If someone asks you to come over after they hit you, do you do it?

Question

She wants me to come over and talk it out.
I'm not sure, after what I saw yesterday I think she'd be capable of murdering me.

Updates:

1 y

I'm giving it a go.
I agreed to meet up tomorrow because she doesn't want to talk over the phone.

1 y

Actually it went very well.
We talked a lot and she even cooked dinner, I didn't think she was capable of cooking.
She let me go only after midnight and we talked about having more dinners like this.
I hope it's a sincere change of pace and not just something temporary.

Answer 1

Screenwriter | 586 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

If someone's struck you in anger, something's seriously wrong with them.
You need to see a counselor together to work this out.
Abusive people always promise they'll never do it again and they always DO IT AGAIN.
Do not trust words. Trust actions.

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2 People

Screenwriter

1 y
Jean-Marie ANYONE who WANTS SOMETHING FROM YOU, i. e., your MOTHER who wants MONEY from you, will try to manipulate you into thinking she's changed her stripes.
DO NO BE FOOLED BY THIS ACTION.
Add up the total times she's transgressed and overstepped boundaries with you. How many times? How many times over money?
Why haven't you discussed THIS with her.
What are your limits?
You're with a woman you're about to marry. You shouldn't be giving your mother ANY MONEY AT ALL unless you're a rich man. Since you are not, she has to fend for herself. She's, what, in her 40s? Why is she constantly mooching off you?
There is something sincerely wrong with your mother. I can't determine what it is. But she appears to expect you to support her. You're 23, goddammit! That's a ridiculous expectation.
Your mother is overbearing and my guess is she's a people user. Always has been and always will be.
Mark my words.
Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
At this point I'm willing to give her the money she needs, if she keeps this behavior and doesn't snob me or mistreat me.
We aren't exactly rich but I'm getting a lot of money as of late and my fiancée is wealthy, so I guess I can give something regularly to my mother since I would just put it away anyways.
My mother is in her early 40s and could work, but since she reacts negatively when I tell her I have stopped telling her to find herself a job.
Screenwriter

1 y
OK. It's your choice. But she's lazy and you're supporting her being so. I don't understand that. And she's HIT you. WHy are you allowing such abuse? WHy are you letting her get away with this?
Nothing good willl come of it JM. Good luck.

Answer 2

Screenwriter

Jean-Marie ANYONE who WANTS SOMETHING FROM YOU, i. e., your MOTHER who wants MONEY from you, will try to manipulate you into thinking she's changed her stripes.
DO NO BE FOOLED BY THIS ACTION.
Add up the total times she's transgressed and overstepped boundaries with you. How many times? How many times over money?
Why haven't you discussed THIS with her.
What are your limits?
You're with a woman you're about to marry. You shouldn't be giving your mother ANY MONEY AT ALL unless you're a rich man. Since you are not, she has to fend for herself. She's, what, in her 40s? Why is she constantly mooching off you?
There is something sincerely wrong with your mother. I can't determine what it is. But she appears to expect you to support her. You're 23, goddammit! That's a ridiculous expectation.
Your mother is overbearing and my guess is she's a people user. Always has been and always will be.
Mark my words.

Answer 3

Jean-Marie_Céline

At this point I'm willing to give her the money she needs, if she keeps this behavior and doesn't snob me or mistreat me.
We aren't exactly rich but I'm getting a lot of money as of late and my fiancée is wealthy, so I guess I can give something regularly to my mother since I would just put it away anyways.
My mother is in her early 40s and could work, but since she reacts negatively when I tell her I have stopped telling her to find herself a job.

Answer 4

Screenwriter

OK. It's your choice. But she's lazy and you're supporting her being so. I don't understand that. And she's HIT you. WHy are you allowing such abuse? WHy are you letting her get away with this?
Nothing good willl come of it JM. Good luck.

Answer 5

exitseven | 2.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

No. I went out with crazy woman who used to hit me and abuse me. She was abused as a kid and had a hard life. I think she was bipolar or something too because she only did it every three or four weeks. I used to hold onto her and try to restrain her. I would never hit a woman. Once she got away from me and fell down and hit her head. It was bleeding pretty good and I was afraid to call an ambulance. Fortunately I got the bleeding to stop and she was really calm after that. Afterwards I talked her into seeing a therapist. We broke up but I guess therapy helped her because she has a pretty normal life now.

