What is it im still holding onto? He cheated! I should be DONE?

Anonymous
Ok, loonnng story short.. with my boyfriend (35y. o) for almost 4 years.. found out not too long ago that he cheated on me with a prostitute.. when i found out i confronted him - he lied, although extremely suspicious i didn't want to leave without 'proof' - by proof i mean i need to hear him admit it (idk y) he lied for months, got me pregnant, made me look crazy to everyone around me, then one night after a fight i left and wouldn't answer calls etc until he sent me a text saying he wanted to "confess something" so i call him.. and all he says is "ok i did it. I went to the brothel" i was devastated, he had tried to make me think i was insane! I gave him every opportunity to be honest, and it wasn't until id left and his FRIEND told him it would be better to be honest that he came clean. But this is a REALLY long story shortened as much as i can to fit it in this space.. anyway he has been trying to get back with me, saying he loves me and regrets it, it ment nothing, he's sorry and all the rest of it, but my problem is i dont believe this is the first time he cheated. He cheated on his ex's, has lied so many times its crazy, treated me like crap, called me names and put me down, put his hands on me and made me hate myself. And its crazy! Bcoz i dono why i find it so damn hard to just let go, even after all he has done.. i dont know if i need closure or to know that all those times he said i was crazy i wasn't... i dont know... sounds warped - because it is... and i guess what i want to know from others out there that have cheated on their partner... when you got caught did you lie and say it had only happened that one time? Why does he only want me now im gone if i was such a bad gf? Hoq can i tell if he's just playing with me again? How can someone hurt another person so bad yet still say they love them? I NEVER turned him down with sex and he could get it whenever however he wanted at home so why a prostitute? And why lie? AND WHY GET ME PREGNANT?
the pain is unbearable :(
What is it im still holding onto? He cheated! I should be DONE?
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