Search Results: nerve to talk to him

Before we married I had a career he asked me to quit to start a family I never saw myself as the house wife type but anything to make him happy right? I cook, clean, handle the books, organize his files and at times when asked create his presentations but to him I do nothing.
He wakes up angryvgoes to sleep angry he will bang & break things curse at me and get angry if he feels I'm speaking to him as a child because this is his house he pays everything, but this house was left to us by family and furnished by me & my parents not that it matters I wouldn't remind him of it
At times he forgets to pay bills & keep appointments I tired of being yelled at for reminding so kept quiet he spent all the money we had no food fell behind on bills I had to borrow from my father which he also became angry about.
He thinks I discuss him to people in my personal life not realizing I'm too embarrassed his friends only know because there was an incident before a party he bruised my eye while his friend sat and watched he felt bad became a puppy again and convinced me to put on make up and go because it was for work.
I find myself wishing he would have an deadly accident I would get nothing out of it I have life insurance but he refuses to get some of his own because he wouldn't want me "living well with another man" if he died I don't have desires to be with another man I just think if he died I would only remember the good & be free of him.
I ask to see counselors he refuses I drew up divorce papers & I never saw him so hurt, I mentioned it again today because I love him but this is wrong & he was angry accused me of only wanting him for his money, I reminded him I made more than him when I worked & come from money he does not and he reminded me I had been out of work so long its irrelevant and people would talk.
We have these arguments frequently I think he notices when I work up the nerve to leave because then he is sweet I love him but I'm so miserable is that possible?