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Answer 6

lightbulb27 | 1.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

who, what, where, why when? male or female? With you, I assume female... you don't associate with males.

We really need your life turned into a video "soap opera". You'd get a lot of viewers.

hitting is touching and tension. tension precursor to intimacy.

if it's your girlfriend yes. Otherwise, no... you'll end up horizontal.

If you don't like your girlfriend, leave, take a break. then startup new. don't jump one to another.

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1 Person

Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
It was my mother.
She hit me when I told her I didn't want to see her ever again.
lightbulb27

1 y
go talk it out if you can, maybe do it in a neutral place and try to get to the real issues. You aren't her therapist and at this point, you both need help to put the pieces back together. but your situation is unlike anything I've ever dealt with. you really need someone in your "corner" to help. I hope you know a loving god! if not, find one.

Answer 7

Jean-Marie_Céline

It was my mother.
She hit me when I told her I didn't want to see her ever again.

Answer 8

lightbulb27

go talk it out if you can, maybe do it in a neutral place and try to get to the real issues. You aren't her therapist and at this point, you both need help to put the pieces back together. but your situation is unlike anything I've ever dealt with. you really need someone in your "corner" to help. I hope you know a loving god! if not, find one.

Answer 9

Desconhecida | 1.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

Going to her place is making your murder way easier for her...

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6 People

Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
That's what I fear
Desconhecida

1 y
You did it anyway didn't ya? LOL

Answer 10

Jean-Marie_Céline

That's what I fear

Answer 11

Desconhecida

You did it anyway didn't ya? LOL

Answer 12

Angelina25 | 672 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

What? No!!! How is this even a question?

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6 People

Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
It's what's happening here
Angelina25

1 y
Well, whatever is happening there, don't go!

Answer 13

Jean-Marie_Céline

It's what's happening here

Answer 14

Angelina25

Well, whatever is happening there, don't go!

Answer 15

OlderAndWiser | 6.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Influencer

You could offer to meet her in public.

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Answer 16

MeghanL

Xper 7

Assuming I was willing to listen & talk things out at all I would insist on meeting in a well-lit public place with people around. A mall food court comes to mind. I would also tell others where I'm going & when I expect to return.

I would be very leery of going to the person's home, & under no circumstances would I want the person coming to mine.

Whatever you decide be careful!

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3 People

Answer 17

bobalife | 176 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Explorer

That’s a red alert to run and distance yourself... don’t be alone with someone who has the potential to hurt you physically... please be safe if you decide to go and protect yourself.

If it was me, I’d say bye in my Casper way. It’s a deal breaker and scary.

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Answer 18

ZackBan | 371 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

How big is this "she" exactly? How does she even manage to overpower you?

Just go and if she even lifts her hand up you burry your fist in her jaw and give her a hands on lesson on "equal rights equal fights"

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1 Person

Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
She's a little taller than me, I'm 162 and she's around 166.
I have a debilitating condition so I don't have much strenght.
ZackBan

1 y
Hmmm in that case you need to be more careful.

If she's not worth it don't even go.

If you wanna work it out maybe start with a videocall.

And as a crazy idea just get yourself a taser. If she gets violent you just quickly press it on her and press the button she'll be completely pacified.
Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
It's my mother.
She's never been violent with me but yesterday she got ballistic during a discussion.
I told her I didn't want to see her ever again so I guess it's my fault.
Show All Show Less
ZackBan

1 y
Oh that changes things a bit.

My advice is best suited for an abusive girlfriend. Your mom is something else.

Not saying she has the right to hit you but you should try working it out with her, especially since she doesn't have a history with violence that should warrant a grown up conversation.

Answer 19

Jean-Marie_Céline

She's a little taller than me, I'm 162 and she's around 166.
I have a debilitating condition so I don't have much strenght.

Answer 20

ZackBan

Hmmm in that case you need to be more careful.

If she's not worth it don't even go.

If you wanna work it out maybe start with a videocall.

And as a crazy idea just get yourself a taser. If she gets violent you just quickly press it on her and press the button she'll be completely pacified.

