(Sexuality) Tips on continuing on this path?

YoungNegus
Im 21 years old now, during my teen years I was firmly associated with the lady but as I got older I started smoking weed, isolating myself and cause relationships to die and or never form. This has prevented my natural ability to get girls and due to family genetics I have a hard time stopping smoking cause im straight from the addicts belly.

After smoking for a while andhaving some trauma in my younger years from a lack of parental advice and a lot of bullying for having a name like Gage and being one of 3 black kids in my school. People would joke and call me gay or stretch the pronounciation. Now, I know this is all in fun and not intentionally trying to bother me but as a younging I would always react, since most the time I was being targetted.

This has grown into a somewhat worrysome behaviour and Im slowly trying to break out of all this trauma and family fuckery I've had to deal with that has driven me to depression and lonliness.

The issue though.

I am a virgin, by choice when it comes to heterosexual activities I have been with great girls, only a hand ful, but amazing girls. I have had the best and worst of times and im more than sure of my heterosexuality.

I am not a virgin when it comes to homosexual acts. Tried anal, blowjobs (mutual). No kissing though and I've never had a emotional relationship.

THIS is where my problem lies and what keeps me down and seems like more of a reason to keep on living sub optimally and half ass.

I know im straight but I've done something very gay and it sucks cause Id take it all back and the worst part is that it will always be a part of me. I still tend to see guys in a somewhat attractive light, nothing compared to a woman but having these feelings and the past I have I tend to act weird in otherwise normal situations. Situations with friends and family. I've become pretty queit and locked off to tho
(Sexuality) Tips on continuing on this path?
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