Feel victim of abusive relationships, want advice and tips for preventing this from happening?

I've been in maybe 3 abusive relationships (counting my parents). Grew up being exposed to angry outbursts from my dad, threats to hit, kick me out. He randomly told me to become a whore (I don't know why, he is perverted, it was a disgusting comment cos I was a virgin also). He would sometimes look me up in some sexual way, and then I had low self-esteem, hid in baggy clothes. Grew up wishing my breasts wouldn't grow, and so they didn't.

I have had these relationships with men, I think the only ones in which I felt like the person really loved me, was my first real boyfriend. My mom said I shouldn't date until after I finished university. Maybe she is also a bit sick, but anyway I took that as a rule for some reason and never dated in high school.

So my first boyfriend, he did a lot of caring things, he bought me gifts. He told me he loved me. I was 18, he was 16. I didn't feel he was quite mature enough. It didn't go on very long because even though I cared about him I couldn't love him at that stage. Then I had another boyfriend, I had some love for him, he maybe had some non-infectious skin disease, so he wasn't pretty, and wasn't confident, but I wanted to love people for who they are on the inside. but that didn't work either. actually he wasn't very good on the inside because when I left him he used the autosave password from my logins to deface my deviant account with sick comments. So then it gets fuzzy, I didn't really have any serious bfs, occasionally dated, I cared about these people but didn't feel like being with them all the time. Had my first sexual experience with a guy I met when I was 21, he did oral sex on me. He seemed quite caring we really didn't know each other much. I'm not sure how it happened, I just felt safe enough to be there and was sexually curious. But we were actually on some holiday or convention. I didn't know what he thought of me so I never got his contact details. actually after that, I felt a bit distant because I didn't know what was going on. I met some guy at the convention who I kept in touch with by email, I had a crush on him and it turned into a full blown relationship, in a year. with me moving countries.

For maybe a year we were just seeing each other, later we moved in together because he missed me ( I was living in some country close by). Well, after moving into some student apartment, things were pretty bad. I felt really isolated. it was a new country, didn't know the language. and then I was sad about our apartment, I felt overwhelmed. He threatened me with his fist because I had been complaining? Anyway things were not good from there, slept with him in the same bed for 6mo before moving to separate rooms. Moved out a year later. Started to see a new guy who lives nearby, saw him everyday, maybe after one year had probs, angry outrages. now broken up. He hardly ever went out with me anywhere, he would go out with his friends but not me, even though I saw him everyday. I'm scared of most men now
+1 y
sorry this was under relationships but it filed under the wrong place again!
Feel victim of abusive relationships, want advice and tips for preventing this from happening?
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