How to tell my strict Asian parents I'm dating/living with a white guy when I've lied to them and told them he's Asian?

Question

My parents are Asian and have always very much wanted me to date Asian guys. It's a pretty big deal to them that my future husband is able to continue Asian culture in our household and help make fully Asian kids. This has influenced me to pretty much just date Asian guys. Both my boyfriends in high school were Asian and my past boyfriend in college was Asian as well. However, about 9 months ago I started dating a white guy (and to be honest I'm not sure if I would have done so if my parents lived in the same state as the university I go to). He is an amazing boyfriend and we genuinely do love each other (and have both said that to each other). I've told my parents about him and they very much approve of him (He is almost done with a masters degree in computer engineering and he does have some great job prospects). However, pretty early on I lied to my parents and told them he's Asian/sent them a fake Asian picture of him. I know I shouldn't have done it, but at the time I wasn't sure how long the relationship would go and I was very afraid of their judgement. Ever since then I came up with a lot of fake excuses (both to him and them) as to why they couldn't meet (he doesn't know about this either). Now my parents are flying over to where I'm going to school and are pretty much insisting that they meet him. I'm really nervous about this, and not just because he's white. He and I are both living together and I don't think I'll be able to hide that from them. When they find out it won't be hard for them to figure out we're sexually active together and they'll very much disapprove of that as well. I know I need to tell both them and my boyfriend about the truth of the situation, but I've really dug myself into a hole. What's the best way I can handle the given situation/best tell my parents and my boyfriend the truth about everything?

Answer 1

clalinesuu

Xper 4

Show them that you are responsible and that he is responsible as well. Tell them that you could blend into his culture and he could also blend into your culture. Tell them your love story and how much you him. Apologize for lying at first place. Be honest from now on😊

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1 Person

Asker

1 y
How do you think I should go about telling them he could blend into our culture? How do you think I should go about telling them our love story in a way that'll soften them up?
clalinesuu

1 y
You could filter up some infos that you thought could soften them up. About the culture blending, its best you both tell them.

Answer 2

Asker

How do you think I should go about telling them he could blend into our culture? How do you think I should go about telling them our love story in a way that'll soften them up?

Answer 3

clalinesuu

You could filter up some infos that you thought could soften them up. About the culture blending, its best you both tell them.

Answer 4

MoreWhineMoreWhine

Xper 5

“I sent them a fake picture of him...”

Well, it’s too late to tell them in a way you should have told them. Now you gotta confess that you lied to them. So that’s what I would do if I were you. Just be honest and tell them you lied and explain how you were afraid to tell them he wasn’t Asian because you were afraid they would reject him.

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Asker

1 y
I get that I should have told the truth in the first place and it was a big mistake that I didn't. I get that I need to tell the truth now (I'm kind of backed in a corner). What I need to figure out is the best way of going about telling the truth both to my parents and my boyfriend.
MoreWhineMoreWhine

1 y
That’s the best way. You gotta confess about the lie and then tell them he is a white guy. I thought Asian parents were cool with White guys though? In Hispanic culture, like our families see it as an upgrade over a Hispanic guy.

Answer 5

Asker

I get that I should have told the truth in the first place and it was a big mistake that I didn't. I get that I need to tell the truth now (I'm kind of backed in a corner). What I need to figure out is the best way of going about telling the truth both to my parents and my boyfriend.

Answer 6

MoreWhineMoreWhine

That’s the best way. You gotta confess about the lie and then tell them he is a white guy. I thought Asian parents were cool with White guys though? In Hispanic culture, like our families see it as an upgrade over a Hispanic guy.

Answer 7

GoodGuyBreakingBad | 4.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Sometimes it's best to tell them the truth but the old saying the truth always hurts it will take them some time to heal, now I have no problem dating Asian females and my family is open to dating outside of my race/ culture, etc

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Asker

1 y
I get that I should have told the truth in the first place and it was a big mistake that I didn't. I get that I need to tell the truth now (I'm kind of backed in a corner). What I need to figure out is the best way of going about telling the truth both to my parents and my boyfriend.
GoodGuyBreakingBad

1 y
Thanks For Most Helpful Guy :)

Answer 8

Asker

I get that I should have told the truth in the first place and it was a big mistake that I didn't. I get that I need to tell the truth now (I'm kind of backed in a corner). What I need to figure out is the best way of going about telling the truth both to my parents and my boyfriend.

Answer 9

GoodGuyBreakingBad

Thanks For Most Helpful Guy :)

Answer 10

Avicenna | 5.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Rip off the Band Aid- tell him first and apologize. He probably won’t break up with you over it. If he goes, you don’t have to tell your parents.
if he doesn’t break up with you, you have to tell them before they arrive, as difficult as it might be.

Your parents might have eventually accepted him if you were honest since he has good job prospects and is getting a good education.

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2 People

Avicenna

1 y
by the way, I’ve been the secret boyfriend myself before. It’s always bad to be less than honest about such things.

Answer 11

Avicenna

by the way, I’ve been the secret boyfriend myself before. It’s always bad to be less than honest about such things.

Answer 12

Unit1 | 5.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Master

Won't read that wall of text.

You don't. That's all there's to it. Keep your business to yourself.

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1 Person

Answer 13

anylolone | 542 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

Keep lying, it's working for talcum X.

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How to tell my strict Asian parents I'm dating/living with a white guy when I've lied to them and told them he's Asian?

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