Search Results: rude to bigger girls

I guess I'll start this by saying that I am not an intentionally rude person, and I am not rude when I feel at ease in a situation... but when I'm pushed into social gatherings, especially with others around my age, I close myself off, I don't smile (and if I do, it is awkward and forced), I don't have the happy "open eyed" look, I don't speak (because, in this "closed off" state, I cannot think of ANYTHING to say, even if it is about a topic that I am passionate about), I avoid people, I ignore/pretend not to see them and don't make eye contact unless spoken to, etc...

And then, later when I'm done with the occasion and I can be alone, I realize that I probably looked like a jerk, and swear to be better next time. But I am never better. I don't realize that I am standoffish, shy, and maybe grouchy, until AFTER it all has happened.

Anyway... there's this guy, and I find his personality and mannerisms to be the greatest things. He was very friendly the first time we met, he asked about my interests, about the music genres I listen to (we have similar taste-- classic rock, metal), and made a point to greet or sit in my general vicinity.

The thing is, I don't know if he was just being polite to the new, shy girl (especially since very few others made any effort to welcome me) or if he was interested in me. And I don't normally like guys from church, so it is unusual and a fairly big deal that I feel this way. I don't see him as often anymore, though. And when I do, I think that he might think I don't like him (as a person, and not just relationship-wise).

So... if a woman acted like what I explained, what would be going through your mind? What would you do or not do? Would you even want me to speak to you again? How would you like to be approached (if you do)? Do you think we could be friends? Would you like me to explain WHY all that happened? Would you like an apology? Etc.?

And, does anyone have any tips on how I can overcome my discomfort and anxiety? Every time I am around a large body of people I feel like I'm shrinking... I don't feel myself, it's almost like I forget how to act and I forget my own personality, I force a "different person" and veneer to come out, and I can't contribute to anything.