Search Results: forgive me forgiveness

I was apologizing to this girl for months over email. She was just my friend but we did not get to know each other well. I kept sending emails begging her to forgive me and sometimes accusing her of not being kind. Finally I prayed and asked God, "Please help me figure out something I can do where she will forgive me. I know you have power over all things, and I know that even though everyone has free will, you put me in this situation for a reason, and your hand was in it, and you are the Almighty God" or something liked that. So I used a mind map to figure out why she did not forgive me, and I realized I never gave her my full effort and I never really humbled myself. So I made an outline and wrote an apology where I told her the good things about her, the bad things I did, and how I did not deserve her friendship or forgiveness, and I resolved to let her go. I also told her she did not even have to read it if she didn,'t want to. I felt so much peace about it unlike all.the other times.

Then when I was not aware I got an email inviting me to connect with her on linkln. For some reason I decided to disobey God so I sent her another email apologizing but this time with self-justification. I.got a message back saying she forgave me but please stop emailing her. While that email was in my inbox and I didn't know about it I chose to send something stupid. So then I felt stupid and tried to fix it with a bunch of emails but she never responded. What does that mean and what should I do?

Do you think she is still willing to forgive me, since it took months before she ever responded?

Why would a fiance you are deeply in love with cheat on me? I'm a guy, and this story is now old, but still affects me to this day. I was engaged in my mid 20s about 7 years ago, but my fiance went off one night with friends "got drunk" and "accidentally" slept with a guy.

We stayed together but it was more of cold stare back and forth for a month. Eventually I was learned to forgive because she truly was sorry and without forgiveness then you have nothing.

Anyway, those are nostalgic times. I am curious as to why something from that long ago still bothers me. I have no problem dating women now, but I throw up an emotional shield when I start to develop any real feelings to prevent long-term attachment and bail.

I know it has to do with my ex-fiance, her cheating, me forgiving, and then her leaving me to go "explore life" (which apparently means sleeping with all your NOW ex-friends).

I've done everything from psychologists to praying to just going out to the bar and chatting with a girl, with no intention or thought of scoring. Just female company over some drinks which sometimes leads to insight in the female mind lol.

Alright I feel I'm ranting now.