"Other times we see the potential of a relationship...""A relationship may look beneficial to my life...""it’s usually because the guy has something that she wants."From your treatise, it sounds like a woman's desire for a relationship is basically rooted in selfishness, what she can get from a guy, or what will only appeal to her. Women like these are also highly likely to be ghosters because as you said "sometimes we meet people and don’t see it going anywhere so we just let it fall apart."This whole thing says to me that such a woman is only interested in what will satisfy or appeal to her in a relationship. But does she have anything to offer a guy? Does she wonder what he might be interested in or if she's appealing to him in any particular way? Is she concerned about what potential he may see or want in the relationship? Or is it simply just all about how long she can be interested or kept comfortable before she gets bored and doesn't see it going anywhere anymore with no interest in trying to make the relationship really work? You are basically saying that for such a woman, when the thrill is gone, it's gone, and she has no care for how that will even make the guy feel."would it only bother you if this random woman who you developed an interest in chose not to date you (also a random man) because of the pain she is still coping with from her failed relationship that you have no prior knowledge of and which has nothing to do with you? Like what exactly is it that bothers you about the idea of a woman having unresolved feelings about somebody you don’t know?"If I'm not dating her already, if I'm not in a serious relationship with her already, I probably wouldn't care about her past or her cheating ex because I wouldn't be interested in trying to court a woman who still has any of that emotional baggage that she hasn't sorted out yet, which again, will just cause her to be a ghoster in the end anyway.
@ManOnFire you wouldn’t know anything about her unless you approached her. She could make one of two devious. The first would be to realize she is still dealing with emotional baggage and reject you. The second would be to date you and you decide for yourself whether you want to date someone like her. At that point why do men choose to date women with emotional baggage? Probably because you don’t know until she showed signs of having the emotional baggage. Just like how women don’t have some magical ability to just know when a guy isn’t good for her until he shows signs of being a jackass by lying, cheating, etc. And at that point, despite choosing to date him it’s no lie that HIS behavior is the problem. So women being upset that their partners are bad choices are just as valid as guys being upset at getting to know a girl and then finding out she has any problem that might be a deal breaker to which he might consider HIMSELF a victim because why is she dating if she can’t be a good partner. And by that same token, why do men date women they don’t have any intention of properly caring for by doing the very things that make these women feel victimized in the first place like lying or cheating? So, my point as hat you don’t know until you know. Also, the whole “likelihood to ghost” argument is just an insecurity of yours. You don’t have any scientific proof to back that argument up it’s just a fear of yours which is based on your opinion and experiences. Just like women who carry emotional baggage.
Decisions not devious*
And the obvious solution is to take your time to get to know the person before you get serious. But men take women seriously based off of looks more often than personality, or based off of her meeting criteria for the things he like in a woman such as her being a great cook, a good listener, having a “low body count”, having an awesome personality or a list of other things that he want in a woman to have HIS needs met. If she doesn’t have these qualities he may assume that it’s not going to work out and let the relationship fall apart l. Or he may choose to nurture the relationship with the woman based on her meeting his needs in a woman and also because she has more of the good qualities than other competitors in the dating market. But STILL, if he chooses to date her and makes the choice to take her seriously too soon without getting to know her better and for a longer time he may very well end up in the above mentioned position- feeling like a victim to the fact that he chose a woman who did not meet his expectations over a bunch of lesser attractive women who can’t cook, can’t listen, have higher body counts or lower personalities but who did not have, at he very least, any emotional baggage that would hinder the relationship. See where I’m getting at?
One more thing that I want to add. There are occasions in which a person is aware the reputation, behavioral habits, and flaws in another person and despite having the red flag ahead of time they date them anyway. But that’s just one in a million ways that a relationship can start. In a world where dating apps is a thing, speed dating is a thing, common fantasy of bumping into “the one” on a random day is a thing, and basically meeting people for the first one with no prior knowledge of/access of their reputation and judging them as good “boyfriend/girlfriend” material based on how they are currently presenting themself/ the impression they give off in THAT particular moment is definitely a thing.
