Search Results: worry about her cheating

So I’m 24. Have tried taking a few psych medications and currently only rely on one benzodiazepine for anxiety (diagnosed with GAD). I have minor trauma exposure due to parents divorcing when I was 8 and being bullied growing up. All my life I’ve been concerned with my weight and now I’m more in the average/curvy body type range. I still feel I’m huge and unattractive. I have a hard time maintaining relationships. I don’t talk to my family and do not open up to potential friends (current acquaintances). I have a fear of being betrayed by people in my life, which is why I’m generally very closed off and stay to myself. I am always single. Only dated someone short term and the WHOLE TIME I was with him, I accused him of cheating when there was generally no evidence. I typically am paranoid of people in general as previously discussed, especially around guys. Not to mention, I don’t ever make the first move with a guy and play very hard to get, hence a result of my low self esteem and feeling they’re playing me/ not interested. I was not noticed by guys in HS (a vulnerable stage), which is why I tend to use online to talk to guys and avoid socializing in person. My psychiatrist thinks I’m very dramatic and just anxious, the extent of his opinion towards my mental health. I always fear the worst in life (failure and cancer) and worry about things that haven’t happened yet. I self sabotage. My mood swings are all over the place because I think of something negative and believe it is my reality, altering my behavior until something else distracts me. When I ask people, they tend to think I’m more normal than I really think I am. I am just socially anxious, antisocial and think I’m best off alone because I’m so much to deal with. Medication has helped but only so much.

We went from meeting, to friends, to hooking up pretty fast but slowly slowly we've become more to each other. He told me honestly when I asked him, he was having sex with others before we became exclusive. He was honest: "we're not dating; I can do whatever I want." When I told him it hurt me that he got with someone else he was very apologetic and he told me he wouldn't do it again. Now that he says we're exclusive I'm so paranoid. Even though he's always in contact with me, I worry that he's cheating. I worry constantly. I get jealous, I get mean, I act unstable because I'm afraid he's lying. He's so kind to me when I act like this. He tells me he'd never hurt me. He tells me if he'd known I wanted to be exclusive earlier he would've been exclusive. He says he's sad that I'm sad and that he wishes he could hold me in his arms at that moment. Every time I feel guilty. He's unfollower all the half-naked women he used to have on instagram "from when he was single". He realized I didn't like the constant drinking and has been trying to slow that down. He's trying to quit smoking because I told him he needed to take care of himself. There are no signs that he's cheating. He is so respectful of me and patient with me and appreciative of me and he tries to prove to me that he genuinely cares about me and wants a future with me. I know I have no reason to think he's cheating. But I'm so anxious. I'm afraid one day I'll have nagged him too much and lose him.
I hate hurting him and picking fights because I'm scared. How do I get over this paranoia and let it go? I always regret the accusations and the mistrust but I can't help how I feel and I end up lashing out. Any advice?