Search Results: being bored

I used to “TALK” To this guy On and off for over 2 years (C) I’ve dated in between as well, I used to vent to him about the break up, we were friends but also flirted and such. anyways, he’s ALWAYS wanted to be official, talked about having a kid, taking care of me someday etc. I didn’t want it at the time for multiple reasons, we ended up stop talking for something, but kinda got to talking again every now and again we have social media’s & he’d always watch my stories ( always the first one to see) well a few months ago I got a boyfriend , and I post him and things we do and I’m always talking about him. (C) tells me “I give you guys 2 years till it’s over” . Everytime we talk he mentions how I was such a “b” to him & disrespectful and rude. like if I was this bad why he wanted to be with me? I’ve asked him before & he’d always say “that’s how love works sometimes “. I know if I wanted him he’d be ready to be with me. He’s always throwing things in my face and saying how petty I WAS. And if I did before, it’s the PAST. He says if I changed then “congrats , but I’m not his headache anymore” . it’s almost like he wants me to be toxic to my boyfriend because I was to HIM once upon a time. Or he wants to put it in my head like I’m some horrible person so that I doubt myself. I just like to be on good terms but he’s always being negative bringing up things I’ve done, or trying to make me feel bad. sometimes we talk & he’ll say things like “how come you do these things with him & didn’t want these things with me” or he says things like” were you ever bored of me” . he’s told me he still loved me before , but yesterday he told me that he cares about a few people, and cares about me but if he seen me get hit by a bus he wouldn’t be phased he’d just keep it moving. Like wtf? Who says that. by the way My boyfriend doesn’t mind because he knows he can trust me & I’d never do anything to hurt him. my question is why does he try to make me seem like such a HORRIBLE person?

This requires great strength to master. I’m probably a beginner level lol. But since yesterday I took a hot bath (from my previous question) for my pain. I was so bored and was getting ready to go out walking. Then I got distracted by being hungry and cooked myself something. That now I’m digesting that this feeling came back up.

lord have mercy...

I’m getting sleepy with a sad heavy head.

I just want to smoke and shower at the same time for this pain to be lifted outta me.