"At that point why do men choose to date women with emotional baggage?"I don't think men choose that very often, and the men who do are usually the types who think they can be a savior for women like this."Just like how women don’t have some magical ability to just know when a guy isn’t good for her until he shows signs of being a jackass by lying, cheating, etc."And here is the difference. A LOT of women, especially young ones, do know a guy is an asshole and still want him. It is far more common for women to pursue men who they know aren't good for them, than it is for men to pursue women of the same cloth. As we also see the ever present problem of women continually latching on to men like that even though the one before was no good either, and they are also far more likely to keep running BACK to a man who has no respect or regard for her whatsoever, and who she KNOWS cheated on her, but these women will keep running back to them anyway."Also, the whole “likelihood to ghost” argument is just an insecurity of yours."Not really. While I've talked about my ghosting experiences here and how they were painful, others have much worse experiences than mine. Bottomline? My statement about women ghosting is still a fact without me, even if I never have been ghosted before. Some "statistics" claim that men ghost more than women, but if you haven't noticed, the vast majority of people who try to justify their reasons for ghosting someone, explaining why it was necessary to selfishly preserve themselves and their own feelings, and not giving a single damn about how it hurt the other person are women.
"There are occasions in which a person is aware the reputation, behavioral habits, and flaws in another person and despite having the red flag ahead of time they date them anyway."Which goes back to my point of how a lot of women are doing this with men they know are no good for them.If you really think about the question this person posted, you might really get it. Anyone out there could try asking the same question in reverse, why men victimize their relationship history, and I'm sure you'd get a lot of people saying it's true simply because the question is snubbing men, and it doesn't matter why. But there honestly is a difference: who do you hear more often speak about their past relationships in a negative way, men or women? Why do women feel that they must vilify past relationships? And if they've been in numerous bad relationships to complain about, is it more of a reflection on them or the men they dated? If women are taking their time and really getting to know someone, why are they repeatedly ending up in relationships that they are villifying?
@ManOnFire but you just said a bunch of personal opinions. You don’t have any evidence on anything you just said. How can you prove that women complain about exes more than men? There are men who have multiple exes and women who have one or none like myself and and so the “likelihood” of my ex complaining about women is higher due to him having more experience and more women to complain about due to more experience and more people who might have hurt him. But can I prove that he complains about any of his exes? No. Who cares?
Also my ex cheated on me. But if it were reversed that I had bee the one who cheated on him and then he went to his next girlfriend and told her “my ex cheated on me” that’s not complaining or defecting. That’s just him explaining to somewhat what happened to him. It’s not playing a victim bc it honestly why choose to cheat? Why choose to lie? Why choose to do anything?
Those are not opinions. Those are facts. Especially women who pursue jackasses or run back to them. And we know that women complain more about exes because we never have a deficit in hearing about it. You tell ME: how many men do you hear complaining about their exes? And how often?More men tend to remember a good past relationship than a woman does, and he can recount it to you. How often do you hear a woman recount a good relationship that just didn't really work out but she doesn’t see herself as the victim in it?It's unfortunate you've been cheated on. I've had very had similar experiences too. And so have others. It's terrible.
Woo hoo. Welcome to gag, girl.Nice to see some depth and self-awareness and honesty here.
Why thank you 😊 it's been a long time coming. Feels freeing lol.
To be honest I avoid guys who have a track record of saying their exes are the problem. To me that shows a lack of basic insight and self awareness - definitely not characteristics conducive to a good relationship.
That's good advice and I agree, it's never just one person's fault when a relationship fails. No one is perfect.
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Agreed. Half the "questions" on this app aren't, and seem to be thinly veiled rants instead.
@NitroExpress i think its healthy to rant. i appreciate that people are trying to have an informed attitude about the things that bother them.
@YGMM654 Not all rants are created equal, please tell me what exactly is healthy and informed about the asker's attitude.Because the way he chose to phrase his "question" is incredibly leading and intellectually dishonest, which isn't exactly conducive to any kind of informed debate.
