Search Results: going back to an ex

Just a FYI forgiveness is not forgetting about what someone did. Also it doesn’t require an apology from the other person. It’s letting go of a grudge and literally telling the person they no longer have power over you.

My biggest forgiveness test was when an ex girlfriend did something completely unexpected and heinously callous to me a few years ago. I’m rarely taken by surprise. But how she treated me after a very serious issue came up absolutely blindsided me. Never in a million years I would of thought she would treated me the way she did

For a while I thought she was going to think it over and reach out & apologize for it. But she didn’t. After agonizing about the issue for over 2 years I finally sent her a very carefully email about what she did, how it hurt me but I forgave her. That didn’t magically fix everything but I felt a sense of personal liberation. I felt stronger and more at peace afterwards.

Now this isn’t just about relationships but society in general. Wanting revenge is very human. No one wants to be a push over. But often there is nothing you can (legally) do to get even. I was virtually powerless to get back my ex about how she treated me given the incident. Not matter how much I fantasized about some method to make her feel the pain I felt I had to painfully accept there was nothing I could do.

But there are other non romantic scenarios as well. White people can’t undo the past sins of slavery and Jim Crowe. Men can’t undo the past oppression women endured. History is history and you can only move forward.

But with all the hate and vitriol going on in the world right now I have yet to see any community leader ask their followers to forgive past transgressions. You can do that and at the same make changes for a better future. If someone really had the guts to propose that idea I think it would catch a lot of people off guard. It would ultimately bring the healing our nation so badly needs right now.

I've always known that most women have a natural fear of men, especially if they are strangers. Men are stronger and usually more capable of inflicting physical harm & rape. That sure as hell doesn't mean that men will automatically do that. The vast majority of us would never even think of doing that. That even includes hitting a woman back when they hit us first (which is bullshit but that's another post).

But I can remember breaking up with my ex girlfriend a year ago. We were on the rocks and I had to come by her place to get my bicycle that was stored there. I also had to return some of her items. I expected to hear something bad from her that day (i. e. breakup) because things weren't going well the 2 weeks earlier.

Earlier in the week I asked her what would be a good time to stop by her place. She told me a specific time on the weekend. When I got there her roommate and her boyfriend were there. We were cordial but then my girlfriend said "hey Joey lets go for a walk". I then asked her roommate & her boyfriend if they wanted the living room door open or closed. I had noticed that the door was open when I got there. The boyfriend said "keep it open!". The tone in his voice was telling. My soon to be ex most likely told her roommate to be around when I came by. Her roommate likely invited her boyfriend over to just KEEP AN EYE on me. Just having three people look at me like I was a scumbag was a really awkward, embarrassing and shitty situation.

Now I had never once been violent, abusive or threatening with my ex girlfriend while we dated. Ever. I did get angry with her a few times but I never raised by voice. It's also not like I showed up to her doorstep unexpectedly.

Anyway above might not be the best example. However I remember feeling extremely insulted that she probably went to that extent (making sure her roommate and her boyfriend were around) because she was scared of how I would react even though I never gave her reason to think otherwise.