He doesn't want commitment?

He says he loves me but doesn't want commitment?

Last December I met a guy at Starbucks and we completely "hit it off." We were totally into each other. We started hanging out about 4-5 times a week and about a month into things we decided we wanted to be in an exclusive relationship. Things kept going really well, he helped me train for a marathon, we ran across the state of Florida together, took trips to the east coast to surf.

About six months into things, he slowly started "backing off." For instance, he started hanging out with his friends more instead of seeming interested in seeing me. We were still hanging out quite often though. I brought up my concern that he was losing interest and he said, "I just don't want to be in a really serious relationship, but I love you."

Here's the scenario: every Friday night he wanted to go out with his guys, and I was always invited, but if I didn't want to go then we would not hang out. It was like "his way or the highway." So anyway, we broke up, but about 3 months after being "friends" we started hooking up again. And now today, one year after meeting him, we still "hang out" like we are dating, but we aren't. I occasionally bring up "if you are really into me, why don't you want to date?" and he still says he loves me but wants to take things slower and doesn't want commitment (he has about 6 single guy friends).

So am I wasting my time? I am happy the way things are now, but every now and then I get frustrated that he's getting exactly what he wants. We both agreed to not see other people, but I still cannot figure out where this is going?! he is a genuine, honest, smart, fun guy... Who I want to believe, but I always hear everyone saying that is he were into me, then I wouldn't have doubts like this. what do I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hiya just happened to come across this and decided to give my opinion on it with a scenario that I have at the moment . You ask the question am I wasting my time . Well I wouldn't say wasting your time because if your enjoying yourself then just go along with it but it seems as tho he's getting his cake and eating it . Honestly if I were you I would let him do all the running and go out there and enjoy yourself . Play him at his own game but you still enjoy your time with him . He's an odd kettle of fish to be honest if he doesn't want to be in a relationship but yet he doesn't want you or him to see other people . That's men for ya !

    Anyhow I'm actually nearly tearing my hair out with a guy that I know/love . Basically I have known him for 6years . He first started chasing me when I was going out with my ex boyfriend and didn't give up until I went out with him . To cut a long story short we would always kiss each other when we were out but nothing more would happen . That lasted a year and then we just decided to leave things but still remained friends and there has always been a crazy chemistry between us . In the last 6 months we have become real close as in being friends and he would tell me things that he doesn't tell anyone . Then last weekend when he was drunk, he rang me after leaving me to the door and told me he loved me,would marry me tomorrow,thinks I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and loves our chats but doesn't want a relationship- he said he doesn't know what's wrong with him . Anyway the next night we were all out together and he ended up ringing and asked me back to his house . Needless to say one thing led to another . I didn't care what happened after because I knew he wouldn't change for me but what I'm really angry over is he slept with someone the night after after all he said ! I feel like such a fool but he knows I'm not that type of girl and I thought he respected me .

    This has been going on nearly years now and I have had enough, I text him last night telling him that I know you slept with someone the night after me and put it as a joke - you could of at least waited a week . He never wrote back . What do I say to him when I see him . Oh I work with him as well and his family are friends with my family . His mother is my boss . He's 28 and hasn't been in proper relationship since me and him !


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You know, if a girl were to come in my life right now. I wouldn't have the energy or time to put into the relationship. Maybe in a few years once I've calmed down from school and work, then I'd be ready.

    Maybe think of it like a fruit that needs to ripe before it taste it's best.

    You guys seem to be communicating pretty well which is great. He told you he doesn't want a serious relationship which could mean 1. he's dating others. 2. he's just too busy or 3. Hes is just too young to know what he might lose.

    Either way, don't dwell on it. Take what he said and move on if you're looking for more. He says he wanted a casual relationship, If that's not on you "to do list" then move on. Don't analyze or look into it deeper. He will contact you once he's ready, trust me. If you're not there when he's ready, then lesson learned for him.

    "Life is about luck, timing and being prepared for the opportunities."

    - the mom.

  • Committing might just be scary to him, or maybe just too much effort in his mind. You'll have to decide if that is good enough for you, or not and maybe move on.


What Girls Said 2

  • I think people will always have doubts, even if they are fleeting, they will still come. I think that even though the ever popular, and confidence building book would say "he's just not that into you", sometimes, I feel that people are just complex. Not everything in life is black and white. If you are sure this guy is not seeing other people, and you're not, you ARE in a relationship. Maybe the term "relationship" or "girlfriend" freaks him out. But if you guys are having fun together and you feel that he is genuinely interested in you other than for the hook ups, then I say go for it.

  • I understand how you are feeling. I been off and on with this guy for a while we are on a break he knows I want to be in a commited relationship just can't right now. long story we had some issues and some real drama in 2007. good luck some guys are hard to read.

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