What makes healthy communication in a relationship?

[Paolaa988]

When people say communication is the key for a good, healthy relationship, how exactly do they get there? What strategies or techniques do they use?

Updates:

[caring__1]

You'll probably get more out of learning effective communication skills from a professional rather than look for quick fixes from the general public. I'll give you some basics, but without a clear understanding of what works or not and the reason it works or not, you'll continue to stumble through life like most people... or expect others to fix the issues you'll continue to find yourself in.

The quickest way to shut down communication is to start by expressing your perspective. That's our way of telling the other person, "there is only one right way, and it is mine, so don't even consider anything else." Start by reaching out to understand the other person's perspective.

Be clear, open and honest, but take the feelings of the other into consideration. How we share is more important than what we share.

Don't be vague and general out of laziness or not wanting to be held accountable for anything. Expecting others to make assumptions will always lead to problems. No one can read your mind.

Focus on what is behind a statement rather than make it a win-lose situation by arguing about the words that were used.

Learn about arguments, so you don't take statements you hear in arguments personally. They are all about defending oneself, not communicating. You can't argue and communicate at the same time.

Entice rather than demand or control. If you want a person to allow vulnerability, prioritize making sure that person always feels safe. In other words, never assume, accuse, blame, criticize, demand or tell people what they should or shouldn't do.

There is no way I can cover effective communication skills in a short post, but this can help you know some questions to ask when you do learn these skills.

[Still-alive]

some good tips i found through a google search

When you talk to your partner, try to:

set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television

think about what you want to say

be clear about what you want to communicate

make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean

talk about what is happening and how it affects you

talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’

accept responsibility for your own feelings

listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants (this is called empathy)

share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you

be aware of your tone of voice

negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue you are having is not that important, try to let the issue go, or agree to disagree.

[AmandaYVR]

I have a sort of outlier opinion here to the almost cliche phrase 'communication issues are what makes or breaks many relationships.' I think that's just a broad brush stroke which is too vague to be of any real use. Why isn't all communication productive and positive? Because of all sorts of underlying issues, personality traits, quirks, inadequacies, biases, etc etc that people have, that take precedent over their desire to simply communicate. For instance, stubbornness; preferring to talk rather than listen; fear of being honest, thinking they'll be left if they speak their mind; insecurity leading to passivity; not actually appreciating the relationship but biding time waiting for someone else better to come along. I could go on and on with a list here. There are just too many things that get lumped under the one umbrella.

[loves2learn]

It’s important to always have empathy for the other person and to own your piece of every miscommunication/argument. It’s rarely all one person or another.
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I like to give my husband the benefit of the doubt. And I do this with all my relationships. I put myself in their shoes and ask “why would a reasonable, rational person behave like this/say this?”
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I also try to stay calm and if it starts to get too heated, me or him, I pause the conversation and say we need to talk about it when we can talk calmly to each other.

[EaterPeter]

Treat your partner as a friend. I have heard it a lot and seen it in a movie. I did not believed it for long enough and always thought that is boat load of bull. Recently I have read it from much reliable source and it all makes sense now. So what makes healthy communication. Listen, show understanding, validate, empathize, ask open ended questions, know their values, dreams, triggers. Help them fulfill their dreams by. Listening, understanding, not making fun. That's one way you can be there for them. Pitch in money if possible. Be happy for them. And be there physically means live that dream with them.

[ohshee]

When you're in a relationship said you were happy together you'll find no need to things to talk about technique No strategies because that's fake. So just be you and communicate it's that easy talk about anything everything whatever comes up for whatever you're going to be doing whatever you'd like to do do you have to be you and has to be real

[LiamSawyer]

Open conversations about how they actually feel, what they really enjoy and want to experience. It has to be real nothing fake, even if it's something difficult to achieve, but at the same time be realistic. Sexually, communication can only enhance each other's experience in pleasuring each other.

[weysally]

by being natural, don't try to impress, just be yourself, conversation will either flow or fade, at least you will know that your not wasting your time
there is too much falsehood in todays sociality

[Synikal]

Not trying to pretend your SO is a mind-reader. Speak your problems. Be vocal on something that will himper your mood or relationship. No need to speak on every little thing. Just never leave the other hanging pretty much and how you both want to proceed from there

[Interstate]

Always be honest and tell them how you feel. When you hold back, it limits what the relationship can handle and in more cases than any, things deteriorate.

[SamA_nold]

Listening. People tend to forget that communication isn't just about talking, it's about actually hearing what the other person has to say and considering their viewpoint.

[bowenw]

If you're not sure what the other person is thinking, ask. Listen to what they say and respect their views. Also , tell your partner how you feel about things in a respectable fashion.

[Andres77]

It first starts with a mutual desire to want to share and also having a mutual respect and trust.
The degree that one communicates will always be based on the levels of these three, and if they are the same for both people.

[Alyssa11]

You listen to each other, you’re straightforward with each other, and you don’t disrespect each other (ie no shouting). You tell them anything you don’t keep it inside of you.

[Adam1978]

You start there, ie you don't play games to get them in the first place.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

What works for my wife and I is that she is brutally honest and I am an oversharer. We don't really have anything to hide so it makes it easier to talk through decisions together without having some sort of agenda.

[COMMODOREII]

Just talking and taking time to understand each other.

[msc545]

Talking in person face to face. No texting or phone.

[Coulis]

Empathy, tact, timing and honesty.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Telling the truth is always a good start.

[jahaims]

Don't beat around the bush

[Bklynbadboy12]

Being open and honest

[King-of-Evil]

Being honest and understanding