Search Results: relationship trust issues feelings

So for the longest time I have thought that I have daddy issues. However, I’m not certain what the traits for it are. I basically grew up with a father that walked out on us every chance he got (one of the reasons is that he has schizophrenia and doesn’t accept it). Regardless he wasn’t around enough and whenever he was it was very unstable. Growing up I had a difficult relationship with my father, we use to fight a lot, he was very negligent, etc. Anyways about 4 years ago he got his shit together and even helped me get my degree without any loans. However, I’m not certain if the many years of neglect had an impact in my psyche. I’ve been in two long term relationships, one in high school and another in college (3yrs & 2yrs). The second one had a really shitty end, since I let my ex play with me for two years after the breakup. Ever since, I haven’t been in a relationship and have only had sexual relationships that tend to not last very long (my decision, don’t want to catch feelings). I find it very difficult to trust guys, or I tend to quickly feel in love only to realized that it really wasn’t the case.

Pros and cons of dating a divorcee:

Pros
1. Time – divorce is often the result of a relationship where people rushed in too quickly and didn’t really take sufficient time to get to know each other. It is unlikely that someone who has been through this will want to make the same mistake again so they are more likely to take their time getting to know you.

2. Commitment – having already made a commitment a divorcee will often be much clearer about the realities of that decision and the problems that can arise.

3. Experience – when someone has been through the pain, loss and separation that divorce can entail, it can make them more rounded as a person.


Cons
1. Once bitten – for some divorcees the experience was so painful that they resolve to never make the same mistake again and therefore will not consider remarrying.

2. Emotional baggage – a bad divorce can leave people bitter, angry, resentful and with a skewed view of relationships. While their feelings may be entirely justified it may be impossible to break down the barriers and form a new relationship until they have worked through the issues. It takes time to heal and the more recent the divorce was the more likely it is that they are still working through their feelings.

3. Trust – although it is unfair to be judged because of someone else’s bad behavior, when a person has been badly hurt they are going to be wary of trusting again. You will need to be patient and over time trust will build as the painful past is replaced with healthier experiences in the here and now.

4. Family ties – if there are children from the marriage you have to accept, whatever the age of the children and whether they live with their parent or not, that this match comes as a package. Having children will usually also necessitate contact with the other parent to some degree and this can be difficult when a new relationship is developing.