Search Results: hurting her during sex

To keep this short, why do you think guys leave a girl? Whether they are in a relationship or not.

If anyone wonders why I asked, I just did a quick count and 11 guys during the 27 years of my life left me. Either they just left or cheated and left. And most of them end up with the girl they got after me. I write the details below (in case anyone wants to read).

Mr. A. Dated for 2 years, left me for another girl.
Mr. D. Dated for 3 years, he physically left to another country to study. I know this guy might not count, but he left when I was in the bottom of my life. I needed him a lot and he was just not there.
Mr. Ar. After 1 night of sex.
Mr. Al. After 6 months of non-relationship sex. I was emotionally attached to him.
Mr. N. After 3 days of summer sling and sex.
Mr. M. Dated for 1.5 month, was very attached emotionally, left me for another girl.
Mr. An. After 1 year of dating and when we were about to get engaged, he cheated with my own friend. Now they're married. This one hurts the most.
Mr. D. Around for 1 year, has sex now and then, no relationship, and suddenly just dissapears.
Mr. As. After 3 months of intense date nights. Not official.
Mr. K. Eventhough he loved me like hell and spent a whole year chasing me. Once we got official, he left.
Mr. F. The one whom I loved most, we weren't in a relationship, I told him how much he meant to me, and he left.

Now I'm dating Mr. H for 4 months, not official yet, but I have a feeling he's going to leave soon as we're drifting apart.

I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with me as honestly I'm very very impacted with everything. Highly appreciate those who participate this. Thanks!

Back drop to the story is when I was 19, I ended up in a bad place. Found a guy that I practically loved, but at the same time was going through a bit of turbulence in my life at the time and had to drop out of my university course etc which was completely embarrassing for me.

Anyway, I was drinking heavily at the time each weekend. And then I met this aforementioned guy - and I really really liked him. Like seriously, had never felt like I did about someone before him. Things went swimmingly to begin with, and I forgot about all of the other troubles during that time.

Things had been too good to be true, only for him to decide early on that he didn't want things to go further, and he was also 'bored' because I wouldn't sleep with him. I don't believe in sex before marriage - and it's a good job in that situation that I didn't.

So I was extremely upset at the time, felt even worse than I had before. A few months after the split, he invited me to a house party at his and I agreed to go (naively hoping we'd sort things out).

I went over drunk to find that he'd taken drugs and was trying to pursue a relationship with one of my friends who I'd went to school with.

So me and my friend were sitting together, only two girls at the party, and all the other guys in the room were taunting us with 'you should kiss'. Now, I'm in no way a believer of this kind of thing. But my drunken self saw this as an opportunity to get back at my ex for hurting me like he did.

So we kissed like very briefly, maybe 3-4 seconds and my ex walked in and got extremely annoyed. As I had hoped at that time.

However a now more mature me, who is t-total and settled in another relationship with no contact with my ex still feels extreme regret and shame about what I did. Especially when my motives were as sour as they were. The thought still haunts me, because I stand for the exact opposite of everything I did.

I mean seriously, will I ever lay this to rest? I'm so ashamed.

Thoughts?