I am going through a hard time with my boyfriend. I'm with him for almost a year now. We are in a far distance relationship. He works in the next state 3 hours from where we live. So he only comes back once in a month or once in 2 months depending on his tight budget.even when he is back here,he doesn't have much time to spend with me as he needs to spend time with his other friends and family members. recently we had an argument because I was joking around with an online close guy friend. he snooped into my Facebook account and he didn't like the fact that I was joking around with another guy eventhough I never met this guy before. he asked for a breakup then because he didn't want to get hurt again as he has doubts that I might do the same thing again later.at 1st I broke down and started begging him not to leave me like he promised when we were having a good time.i explained to him that I was just messing around and it really didn't mean anything.it was mainly my fault.so after begging for a couple of days and getting ignored and hearing his bad words,i decided to give him some space.after a day,he text me.he said he felt lonely and empty.he also had an accident for not being able to focus on riding his bike.but he was ok.then we started having a little conversation.but of course it didn't last.he stopped texting me again.the next day,i sent him an email bout being sorry and accepting the fact that he wanted a breakup and saying that I totally respect his decision.after a couple of hours,he replied.and we discussed bout why we were fighting and I start to explain.when everything was out he said he would think about it.that night,i tried sweet talk to him and he said he would give it a chance.everything was fine.its been a month since this incident.he is having a low budget now.he needs my help eventhough he said that he is scared that I would ask him for his debts when I got angry.so I said I don't want to help cause he didn't trust me.he said ok.the next morning,he text me that he was going to work but he sounded really upset.because of this I got angry.i don't know what triggered my anger.i started telling everything I felt and not thinking bout how he would feel.i just poured out everything about how I don't like he being unhappy,how I hate being misjudged,about how I wanted him to spend more time with me eventhough he is always tired cause of work.i hurt him alot.worst of all I said that I wanted to go out more to forget my sadness.so we fought.he felt that he couldn't keep me happy and he feels that he doesn't deserve my love.he says he loves me and don't blame me.he says its his fault for getting involved in love.its his fault that he fell in love.i know he has many commitments in life.these tiny fight had pushed his limit and now he is asking for a breakup again.this time its cause he didn't want to think of having these problems anymore as he has many other commitments to achieve.i love him and I know he does too.he wants to leave but I dont.help!
i feel that we are made for each other.but right now,he is just going through too much.every person has it limits of responsibility and his responsibility just exceeded its limit.i want to help him in every way I m capable of.but he refuses it at first.later when things get even worse then he asks for my help.at that moment the feeling of wanting to help has disappear.that`s when everything turns upside down.i wish he is stronger than this.i wish he accepts my human errors and move on
last night he was the one not wanting to talk to me.i barely slept at all.i slept at 6am and now I am up again after 3 hours.i woke up to the sound of his text.i was shocked.he told said "morning I am going to work now."i was so stunned.barely able to open my eyes cause of sleepiness.i thought about this.should I reply or not? he sounded like he want everything back to normal.so I just replied him in short.not hoping or wanting him to know that I'm desperate.i said ride safely.AND he replied ok.
when he reached his work area,probably having breakfast.he text me.he asked me "you start your holidays already?".i replied "not really".i said that cause I was still finishing my assignments.he replied "ok".that was it.i feel bad for not being soft towards him for now.i know he wants that.i hope I make him realize that if he wants to leave he would have to miss all that.and with that he would come back to me and not give up so easily.