How to forget the man you love?


I had a one-year relationship. We broke up because he was not ready for commitment. It was my choice to end the relationship. I suffered when we were together, because I wanted more and he did not. At the same time he was my best friend and a great lover. We spent almost all our free time together and never got bored. Even when we were at work we used to email each other. There was a very strong connection.

But I was loosing a respect for myself, since, despite all this he did not want to have an “official relationship”.

For 2 months after the break up he was running after me, asking to come back (still not offering anything new, except of “I know that I have commitment issues, but I will start addressing them”). I didn’t believe him, as I’d heard something similar before. Then he decided not to talk to me ever again and “disappeared”. After some time he started to send me mixed signals (nothing direct. There are a couple of places in the internet where we “intersect”. But from what he posted I could see that he still suffers because of the break up)

I don’t regret my decision. And I don’t regret about not contacting him now.

My main problem is that I can not forget him and I really suffer. After almost 4 months. Sometimes I feel better, but then it comes again and seems never to end. I tried all the techniques, but I always end up thinking of him and missing him despite all what happened. I don’t know what to do, because it seems too much.

I am also wandering why the man, who obviously suffers for a long time because we are not together prefers to suffer rather than to come to me and have a normal relationship. It seems completely illogical. Well, maybe he is “not that into me”, but in this case, I think he would move on, which he didn’t.

I can not come into peace with myself.

Please help:)


Most Helpful Girl

  • It takes time to get over someone especially if they were your best friend at the time. Congratulations on standing up for yourself and looking out for your heart (it took me 6 years to get away). You just have to keep yourself busy and go into you mode. What worked like a gem for me was to not date anyone, get myself into shape (eating healthy and working out), pampering myself and learning to be ok on my own. I even picked up cooking as a hobby. Anyhow, my point is if you work on healing and work on improving yourself you will see how it's too bad that it didn't work out but how important you are to you. In this world you only have yourself ultimately. As sad as it is there will be a day where you can look back and think, "We had some amazing times but he just wasn't the one for me." Don't worry about him, he will have to learn to get over his fears or lose more people that he loves. He doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't trust himself (which in turn makes it impossible to trust other people). He has been hurt in his past (who hasn't) and never dealt with it. So now he wants to have the perks without the commitment. Reason being? He has an excuse to say, "Oh well. We weren't dating." whether or not it's because of something a woman did or he did.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • There's no magic pill.

    You will remember this guy for a long time. You will feel sad, angry, regretful, for a long time. You'll feel confused and torn up for a long time. That's all normal. There's no quick fix for normal.

    You have to endure it. It's like you've been kicked in the heart -- like any other wound, time and effort are what it takes to heal. Your heart's bruised, and you need time. Same as if you pull a calf muscle while running -- you'll limp for a while, but you'll gradually get better.

    Sounds like you're on the right path. You know that you were stuck in an unhealthy pattern, and you made the brave move. It was easier to stay. But it's sick to stay -- that's why he wants you back. He wants to stay stuck in his sickness, but you want to move on. He wants to drag you down.

    When you start missing him, remember why you broke up. Be specific. "I ended the relationship because of A, B and C." Remember that the bad outweighed the good. Remember that you've learned a lot, and can avoid the same mistakes in the future.

    Good luck.

  • move on sweetie, you can do better, that's him realizing what he had now that your gone. As my mom said, " his well has run dry" when he had you he didn't see that the love and affection you were giving him. He see's it now because your gone and he realizes what a jerk he has been to someone who really liked and loved him. If you want to you could see what he has done to better himself. If he doesn't tell you anything, he didn't changed. move on its nice guys out there that will love and commit to you. Enjoy your life and be thankful that you and him didn't get married or had a kid yet because he may not be their with you. Keep your head up, and love yourself at all times, you can do btter. You have to believe you can. Have a great day

  • No use crying over spilled milk, nor running after exes.

    the best thing you can do is to fall in love with another man, one who reciprocates your love.

    • Thanks for your answer.

      I see a lot of comments of this kind as a response to wide range of people's situations. Do you think that no crying over spilled milk is a unique approach?

      As to my situation, don't want him now, as he is. But I keep thinking that maybe one day he will work things through. Why not?

      I am not sure whether I am doing the right thing. But, I keep reading the same advices everywhere. Is it really the best and unique approach?

What Girls Said 3

  • Just do what I did, totally make yourself busy and do things you love to do to distract yourself from thinking about him. I know it's hard now, it will take some time and active effort and then you won't even think of the guy anymore. Think about yourself, take care of yourself, focus on yourself.

    That's what I've been doing and it is working great.

    You've come to a major step and that is you don't regret your decision. That's a huge realization step and then you just have to follow through. Don't hate yourself, don't be too hard on yourself---sometimes I think about my ex-bf too, but seriously wish my douche ex-bf was dead lol jk, but you just have to think about how much he's not good enough for you and move on.

    He might be having other issues in his life and thus can't move on. Or maybe you're assuming since he hasn't started a new relationship that that would mean he hasn't moved on. Either way, I guess the best way would be not to contact him if you want him to get over you. If you do contact him, he will think perhaps you want to get back with him and if you don't, it will only hurt him if he's still into you. Eventually he'll just heal.

    I think I was in a situation similar to your ex. My ex-bf saw that I didn't go out with anyone for a while and he decided to butt into my situation, and it hurt. He was the one who hurt me and the last thing I wanted was contact, he was messing with my head or w/e. I doubt you are doing that obviously, but like, I guess , if you want him to completely heal over you and stop thinking of you, you can't contact him. He has to figure it out on his own. As long as you know what you want from a relationship, which you have stated, it's good. ^_^


    • Thanks for your answer.

      Frankly, now I don't want him to get over me. I want him to realize that what he was doing was unhealthy, that's why I walked away. If I meant smth for him, if he loved me, maybe missing me will help him to reconsider. Of course I am not sitting and waiting for this to happen. I am trying to continue with my own life.

      I am also thinking whether the people who have commitment issues stay like this for the rest of their lifes? Do they realize somehow that it was wrong?

  • Love is an episode in men's life but history in case of women.

    We girls actually nurse break-up. It isn't easy to forget him, him who meant everything to you, who you so badly trusted more than yourself and one day he walks away from your life. How painful this experience is.

    Try to understand this person isn't worthy of you. He couldn't value your worth so he left. Maybe he'll regret later. God is there to take care of all. Maybe he'll even come back to you. Or its also possible that there's another person waiting to enter you life that couldn't have been possible without his exit. Good times will come. But meanwhile find yourself. Don't ruin yourself for him. No one is that important !

  • you will never forget him. he was a big part of your life. you just need to realize that he is not what is best for you and do what you can to move on. if you were meant to be, it will find a way.