@MzAsh With this instance I do think it is kind of gender specific, yeah. More men tend to remember a good past relationship than women do, and he can recount it to you. How often do you hear a woman recount a good relationship that just didn't really work out or maybe it just wasn't the right time for her but she doesn’t see herself as the victim in it?
Upon doing a little digging to find whether there’s anything measurable research on this subject, I found this which is very interesting. journals.sagepub.com/.../1948550619876633It appears that there is validity in what you and the original poster are saying.
@MzAsh I think they're right. "with regard to the need for emotional support, men may be less willing than women to break all ties with their former partners" and this is because when men really, really like a woman and feel a connection, it feels like you've found something like no other on earth, like a treasure extremely difficult and hidden to find. Women on the other hand tend to see men like they see everyone else: social enjoyment. And when they tire of it or get bored with it, they would just rather cut it off.So because of this, their attitude of looking back negatively on a past relationship is due a lot to how they FELT when they wanted it to be over, versus how it actually was. No doubt that there are plenty of men who haven't been great to a woman and she has the right to see him and their relationship as negative, but women will look at the same way even if the relationship was not a bad one. She still feels that there was something she didn't get out of it or that there was something that became unattractive about the guy even if it wasn't enough to really end the relationship.
Yeah somethings conveniently happen not to be gender specific..
EXACTLY. Men rarely make statements like, "where are all the good women?" We don't aim our failed dating history at women on the whole.
you would get laid a lot more if you didn't hate it so much.
@YGMM654 do you think girls respect guys who let them cry on their shoulders crying about some other asshole? No they don’t respect guys who do that. They friendzone them.
@YGMM654 Shut it up b1tch
@R4zor thanks man. Truth is I have gotten lots over the years. My number is between 40 to 50. But I’m at the age I really don’t want that anymore. In fact I feel dirty/ashamed at times about that. I want something steady and genuine which is hard to come by. I don’t have a problem with women falling for assholes. Their choice to be stupid. I DO have a problem with women looking for “safety nets”. With many of them this doesn’t improve with age unfortunately..
Just make sure you crush them before they leave your ego is important
@R4zor unforturnately that’s true.
@R4zor i guess you're not getting laid either. if you calm down and listen I will explain that there are lots of chicks out there who are looking for SEX. When a chick is looking for sex, its because she is sick of her boyfriend and her irritation with him is all she can think about. i get that you don't want to listen to chicks bitch about their dudes. but if she's talking shit about him to you, she needs to get laid. be quiet, listen, pay attention to her body language, and just hang out for a bit. give her a place to escape and vent. its called "mental masturbation" for a reason. if you can give her that for just a little bit... shell give you what you want. ask an older guy if you don't believe me.
@R4zor are you like 13 years old or something. all you got is "Shut up b1tch?"
@YGMM654 Shut up sl^t :D
@YGMM654 I didn't even read your wall of text no lifer
This is so dumb
@paradiseonearth93 yeah of course it is. It's always something when a man talks about female nature. Cry a river you dumb bitch.
not everyone has irrational expectations. just like a woman could expect gifts, financial support, head... guys do that too. relationships should be give and take, if a woman feels like she is getting a shitty deal, she may feel like she has to nag to get what she needs. if a guy beats her to it and looks good, takes care of himself and his business and has enough energy and resources left over to share with her she will be much more content. just like men want sexual favors, quality time, thoughtful gestures so do women. i understand there is the occasional narcissist that wants more than their share, but if you keep ending up with the same kind of girl over and over, you need to look inward.
@theflak38 hoez mad ignore her
Haha yep “grow the fuck up” also my thoughts exactly.
@NorthShoreCalling Ok boomer
@R4zor Is this a joke or do you genuinely not know what a boomer is? Boomer are born between 1946 and 1965. After that comes Gen-X and after that come Millenials. I'm a Millenial, so is she. You're two generations off, you moron.But hey, thanks for letting us know that you're one of the immature idiots who hates girls like an edgy 12 year old. Grow the fuck up, you douchebag.
I feel sorry for you.
