Search Results: family affair

So if you were a married woman and your husband had an affair that resulted in a child, what would you do?

Would you divorce him? Stay with him but not allow the child in the house? Stay with him and demand he cut off all contact with the mistress/child? Welcome him back with child in tow? If you already had kids with him would that make a difference? If you had kids, would you feel comfortable with integrating this other child into your family?

None of this applies to me, but one of my friend's parents is dealing with this situation right now and it's making me curious about what people would do.

I was just wondering: How many of you in long term relationships (let's set the definition of LTR being at least 4 years) have done something or hidden something from your partner that you truly do not believe your spouse/SO would be able to get over.

It doesn't necessarily have to be something such as cheating on them, though that would certainly be a possibility, but I'm thinking something more sinister.. some dark secret from your past (ie: you were adopted at birth), perhaps even before you met them. Or maybe it's some family secret, either yours (ie: you were really your sister's child, not her younger sister) or theirs that you never told them.

I'll get this started by sharing something from my situation:

My husband and his mother always had a terribly rocky relationship. He never felt she really loved him and certainly not as much as the rest of her children. It was obvious to many people. Most wrote it off as them just being very different people. My husband was pretty wild before we married (ie: he had an affair with a married woman whose policeman husband dropped her and their son off at my husband's parent's house when he found out) and many thought his mother just couldn't get over some of the things he had done. He adored his father though and he was always his father's favorite of the 4 children. It always seemed as if his dad was trying to make up for how his mother treated him.

Now, here's the dirty little secret: I know the real story. My father in law was quite wild when he was young. He cheated on his wife for nearly a year, from just before she became pregnant with my husband, until a few months after he was born. His dad continued to cheat until his mother threatened to leave him and take their other children but NOT the new baby! She told me all this not long before she died. She always felt he was a reminder of what had gone on during that time of her life. His father begged forgiveness, which she gave him. He became a devoted husband and father and spent the next 50 years making it up to his wife. He absolutely doted on that woman! Now, while this information may help my husband understand his mother a bit more, it would kill him to know about his dad. I sometimes wish she had never told me this. I made the choice to never tell him. I'll never know if it's the right choice, but I believe it best to let sleeping dogs lie.

I'm not looking for advice because I made my decision, but I wondered if others' had similar situations and how you dealt with them. If you want to comment on my situation feel free to weigh in, but it won't change my mind. Thanks for taking the time to answer.