Does being in a cool off relationship mean you can flirt heavily with another girl?

A guy has been giving me numerous signs that he's into me, even fallen in love with me, for about 4 months now, though he hasn't said it directly because he still has a gf, although they're in a "cool off" stage, or so he says. He seems to be a nice guy though, and caring, and sweet to me. But he's very cautious and won't answer questions directly when asked what's the real score between him and his gf. He also thinks he's single if he's in a cool off relationship. I would like to ask if I should continue flirting with him since I'm beginning to fall for him a little and would like to nip this in the bud if it's going to hurt me in the end. Thank you!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds to me like he has two women in his life, which is going to be bad news for one of them, at least. I think, for your own sake, that you need to tell him to look you up once things have cooled off in his other relationship, to the point of being ICE COLD. We all want to have our cake and eat it too. Too much cake is unhealthy! All the best.

    • He says he's been having problems with his girlfriend for a while now, even before he met me. I think it's just to pacify me because I do act coldly when some of our colleagues mention stories of relationships ruined by a third party. however, he's really nice and sweet on me and thoughtful, and he does seem to be a guy with a conscience. he says he hasn't been with his girlfriend since their "cool off" stage except once last december to exchange how do you dos.

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    • Actually, he is inviting me into his life. he would say he wants to get married already, and then pointedly ask me what's my ideal age to get married. the thing is, I haven't told him I have feelings for him, because I do want to protect myself from him (what if he chooses to go back to his gf, I'd be devastated). and he hasn't told me point blank he has feelings for me, but keeps playing these romantic MP3s about his feelings. he seems sincere but is waiting for me to make the first move.

    • is this guy thinking of marriage yet he's playing things like a 21 year old (girlfriend in "cooling off stage" whatever that means, and new interest (you) on the side) Come on now, be stronger than that...please!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Even if your horndawg pal is cooling his heels, he still seems hot to trot. Ok, so he's sweet and he's a gentleman. He's also evasive about the relationship he's abandoning to pursue you. Besides, what kind of emotional maturity can you expect from a man who maintains a failing partnership while sniffing about for other possibilities? If you want the truth, talk to his "frosty cool" girlfriend. I suspect she'll have a different take on the situation. The cynical damage-free approach would be to use him just like he's using you. Enjoy the sport, then drop him like a handful of warm fertilizer. Of course, in so doing you would be slithering down at his level. Or, you could just place him the same box where you store all your bad memories, and concentrate on a healthy friendship with a man who isn't so emotionally selfish. It's your choice.

    • Thanks, I do need a cold shower of reality here. I don't want to use him, I'm not bitter...yet hehe. what I couldn't understand is if he really loves me like what he's trying to convey, he should've left his girlfriend already. I guess he's thinking of the plans he's made (he built a house and might be planning to get married til he met me), and he's not sure if I reciprocate (I haven't told him I have feelings for him) and waiting for me to make the 1st move. but I'm conservative and am waiting for him

    • Lol wow great answer, you should right a book, the answer was articulate, funny, and the point came across perfectly. Top answer in my book.

What Girls Said 2

  • Um, I have never heard the expression of being in a "cool off" relationship. To me that sounds like a cop out. Especially if he's so cautious about things. Personally that is one guy I would stay far away from. Why even be in a relationship if you are "cooling off"?

    • "Cool off" officially means one of the parties in a relationship wants some space so they don't have the pressure of being bf-gf for a while, to think things through if they want to continue on or not. It's a prelude to a break up, but in a nicer way.

      Yes, you're right, it's a cop out, so he doesn't have to deal with the ugly mess that a breakup would bring, and so the girl can prepare herself. But I'm not sure either if he'll choose me or go back to her. He's built a house for her and all!

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    • It's not fair. Screw this guy. Say you two get together, what makes you think he won't do the same to you. He seems like quite the opportunist. How respectful of you, his girlfriend and himself is he if he is not willing to break it off completely but would rather have her hang on to the hope. It's not good and it's not right. There are better guys out there. Who's to say that he won't string you along if he does break up with her saying he just wants to be single for a while?

    • You're right of course, and my brain has been saying the same thing to me over and over again. It's just my emotional part is also saying that he's the only sensitive guy I've known who's very sweet and caring and knows how to treat a woman and her feelings. he even apologizes first even though he doesn't know why I'm giving him the cold shoulder (I don't let on that I have feelings for him already). he's also smart and responsible, and apart from the having-a-gf thing, he's an ideal guy for me

  • Sounds like a bad situation. A relationship is a relationship cool off or not. Sounds like he wants the best of both worlds; to date his girlfriend and have you as well. If he's not willing to break it off with his girlfriend and commit to you then you need to break it off. Just sounds like he doesn't want to commit to you but just likes having you there if/when he wants you. You can't let him have you just when he wants to; you need to tell him he gets all of you or none of you.

    • Sounds like he might be manipulating do you know that what he is telling you about his relationship is really the true?