@YGMM654 Why? What I said is completely true. It is how girls are built and operate. I assume that it is just in their DNA but maybe their mother teaches them to be like that. I don't really know
@YGMM654 I feel sorry for your dad
women are not low quality humans. why are you so angry? You just don't understand us. Its difficult because we seem crazy (I understand that too, we think in a crazy, all encompassing, rambling, exploratory, emotional rollercoaster that manifests as verbal diarrhea to anyone we don't know well) to you guys and until you learn to stop and really get to know and understand how a woman's mind works you will not get to experience the wonderful body, mind and soul of a woman that LOVES you. A soft, curvy, thoughtful, delicate, female that wants to FEED and FUCK you all the time. but you're complaining because they have some temporary emotional baggage? watch some youtube on picking up chicks and how to read body language, try it out and get back to me.
@YGMM654 I don't hate women and I think that I understand them. I am married with two daughters. I have a mother, sisters, aunts and friends. I observe women and how they behave and how they manipulate. That is not all that they are. That is not their totality. but it is some of who they are and when it comes to victimizing their relationship history it is a lot of who they are. I also know that every woman doesn't act the same way, obviously
Yeah I agree with this too.
Why do you feel you can't trust yourself anymore?
@Twenty2 I just don't think I am mental capable of making the right decisions, I feel putting up a wall to keep the pain out, is the only way I can protect myself from more pain.
@Twenty2 It's okay, I like to keep to my problems to myself.
Don't be like that! I wanna talk with you.
@Twenty2 Thank you, but really you can't help me, so I don't really feel like hurt you and myself.
You won't hurt me and maybe I'll not be able to help you but still, that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk
@Twenty2 I will message you.
Follow me right now
We always believe in their potential
Which onlyillustrates his point. Because YOU women chose that particular guy. But rather than say tou just chose poorly you paint all guys as the problem.
@ChiTown33 maybe sometimes, it is not always the case. Talking in black and white with these things doesn’t make sense. Some guys really put on a good act the first few months and then they start acting like monsters.
I’ve had both scenarios where I knew from the start and another where I truthfully thought he would be my husband because everything was so perfect. And then slowly things started to happen, which only made me doubt myself, until larger things happened and I had to end it
Like going from making lists about me, saying he’d do anything for me, talking about our future and everything we’d do, being dependable and understanding and complimentary and caring, to going over to his house one night and getting a broken nose because I was a little more quiet than normal
@paradiseonearth93 yeah this is going to make you made... but oh well. This is not the first time i've heard this story. And i've heard it from who i was thete when thwy met the guy. I knew he was lying and trash from the getgo. Women catch feelings for a guy and their brains stop working. If this guy did this it's because he knows all he has to do is earn her trust then he can pretty much do what he likes. And i should feel bad for a woman that can't see this?
@ChiTown33 you don’t have to feel anything. I’m not asking you to. I could not care less what you feel about it. All that matters is that those who have been in this position have each other’s backs because it’s a scary place to be in especially when others like yourself blame the the women or person going through it.
@paradiseonearth93 that's a load off my mind. I wasn't going to sleep well tonight. Of course tou can't blame her. Blame the fork who made someone fat. Blame the firework it blew the kids fingers off. Nobody is responsible for their actions anymore. Lol
@ChiTown33 the lesson learn to the women dont put up with people who dont know how to act because you are going to marry them. There is a bunch of players out here that is the man's choice thay he doesn't want to get married not the woman's. Nobody can change a player unless he is ready to settle down.
Exactly. And you can't blame all men for the women's lack of ability to tell the difference between the two.
@ChiTown33 well everyone has to learn it just means not to keep on making the same thing over and over again. Then it is on them but if it only happen one time than it isn't their fault.
it does not get you money.
@YGMM654 Sure it does - you just are not doing it right.
Nah sometimes it seems like a beautiful corvette at first and then suddenly wham you have your nose broken because you were a little more quiet than normal
@YuhBoi69 ohhh you really got me
Like mine broke my nose and granted I did stay longer than I should have but some men are truly trash
I agree. They can be
Nah, too small.
Sounds like a typical young persons blind spot.
I meant for both genders 😉
@NorthShoreCalling oh well I'm replying to opinion owner
Very true. Fair point.