Do you believe people say things they “don’t mean” while upset?

[caring__1]

Arguments and communication can't coexist. You can do one or the other. Arguments are all about protecting oneself from perceived attacks from the other, whereas communication is seeking deeper understanding of the other. To protect ourselves in arguments, we tend to push back, saying or doing whatever is necessary to get the other person to stop trying to hurt us. As long as we feel pressure from the other, we tend to push back. It's common to use information we know the other is sensitive about as ammunition, not because we don't care and want to hurt them, but because we want to do all in our power to get them to stop hurting us. Whatever a person says in an argument, take with a grain of salt, as it's unlikely to be the person's true feelings.

If you want to communicate rather than argue, avoid using the words "you" or "why" when you feel things escalating, as they'll automatically put the other person on the defensive and lead them to attack. Instead, seek a deeper understanding of the other person's perspective. You don't have to agree with them, but they'll tend to deescalate if they feel you care enough to want to hear them and understand them. Respect that their perspective makes just as much sense to that person as your perspective makes to you. It is impossible to make a decision that doesn't make sense according to our perspective. If you feel what the other person is saying makes no sense, seek clarification rather than criticize.

[nolabels]

Yes, it happens.
I'm guilty of doing that.
I've been a recipient.

[Blackcupcake]

I definitely think that they don’t mean it, they just get carried away and talk none sense because they wanna make you angry in that moment too. But usually what happens is that they regret it as soon as their anger goes away and they start to feel guilty instead.

[Ukrainianbuddafly]

No they say exactly what they mean they just regret that they said it

[Anonymous]

I never say anything I don’t mean. I might say something I’ve been holding in for a long time because it’s harsh, but I never just make stuff up to hurt someone

[Dchrls78104]

There is nothing like a moment of anger when it comes to saying things that reveal how you truly think about someone.

[Feelicks]

I think people just give up on tact when you piss them off enough.

[ItsTheNephilim]

It's half true.