Answer 21

Jean-Marie_Céline

It's my mother.
She's never been violent with me but yesterday she got ballistic during a discussion.
I told her I didn't want to see her ever again so I guess it's my fault.

Answer 22

ZackBan

Oh that changes things a bit.

My advice is best suited for an abusive girlfriend. Your mom is something else.

Not saying she has the right to hit you but you should try working it out with her, especially since she doesn't have a history with violence that should warrant a grown up conversation.

Answer 23

Dazed0N0Confused | 291 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Tell her you don't trust her with your wellbeing & that you would prefer to keep conversations over the phone or on facetime... Or in a public setting like a restaurant with witnesses. She lost your trust & now she has to work to get it back.

That's what I would do if I were you

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1 Person

Answer 24

Account | 1.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

That woman is insane and ill-intentioned.
I would suggest against it.

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2 People

Jean-Marie_Céline

1 y
I know she has mental issues and other problems, but I'm trying to keep up our relationship because all the others abandoned her. In so far she seemed to be really sorry and we managed to talk. We'll see if the behavior keeps up.
Screenwriter

1 y
Again, Jean-Marie, the others have abandoned her. Children are loath to abandon a parent unless the parent has hurt them too many times. IT doesn't matter that she's "really sorry." Really sorry never changes behaviors.
Unless your mother is going to mental health counseling and taking medication for her issues, and I mean, she's doing this regularly for the rest of her life, she will keep doing what's given her the results she wants: She wants you to feel sorry for her as you're the only child who still talks to her. She wants you to give her money.
She's not a real parent. She's a bad penny. Listen to what others say. Do not meet her in any place but in public. Let her PAY for dinner. Don't hang around with her for forever. That's another thing she's doing. Because you're at her house or yours, she has unlimited time to schmooze you.
At a restaurant, you have 2 hours or so and it's OVER. You can say your fiance is waiting for you, or you have to do something. You can LEAVE EASILY.
Don't get trapped by her manipulations. That's what she's up to. I don't buy a bit of it. She's a snake.
It's sad she's also your mother. DISTANCE YOURSELF and BE CAREFUL.
Have dinner with her once a month, maybe. Don't make it regular. You don't need to be close to someone who's physically assaulted you and THAT IS WHAT IT WAS ASSAULT.
You should've pressed charges.
Screenwriter

1 y
If it ever happens again, call the police and PRESS CHARGES. TELL HER THAT!
"Mom, I'm glad we've talked and resolved some of this. I accept your apology. But IF THIS EVER HAPPENS AGAIN, I'm calling the police and pressing charges and we will not be on speaking terms ever again."
Make it plain and straightforward. Don't listen to her exhortations that it won't ever or how could it or how could you even SAY you'd press charges against your mother... etc.
Respond with, if my MOTHER ASSAULTS ME, SHE IS A C RIMINAL AND I WILL PRESS CHARGES>
You have a good night. I'm leaving.
And end it with that. I hope her mouth is hanging open and there's a look of surprize on her face.
Be a man, not her little boy. She's using you because you want her love. She doesn't have any for you. You're a bank account. Get that in your head.
I wish you peace despite all this chaos.
Show All Show Less
Itsroxxie

1 y
@Screenwriter exactly this sounds like the cycle of abuse...
this is step 3, the abuser apologizes and convinces the victim he/she won't abuse again... step 4 is some calm and honeymoon phase but then things will go back to abuse as soon as she's denied what she wants...
Screenwriter

1 y
@Itsroxxie Sad to say how correct you are. Very sad.

Answer 25

Jean-Marie_Céline

I know she has mental issues and other problems, but I'm trying to keep up our relationship because all the others abandoned her. In so far she seemed to be really sorry and we managed to talk. We'll see if the behavior keeps up.

