Search Results: more than friends with benefits

When I was 18, I lived in Ohio. I had a fling with a guy. I loved him. The first man I truly loved. On the 4th of July 2004, we were at the fireworks when he asked to have sex in the woods. I said no. I felt guilty because he was a virgin, I was not, and I had a strong feeling I would be forced to leave the country. I ended up opting to go back and my heart broke because I loved him and felt like he did too. We kept in touch and are still friends to this day. He came out as gay to me a couple years ago. He said he figured it out shortly after I left, but hid it from everyone and I was the one he was most afraid to tell because he still loved me. And through the years, I’ve loved him too. Not in a romantic way, but I cherish him.

I admitted I regretted not having sex with him that night and come to find out, I knew that he got married to a woman after me, but he didn’t love her. And that aside from her, I’m the only other woman he finds attractive.

We planned a drunk karaoke night the next time I visit. I’m hoping within the next year, but this is where it gets complicated.

I told him that despite my regret, I won’t be sleeping with him when I visit. I have a friends with benefits that I’m very attracted to of almost 2 years. And my kids know and like him too. But there’s still a part of me that wants to have sex, just once, to make up for my regret. But at the same time, I love R. In the same way I loved L. More than L could have at 17, but my kids tell him they love him too. So even though we’re only FWBs, I feel like I would be cheating on him. We both said that while we see where this goes, we’re okay with the other seeing other people, but that neither of us are like that.

R knows about L. I’ve even told him I still have a love for L. R is the same about his first girlfriend. 9 years together and he let her get away.

So what would you say and why?

So here is the story

I met this guy somewhere and we end up talking until he had to leave. So these couple of days, we end up talking. Until he wanted me to add him on Skype. Because he assumed I wanted to continue with the joking/teasing. So I end up adding him on Skype.

We were joking and teasing until I started to develop feelings for him. And yes I told him. And he said he knows. But continue to tease me.

So all of sudden I get a call from him, saying he likes me. And wanted to hear my reaction because he wanted to know how serious I was about it. So we end up talking more until we hung up. But he tells me that he doesn't do long distance. And I said I'm not forcing you or anything (and he said no I wasn't forcing him).

Anyways I thought I was in a relationship with him because he would say I love you or I miss you. We even talked about the problems and such. He even said we are an item.

Until that day where he said I'm actually friends with benefits. After I told asked him about this relationship. And he reminded me that he doesn't do long distance. Plus he says he loves me. But after I realized I'm just his friend. I cut him off, while telling him I couldn't be his friend. Nor I do friends with benefits. Because I still loved him more than friends.

I haven't heard from him since. I think he's ignoring me more.

What do you think? Was it the right choice or what?