Thoughts on Prenup?

Question

My boyfriend and I are discussing certain issues with moving towards marriage and had brought up prenups.

I personally found it offensive but I understand why its good to have. Would like to hear from other couples. Pls share.

Answer 1

CallMeDave | 827 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

I'm like you with that. I don't really like the idea because it sort of feels like you don't trust your partner and/or expect the marriage to fail, but unfortunately many marriages do fail and divorce laws can be unfair and so there can be good reasons to have one.

I think you have to be really careful though because it's impossible to know what the situation will be if you ever get divorced and sometimes a prenup can cause more problems than it solves if something significant changes that you didn't anticipate in the prenup.

I know of one case where someone wanted a prenup thinking it would protect her but because of some things that happened it ended up really hurting her when she got divorced years later.

So I think it's not clear whether they are a good idea or not.

Asker

7 d
Thank you for sharing this. Will you be able to elaborate more pls?
CallMeDave

7 d
I don't know the exact details, but she entered the marriage with a good bit more money than he had and so she wanted a prenup. I'm not sure what the exact wording of the agreement was or exactly how it happened, but somehow during the course of the marriage they used most of what the prenup considered her money to pay their bills and go on vacations while money accumulated in what the prenup considered his money. I'm not sure whether he deliberately deceived her or if she forgot or didn't understand the exact wording of the prenup and made bad decisions about how to handle their joint expenses, but when they got divorced she ended up with very little because "her" money had been mostly depleted and "his" money had grown quite a bit.

And of course when they were getting divorced things weren't good between them and he didn't choose to be fair to her and just used the prenup to leave the marriage much better off than she was.

Without the prenup, she'd have gotten a more fair share of the assets, so she hurt herself by getting one (and then not keeping in mind what it said when making decisions about which account to pay joint expenses from).

I'm sure that there are also other things that could happen that are unexpected and that the prenup didn't cover because it was unexpected, so I'm not convinced that they always provide the kind of protection that people think they do.

Answer 2

Asker

Thank you for sharing this. Will you be able to elaborate more pls?

Answer 3

CallMeDave

I don't know the exact details, but she entered the marriage with a good bit more money than he had and so she wanted a prenup. I'm not sure what the exact wording of the agreement was or exactly how it happened, but somehow during the course of the marriage they used most of what the prenup considered her money to pay their bills and go on vacations while money accumulated in what the prenup considered his money. I'm not sure whether he deliberately deceived her or if she forgot or didn't understand the exact wording of the prenup and made bad decisions about how to handle their joint expenses, but when they got divorced she ended up with very little because "her" money had been mostly depleted and "his" money had grown quite a bit.

And of course when they were getting divorced things weren't good between them and he didn't choose to be fair to her and just used the prenup to leave the marriage much better off than she was.

Without the prenup, she'd have gotten a more fair share of the assets, so she hurt herself by getting one (and then not keeping in mind what it said when making decisions about which account to pay joint expenses from).

I'm sure that there are also other things that could happen that are unexpected and that the prenup didn't cover because it was unexpected, so I'm not convinced that they always provide the kind of protection that people think they do.

Answer 4

John_Galt

Xper 7

honestly... after the VISCOUS divorces I’ve seen my friends go through, it’s perfectly understandable to want a prenup.
I’m talking about couples that I would have bet everything I owned on! These people truly loved each other deeply but when it comes time for a divorce men and women both go for the throat!!
So I wouldn’t take it personal that he wants a divorce. You have to understand that marriage is tilted in favor of women completely and men are really taking a risk to get married.

John_Galt

6 d
Vicious*

Answer 5

John_Galt

Vicious*

Answer 6

Anonymous

No man should get married today without a prenup. Think about it, half of marriages end in divorce and 70% of those divorces are filed by women. And it's no secret that men get screwed in divorce court and custody settlements. Any woman who has a problem with her man wanting a prenup doesn't deserve his hand in marriage.

Answer 7

Sia_nee | 208 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

Why is it offensive? If I ever get married I'm definitely using a Prenup.

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