How can I get my ex-girlfriend back after I 'sort of' cheated on her?

First of all I'm going to apologize for the long winded story I'm about to write but here goes.

I had been with my girlfriend a year and a half, and it was absolutely great well the first year anyway. I treated her all the time, complimented her everyday, bought her nice things, and spent all my time with her, if we weren't with each other we'd be texting each other. 3 Weeks ago this all changed, we went to a concert and had an amazing night, I loved it. She got home and had gone on my Facebook without me knowing, and fount a conversation between me and a girl. This girl I don't even know, I've never met before, but I said things a guy in a relationship should not say. I mean I don't even know why I said these things as I didn't even mean them! I'm ashamed of myself as its not who I am, even though I haven't met, had sex, or kissed another girl, I'm still ashamed! This broke her heart and it kills me inside knowing it was my fault to why we split.

Since the break up, she has hated my guts. Her mother told me I had to fight for her back, I begged her, and pleaded forgiveness, I wrote her a long letter of all the amazing memories we had and the little things I love about her which she didn't realize I picked up on. I've realized doing all this, was just pushing her away and from the start I should of just given her space. But that's one of the hardest things ever to do, especially when you're told to prove how much you want her and fight for her!

The last 6 months of our relationship, I took her for granted and stopped doing the things I use to do. I stopped appreciating how much she loved me, which she did, I mean I don't think anyone could love me more than her! I treated her badly, and I've only just realized after not being with her at what an ass hole I have been! I've told her I've changed, that I'm sorry and that I won't break her heart again.

At the moment we're not talking, after constantly pleading my forgiveness, and promising new starts and changes, I realized I was just making it worse, so right now I've told her, it leave her alone, but won't stop loving her. I've told her il be there for her whenever, and the only girl I want is her. Which is true, sounds cheesy, but the only girl I want to live my life with, is her. She's naturally beautiful, attractive, funny, the nicest girl I will ever meet or have the chance to be with and I ruined it by my stupidity. I really regret, hate myself and I'm ashamed for what I've done. I know she still loves me, and has feelings for me. But I don't want to be with anyone but her, and deep down I know she only wants to be with me. As I say at the moment, we're not talking. I've seen a latest picture of her and she's still wearing my chain I gave her (Maybe I'm over thinking that and she just doesn't realize she's still wearing it) My stuff is still at hers, and hers is still at mine and we Haven't even spoke about giving it back. Please note we still live with our familys, not together. I love her so much, what do I do? :'(


Most Helpful Girl

  • Christ this sounds like me and my first boyfriend only he did it for the entire time we were together and didn't consider telling another girl he loved her, that she was the best thing that ever happened to her and having phone sex wih her cheating.. Look mate basically you've broken her trust and you've made her feel worthless. The only thing you can really do now is be the perfect boyfriend. Don't see anyone else while you are broken up (girls I mean) don't flirt with others and keep promises that you make to her. I think you need to speak to her in person and tell her why you did what you did. And if you don't know I can tell you right now it was a nice little ego boost for you to talk to another girl in a flirtatious and/or sexual manner. Young guys just have no will power for that sort of thing. You need to prove that she can trust you again. Honestly I think she just needs time and a bit of space... so just wait.

    • Thank you for your advice, understand what your saying! I will wait as a I truly don't want anyone else but her, she was the girl I could picture my life with and I was happy with it. I think you're right on the ego boost, sounds pathetic and I know it is. Really wish I hadn't took her for granted the times I did, if I got her back, I'd treat her like the princess she deserves to be, I really would!

    • Either way you have learnt your lesson. Which is a good thing. :)

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What Girls Said 4

  • I have never basically understood what makes a guy or a girl who is happy in a relationship talk to someone on the side. This is so stupid!

    But it is a good lesson, first of all. So, life gave you this lesson, remember it no matter if you are with this girl or someone else.

    Regarding this case, I think you should be persistent, but not begging. You should prove your love on action, not just your words and begging. Be around, care, show attention. It will melt her heart in some time if you still have the chance to be an item. Don't go back, be reluctant!

    I hope you have success, and never repeat the path you once had!

