Search Results: i'm scared to move on

Since I don't like makeup and hate dressing like a tramp, it seems that refusing to wear makeup or just wanting dress modest is looked down upon in this society. Everything that is natural for a girl is considered weird, lazy, unkempt, and unhygenic. I don't like changing my hair texture or anything else that changes me. When I go to the mall all natural, just about most of the teens and some younger adults treat me horribly, especially in Forever 21, the cashiers both women and men give me dirty and disgusted looks and refused to look at me. Most of the people in Forever 21 are always rude to me, it doesn't matter what store it is. It also seems racism has not died out. I still continue to see racist comments on the internet and even racist people in person. I went to sprouts and I had on fitness clothes and they weren't trashy, my hair was freshly washed, but I had it twisted and it was very short. I am a very hygienic person and clean, I rarely dress up anywhere, but I see no reason to dress up in regular grocery stores. I passed by this white lady and she clutched her purse when I passed by and she kept moving away from me and then I went near this white person and he quickly got away from me. Even the cashiers at sprouts are rude to me and give me an attitude. I dealt with rude comments online about my appearence and racist comments. I also have acne scars and I feel that's another thing people use against me. Ever since I moved back to California, I have been staring at myself in the mirror all day and everyday and I am obsessing over everything from my skin color, forehead shape, jaw shape, face shape, color of lips, small eyes, and everything else. I wish I never learned racism at such a young age, now I am scared of white people and feel dirty and ugly around them. It also doesn't help what men say about black women. Its very hard for me to continue to wear my natural hair and to not wear makeup with how badly im hurthurtin alll the ignorant commen