Search Results: became more distant

(From Lisa Firestone Ph. D.)

Secure Attachment Style: Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed & go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent yet loving toward each other.

Insecure Styles
Anxious Preoccupied: desperate for their partner to rescue or complete them, sey’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner. When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive.

They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears, e. g. if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

Dismissive Avoidant: have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They often come off as focused on themselves. They tend to lead more inward lives, denying the importance of loved ones & detaching easily from them.

They are psychologically defended. Even in heated or emotional situations, they're able to turn off their feelings & not react. For example, if their partner is distressed and threatens to leave them, they would respond by saying, “I don’t care.”

Fearful Avoidant: afraid of being both too close to, or too distant from, others. They try to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. They can’t just avoid their anxiety or run away from their feelings. They're overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms. They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods.

They believe you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they'll hurt you. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. They may cling to their partner when they feel rejected, then feel trapped when they are close.

I never got closure about this question. My ex was my first love. The thing I loved the most about him was that he was himself. Im humble but I came to realize that most guys only like me for my looks. Thats the thing I get complemented on the most, but people rarely take the time to know my personality or truly show me theirs. But with him, we were genuine. From the moment we met, I felt as though he was always being himself. And he came to realize that I didn't judge him one bit, even when he didn't have food in the house or money to take me out, I would bring food or I would TRY to take him out but he never accepted. He also bought me many expensive gifts, the most expensive was an apple ipad and he took me on dates every week and to his house most days. He even suggested I move in with him. He offered to teach me how to drive, he wanted to meet my family (I met his), he talked to me every day and every minute of the day I knew I could text him and within seconds he would be texting me back. He came to my job almost everyday for months just to see me. I gave him my virginity. Like, I thought I knew him. He seemed so real. We broke up because of him keeping secrets from me and damaging my trust but right we broke up he acted completely different, like he didn't care about me at all. I couldnt text or call him because he wouldn't respond most times, he became distant and acted like he didn't even want to fix things. He acted like a complete stranger and our relationship went from feeling real to nothing. He only texted when he wanted to have sex and he would drop me off as soon as we were done. He told me he still loved me, but I clearly couldnt work anything out with him because he didn't seem to want me anymore. At first I felt worthless but I eventually stopped giving a fuck. I want to tell myself that he never loved me because it seems logical since he treats me like nothing now after HE is the one who broke MY heart. But I dont know.