    • I didn't know what I was thinking and I didn't even mean the words I said which was so stupid. I guess I just got too big for my boots and for whatever I did I could get away with. I plan to do what you said although its kind of hard as she refuses to see me, but I guess after time that might change. I don't want her out of my life, as she deserves the best, she deserves someone to make her happy, and smile because she truly is an amazing girl.

    • look, the girl doesn't want to see you because you hurt her and she cares. She feels heartbroken and betrayed, but you boy can handle this. Remember, you are a guy and you should be strong. There are so many ideas you can implement. Make sure she feels your presence around all the time, don't let it go like this.

  • I'm sorry I have no answer for you but I'd like to ask you something

    Why do guys change after they feel secure in a relationship?

    My boyfriend used to be very attentive to me and loving, but now after almost a year into the relationship it seems like he has become lazy? he seems to love me less, and how much he worked to get me b4...

    He apologized to me and said, I don't know why I have been acting like such an ******** but you are the most perfect girlfriend anyone could ever have. I don't know why I have been doing what I have, I don't know why I have become less attentive to you, and I don't know why I have given you less importance.

    I told him let's take a break because it was hurting me, it almost seemed as if the love was one sided coming from my part. I did everything eagerly for him, and love him unconditionally. He says he loves me a lot and the love grows deeper and deeper with time, but his actions (laziness/lack of attention) says otherwise.

    • Sounds a lot like how I was, I don't know why we do it, I think we just get into a zone of comfort where we stop putting in as much effort, cause I think we feel we don't need to impress you anymore, we have you. If your boyfriend is like me, a break will make him realize how bad he was, cause if I could of changed how I was I would of done. You don't realize what you have until you lose it, and away from you, he will realize what he has lost! And will sort him self out hopefully!

    • Show All
    • Im sure my ex would be saying the same. Honestly hope it works out for you. I feel horrible for how I treated her, if he has a heart, he will too. If not then he isn't worth yours!

    • Thank you :D

  • Awww :( Your in a similar situation to me and my boyfriend. I found out in the summer that he had told a handful of girls things that made me feel devastated to say the least. I was ready to walk out there and then and go home. He came home and I told him just how much I hated him for that and I can never forgive him.

    However, he persuaded me that he really does love me more than anything else in the world and how it was a terrible mistake that he'll never forgive. I believed him and that's why we're still together. It's hard, but it's possible. You need to really show her and make her believe that you are the man for her.

  • Wow, I wish my boyfriend felt this bad about actually cheating on me...

    • Haha, well before the relationship I always said I can't stand people that cheat. Which you can imagine I can't bare to look at myself right now! I'm ashamed not just that I've broke her heart, but of what I've done. Its disgusting! I haven't eaten or slept properly in weeks! As said below, its a lesson learnt, just wish it was a lesson learnt before this relationship! As this girl was the best one out there!

    • Well I'm sure that if she doesn't take you back, any other girl would be happy to have you. A guy with morals that he actually sticks to is one to hold onto.

What Guys Said 2

  • So what exactly did you say to the other girl? And who was she? And did she send pics or anything?

    • It was a girl I have never met, never seen, lives on the other side of the country. I use to talk to her on fb when I was single, and recently she added me on Facebook. I got carried away with old times, and said she looks nice in her pics, and that if I was single I would.

  • I think you can't do anything. I think you've ballsed it up good and proper. Not just from the flirting with another girl, but from the incredibly clingy way you tried to get her back.

    When you were told you had to fight for her, what you did instead basically amounted to rolling over and exposing your belly in a gesture of complete surrender and passive submission.

    That's not fighting for a girl. That's saying "You win! I'll do anything! Please take me back!"

    It looks pathetic, it is not attractive, and I don't think it's ever worked in the history of mankind.

    After making a nuisence of yourself for so long, it's only right that you pull back now and give her some space. But I don't think that's going to make her fall in love with you again. It might just stop her from having to call the police though.

    • Yeah I see that now. I didn't realize what I was doing until again, I took time apart and realized how desperate and pathetic I looked. Appreciate the honesty in the answer as its true. I cocked things up and I hate myself for it, both in the relationship and after. They say we learn from our mistakes, I just wish I learnt from them before I had this relationship!