Search Results: questions from the doctor

Back story:

We started dating, and we hit it off right away. From the very first day, there was really strong and powerful chemistry between us. The second day we knew each other we already felt comfortable enough to be intimate "both sexually and emotionally". By the end of that week, we made things official. Two weeks later, things started getting pretty serious. I just knew she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After 2-3 months, we moved in together and have been living with each other for 6 years.

She's a high school teacher, and I just finished my residency and will be working as a doctor soon.

I've been thinking about it logically; because if you think about something so serious emotionally, you're bound to (1) leave yourself open for emotional blackmail and manipulation by the other person until they get what they want (2) not make the best choice for what's in your best interest.

The way I see things, is that I have nothing to gain from even getting married. When two people love each other, what do they want to do? Be together; well we already are together. We don't need to be married to live together, to love each other, to have sex, to go through life together, or even to start a family. What do I gain from marriage, that I don't have without marriage? Nothing. What burdens do I take on with marriage? The risk of having to pay alimony in the event of a divorce, the risk of accumulating and building wealth with mostly my income, and then having to part with half.

Nevertheless, even though I have no gain from it, I want to do it for her, because I know it's important to her. She's always wanted to get married, and she obviously needs a sense of financial security and stability.

I spoke to a friend of mine that's an attorney, and he said the most bulletproof way to protect income and assets is to form an irrevocable trust and LLC. My income will be paid to the LLC which the trust will own, and all assets acquired will be done so through the trust, so it can never be considered marital property. The trust will make distributions during the year to meet only our living expenses; and in the event of divorce, only my living expenses. The existence of such a trust will be fully disclosed prior to the marriage.

But I want her to have some choice. I know our incomes are different, and we will be contributing disproportionately. For as long as we're together, I want her to know that she will have the lifestyle we can both have, but "IF" we no longer are, I want her to understand that it's unreasonable to expect to enjoy the benefits of being together, when we no longer are.

I just know that if I ask her to sign one, she will start with her emotional blackmail/manipulation routine. First putting my love for her in question, then trying to make me feel bad and guilty, then crying. I just want to know how to best approach this issue.

If we can't agree, then I think it's best we don't even get married.