over together & talking very seriously about how their relationship keeps getting better & they didn't expect to "fall in love again" at this point. Very deep, very serious emotions are regularly referenced as the cornerstone of the relationship. There's no indication whatsoever that he's being duplicitous or deceitful to her. In fact, he seems genuinely head over heels. GUYS-is his online behavior simply a guy keeping his private life private by maintaining the same identity he had when they met? Or is it a red flag that he may be of more than one mindset about their future? All ideas welcomed!

Answer 1

Novacane

Xper 6

It honestly could mean a lot of things, personally, I think people put too many implications on what people post on the internet. We need to not take things seriously. especially on apps like these, anybody can get on here and say anything, think of it like that he has a persona online and the show much go on. It's different if he is acting single on social media like Facebook, Instagram, Snap, those social media where it's more personal than yeah that could raise some red flags. But when it comes to apps like these I would take them seriously. I would say ask him why he does that. And as you mentioned some people like keeping their lives private so social and sometimes I agree you don't need to put your life out there for everyone.

Answer 2

coachTanthony | 775 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

Could be just keeping shit private which in my opinion is a good idea. She should not be afraid to ask these questions so early on.

The early stages is where she needs to ask questions like these so that they are on the same page.

Answer 3

Wonderer89 | 2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

I think there is a difference between keeping your business private and intentionally misrepresenting yourself to others. It’s one thing to say nothing about your relationship status... but it’s another to put out statements that directly contradict where he’s at with her and not clarify why.
I get that it’s still early but why should she waste her time getting to know someone who wants to be a bachelor for the rest of his days if she’s interested in a committed relationship. It’s just about being on the same page

Answer 4

NathanDavis | 63 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 6

hmmmmm

This is intriguing, as it sounds that they are doing this great together, and if it bothers her, I wonder, why doesn't she just ask him or talks about it with him?

But I do think that he could be mantaining a certain persona, that is always a possibility

jessacat83

7 d
She is a timid person in her relationships, and I think she hasn't mentioned it simply because although they've grown close very quickly, it's still early in the relationship & she doesn't want to seem too demanding or clingy.
jessacat83

7 d
I would personally like to know what his real life friends & family know about the relationship, because I think that's a better way to gague a person's seriousness than their online life.
NathanDavis

7 d
but this would not be demanding, is just natural to be curious about things, and if they have done so well together in very short time, then, perceived as "clingy" is not a possibility.

asking or wanting to talk about things that bother us are very very low risk, so it's worth to just do it

I am also wondering if this guy is aware, that his girlfriend is watching what he does on the site, and maybe she knows and they agreed to this at first, and now she is having secound thoughts, and if that was the case, then she for soure, should tell him that she is starting to have second thoughts, these are the things in every relationship that have to be addressed early or at the very moment, or they will become very problematic and very high risk to confront them later
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NathanDavis

7 d
I really did not share much about my relationship with my family, just the bare minimum and all my relationships were pretty serious, lol. So this could be very different for everyone.
jessacat83

7 d
As far as I'm aware they both know that their activities on the site are fair game. I know once at my house he jokingly teased her about a couple things she'd posted to someone else so I think it's assumed that whatever is said is in the other's line of sight.
jessacat83

7 d
What do you mean by her having 2nd thoughts? In what regard?
NathanDavis

7 d
maybe they agreed that she would be fine if he kept posting as if he were still single and not in a relationship, maybe at first she thought she would give it a try or that she did not mind it.

Then, over time, it started to bother her, therefore second thoughts about he first decision.
jessacat83

7 d
No, she would've told me if there was a specific agreement made. She asked me to ask this and stands by in an advisory fashion lol
NathanDavis

7 d
i see, but still, it does bother her, and to bring up the subject with some tact, is very much worth and it is very low risk

Answer 5

jessacat83

She is a timid person in her relationships, and I think she hasn't mentioned it simply because although they've grown close very quickly, it's still early in the relationship & she doesn't want to seem too demanding or clingy.

Answer 6

jessacat83

I would personally like to know what his real life friends & family know about the relationship, because I think that's a better way to gague a person's seriousness than their online life.

Answer 7

NathanDavis

but this would not be demanding, is just natural to be curious about things, and if they have done so well together in very short time, then, perceived as "clingy" is not a possibility.

asking or wanting to talk about things that bother us are very very low risk, so it's worth to just do it

I am also wondering if this guy is aware, that his girlfriend is watching what he does on the site, and maybe she knows and they agreed to this at first, and now she is having secound thoughts, and if that was the case, then she for soure, should tell him that she is starting to have second thoughts, these are the things in every relationship that have to be addressed early or at the very moment, or they will become very problematic and very high risk to confront them later

Answer 8

NathanDavis

I really did not share much about my relationship with my family, just the bare minimum and all my relationships were pretty serious, lol. So this could be very different for everyone.

Answer 9

jessacat83

As far as I'm aware they both know that their activities on the site are fair game. I know once at my house he jokingly teased her about a couple things she'd posted to someone else so I think it's assumed that whatever is said is in the other's line of sight.

Answer 10

jessacat83

What do you mean by her having 2nd thoughts? In what regard?

Answer 11

NathanDavis

maybe they agreed that she would be fine if he kept posting as if he were still single and not in a relationship, maybe at first she thought she would give it a try or that she did not mind it.

Then, over time, it started to bother her, therefore second thoughts about he first decision.

Answer 12

jessacat83

No, she would've told me if there was a specific agreement made. She asked me to ask this and stands by in an advisory fashion lol

Answer 13

NathanDavis

i see, but still, it does bother her, and to bring up the subject with some tact, is very much worth and it is very low risk

Answer 14

Levin | 1.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

If they have this great wonderful forever relationship then there should be communication about stuff like this. Stuff that makes her feel uncomfortable. Rather than asking this question here on this website, which is just silly, in my opinion.

jessacat83

6 d
I understand her wanting to get a few more people's ideas & input before doing something rash. I wouldn't have the patience to wait for the responses, myself. If I have something to say to my SO, I say it like 30 seconds later.

Answer 15

jessacat83

I understand her wanting to get a few more people's ideas & input before doing something rash. I wouldn't have the patience to wait for the responses, myself. If I have something to say to my SO, I say it like 30 seconds later.

Answer 16

kimbim

Xper 3

I Think that is wrong. I always tell people that I have my wife who is the love of my life and I met her in high school and I don't care if you are a billionaire pornstar... wild horses couldn't drag me from my princess honey brown eyes darling

Answer 17

Avicenna | 4.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

She'd need to to ask him. Either is possible.

Answer 18

Luckycharms12 | 182 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 7

To much to soon for me

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