Answer 26

Screenwriter

Again, Jean-Marie, the others have abandoned her. Children are loath to abandon a parent unless the parent has hurt them too many times. IT doesn't matter that she's "really sorry." Really sorry never changes behaviors.
Unless your mother is going to mental health counseling and taking medication for her issues, and I mean, she's doing this regularly for the rest of her life, she will keep doing what's given her the results she wants: She wants you to feel sorry for her as you're the only child who still talks to her. She wants you to give her money.
She's not a real parent. She's a bad penny. Listen to what others say. Do not meet her in any place but in public. Let her PAY for dinner. Don't hang around with her for forever. That's another thing she's doing. Because you're at her house or yours, she has unlimited time to schmooze you.
At a restaurant, you have 2 hours or so and it's OVER. You can say your fiance is waiting for you, or you have to do something. You can LEAVE EASILY.
Don't get trapped by her manipulations. That's what she's up to. I don't buy a bit of it. She's a snake.
It's sad she's also your mother. DISTANCE YOURSELF and BE CAREFUL.
Have dinner with her once a month, maybe. Don't make it regular. You don't need to be close to someone who's physically assaulted you and THAT IS WHAT IT WAS ASSAULT.
You should've pressed charges.

Answer 27

Screenwriter

If it ever happens again, call the police and PRESS CHARGES. TELL HER THAT!
"Mom, I'm glad we've talked and resolved some of this. I accept your apology. But IF THIS EVER HAPPENS AGAIN, I'm calling the police and pressing charges and we will not be on speaking terms ever again."
Make it plain and straightforward. Don't listen to her exhortations that it won't ever or how could it or how could you even SAY you'd press charges against your mother... etc.
Respond with, if my MOTHER ASSAULTS ME, SHE IS A C RIMINAL AND I WILL PRESS CHARGES>
You have a good night. I'm leaving.
And end it with that. I hope her mouth is hanging open and there's a look of surprize on her face.
Be a man, not her little boy. She's using you because you want her love. She doesn't have any for you. You're a bank account. Get that in your head.
I wish you peace despite all this chaos.

Answer 28

Itsroxxie

@Screenwriter exactly this sounds like the cycle of abuse...
this is step 3, the abuser apologizes and convinces the victim he/she won't abuse again... step 4 is some calm and honeymoon phase but then things will go back to abuse as soon as she's denied what she wants...

Answer 29

Screenwriter

@Itsroxxie Sad to say how correct you are. Very sad.

Answer 30

HeyMikeyLikesIt

Xper 5

what would you say to a girl in the same situation? Women can be fucking crazy and just as shitty as men, you should know that you deserve better man, I’m guessing she’s fun in the bedroom if your willing to risk murder lol

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Answer 31

DJB72 | 272 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

It depends who the person is.

That being said, nobody in 25 years has actually even tried to hit me so I'm basing my answer on past history. Long past.

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1 Person

Answer 32

yucychan | 460 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

There's nothing to talk about after a person hits me.
Not sure what you are expecting by talking that person. Is it your mum?

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Answer 33

sheikalana | 859 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Absolutely freaking not. That person would be immediately blocked they wouldn't even have the chance to get in touch with me anymore.

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1 Person

Answer 34

Anonymous

Yeah sure I would I bring something with me to it won't my ass under her house that's for sure to try anything stupid with me she do get fucked up If someone asks you to come over after they hit you, do you do it?

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1 Person

Answer 35

FunTastyLady

Xper 6

No, why would you? Or if you had to - would definitely bring back up with me.

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Answer 36

DizzyDesii | 2.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

I would talk by cam or honestly not at all. You hit me, i never wana see you again

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1 Person

Answer 37

Poppykate | 2.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Meet somewhere mutual... if COVID-19 will allow it.

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1 Person

Answer 38

Kieronm

Xper 2

Give us her address if you don't post in a while we've got your back.

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Answer 39

douride2 | 1.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

If he hit me there is no way I would go over to his place alone. I doubt if I would even go with other people there with me.

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1 Person

Answer 40

pleasestopthis | 1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Of course not, I tell them to go to hell.
I'm kind of harsh when I get angry so I'd probably cut them off for a while until my anger cools down

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1 Person

Answer 41

msc545 | 2.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

No, and in fact, I would consider never speaking to or seeing that person again. Going to their house is setting yourself up for a false assault charge or worse.

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Answer 42

Rangers | 975 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

I'd tell them to meet me somewhere public, take your gun with you

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If someone asks you to come over after they hit you, do you do it?

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