I've noticed whenever I'm about to hook up with a guy he'll never ask me if I'm okay with it even though I always ask the guy even if he seems like he's into it. Whenever I tell a guy I want him to stop if I think things are going too far it makes me feel really guilty but mostly because the guy will look at me like I've just killed his entire family. I just wish people were more respectful of others limits. The conversation about consent before having sex I feel is more worth it than the awkward conversation that can come after
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I think the polls so far are a good example that everyone has a different way of giving consent. Although a good amount of people believe undressing and being physically involved means yes, a good majority also believes asking first is what determines consent. Because so many people have so many definitions the best thing you should do is ask and remember that sex is a two a person thing, if one person is just laying there while another person is having sex with that person it's not consensual.
I'm sorry if it's just so hard for you to ask because you think it kills the mood but suck it up. People had the same argument for condoms and look where that ended up. Especially if you both are drunk it's really important to see if you're on the same page the entire time and to not freak out if they do end up saying no. Blue balls is bull shit just jerk off when they leave I guarantee it will feel better than having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.