Search Results: loosen up

A girl I knew for two years ended our friendship recently as she said everytime she'd met me it had felt very formal and she'd been unable to open up and Í had only seen a very polite version of her and she'd been overwhelmed by my messages saying how close I thought we were etc. I was at the time in a couple of very toxic friendships and they were making me very guarded in person. In messages I would constantly tell her how important her friendship was to me etc (I wanted to let her know I appreciated the friendship as I knew I was too awkward to show it in person).

Should I send her this letter at easter?

I hope this letter finds you well. Just a few lines to thank you for your excellent advice about letting some of my ‘friends’ go. Some of the things you said when you ended our acquaintance made me realise that I needed to actually change things rather than just saying I would and burying my head in the sand. The toxic friendships I had with these people and the way I felt they were using me was making me keep everyone at arms length by presenting a very formal version of myself in person. As a result I was always very guarded and awkward around you and often seemed aloof as a result? Perhaps the reason you felt you couldn't loosen up and we failed to click? Anyway, I feel far less up tight and less anxious now I’ve stopped seeing them than I ever have done since Uni and its largely down you so thank you.

I think I can honestly say you were the best ‘friend I never had’ as your advice was key to solving this problem that I had been trying to ignore. I still very much regret making you feel the way you did. It was honestly never my intention and had I realised how you felt sooner I would have backed off. It’s a shame that it took losing your acquaintance for me to realise I needed to tell them where to go as if I had woken up sooner things may be very different now.

I hope your Uni work is going well and that you enjoyed your well earned holiday?

Basically I was very guarded and formal and a bit aloof with her even though I really liked her. She cut all contact because she said she wasn't a social person and making friends was tiring enough but not getting past the acquaintence stage after three years was exhausting. She said she didn't dislike me at all she just didn't want to be friends. She said she hoped I found the courage to my other friends where to go because I deserved friends who valued me.

Basically the only reason I was guarded around her was because I had two or three 'friendships' where people were just using me for what the could get out of it and this made me keep everyone at arms length, I really regret doing this and realising that these friendships were causing it I ended them. Most of all I regret losing contact with her she was great.

Should I send this letter:

"I hope this letter finds you well. I just thought I’d write to thank you again for your excellent advice about letting some of my ‘friends’ go. Your tough love approach made me realise that the toxic friendships I had with these people were badly affecting me. The result was I was always very guarded around you and seemed aloof as a result? Perhaps the reason you felt you couldn't loosen up and we failed to spark? I feel far less up tight and more myself now they’re gone than I ever have done since Uni and its all down you so thank you.

I think I can honestly say you were the best friend I never had and I still miss being able to talk with you. I wish I’d had the courage to get rid of these people sooner so I could have opened up and let you in when I had the chance.

I hope your Uni work is going well and that you enjoyed your holiday; perhaps you’ll drop me a line sometime and let me know how you're getting on?

Thanks again and I hope to hear from you,

All the best,"