Have I went crazy after being raped?

Anonymous
I'll keep this very brief. I was raped about 6-8 months ago. It was by someone I used to date, and love very much so. We had problems throughout the relationship with jealousy, control issues, cheating, etc. We had sex prior before too, so thats another thing that has made it so hard for me to comprehend all of this, and take it all in. After I was raped, I didn't react like a "victim", I guess you could say. I did cry afterwards, and I didn't talk to him for a while except to ask why he did it. He just gave me a bunch of BS basically. It was about 2 weeks, then I started talking to him again. I felt like if I were to get back together with him, or at least be friends, I could normalize the situation. That only led to further issues. I ended up reporting it, and he walked free. I was a mess. I have got a lot better, but I am still not myself. I blame myself for how I reacted, I blame myself for not going back and doing something differently that could've possibly resulted in him being locked up. I hate myself for some of the things i've done in the past. I mainly hate him. I am still so angry, so hurt. I despise him, I despise anyone who talks to him, or is his friend. I no longer see him, thankfully. But I was done so dirty. My own FRIENDS ( some of them) even took his side, and the ones that didn't, but knew about this, still act shady and even follow him on social media. I don't know what to do anymore. I know its not worth hurting myself over, or violence, but I can't continue to be so angry. I am tired of being so mad. Is this normal? It will be a year since its happened in about 3 months.
Have I went crazy after being raped?
7
7
Add Opinion