Search Results: sticks to same positions

It seems like my whole life has gone to the dogs. I was born deaf and only started to hear when I had an op at 9 years old. I grew up being bullied constantly by other children and kids. Then things started to improve a small bit when I went to Further Education College and Uni. Got a job and stayed there for 10 years, 8 of them were the best. Then came the Recession and Economic crash and it went down the pan again. Managers and work colleagues bullied me and completely destroyed what little self-confidence and self esteem I had left and I am now an emotional wreck, frightented to go out, frightened to get another job in case I get the same abuse (long story, but the last place became very heavy handed on the most minor of mistakes, taken constantly into a back office and yelled at). I'm stuck at my parents because I have no money left, I cannot afford a place of my own, cannot get into council or housing association to get a place of my own, cannot claim any benefits, and barely scraping by on a work at home job because that is all I can do.

All I want now is to be left alone, away from people, wanting to sleep and hope and pray that I never wake up again. Inside I harbour so many bad feelings and just want revenge against those who wronged me.

I know life is meant to be hard and I am not asking for an easy life and that there are people out there who are in a worse position (I find that unhelpful simply because it does not offer a solution or something to try instead of), but no one should be bullied or made to feel bad. I feel so stuck and don't know where to turn. Had counselling privately because I cannot get it for free, and I am still in the same position. Trying CBT but my faith is so low (no religion options please).