Search Results: learning to trust

I've been having issues with a friend for awhile now, and it seems that the problem is that, at the core, she thinks relationships, true friendships or such, requires no real effort. That if you're getting tired at any point cause of them then it's not gonna work out. I've been trying to point out to her that this is a childish mindset, because all relationships of any kind takes effort.

Two people will always have some kinda conflicts at a point and there'll need to be effort put in on both sides to mend any problems. I also say that you need to put effort into trying to spend time with them or sharing with them cause a truly close friendship should have that kinda effort put in. You can not have any kind of relationship with another person without putting in effort and without showing care and concern. But it seems she just doesn't get it. And it's really bothering me.

I mean, if she was gonna claim that at a point, when you become good friends, it doesn't feel like effort is put in, I'd agree. At a point, when you become really good friends, any effort you put in doesn't feel like you're doing any kinda work or expending energy because that isn't your point of view anymore. It's not about being selfish anymore and thinking about what you get outta it, it's about the other person and caring about them more than you do about any amount of energy you put in. So it might feel like you're not putting any effort/energy in, but you really are, you're just not noticing cause it's not the important thing to you anymore.

But that's not her point, her point is about relationships NEVER requiring effort, and that just seems childish to me or something... but I wonder if others agree or if they have their own different understanding of relationships and the effort it takes. Do note this isn't about any relationship like a lovers, but relationships like friends or so.

I'll be honest, I really feel like she has some serious social issues or needs to grow up if she thinks so little of relationships and thinks she doesn't have to put in any effort or shouldn't have to care about the other. Or, hell, she's even said she doesn't care about their past. Which is vastly ignorant to me because we are all the sum total of our past. Who we are was shaped greatly by our past experiences. Learning about our pasts, some we might not want to share (and those we don't want to share, but DO share will only show how much we trust the other and show how strong a relationship is with them), but we share cause we want them to know us and we want to know them. So we an have a stronger and true bond with them. But I just don't think she gets it :\