Am I wasting my time with this guy - a little help needed?


- Started speaking to a guy in July
- He split up with his ex of 7 years in April and they have a young kid together.
- messaged for 3 months talking most days without meeting (due to life stuff)
- Quite shy guy - not overly confident.
- Eventually decided if we had a few drinks when meeting would both be more relaxed.
- Met up - I stayed the night but did not have full sex (everything but - after 3 months of chatting it felt weirdly natural even though I know was quick.)
- spooned all night and had more fun in morning.
- He texted soon after to say he had a great time and would I be up for meeting again.
- He texted in the night to say could still smell me on the sheets.
- We met up again a few days later.
- He started to seem a bit quiet after this.
- No initiating meeting up - still responding to texts and messaging me back as fast as ever.
- tried to meet up again - he responds but the meeting up never happens (started to think he might be nervous about having sex as he asked if sex is what I wanted and I told him didn't need to be.)
- Went quieter and I asked again when free - he said he would let me know and we went on to have one of our long conversations.
- A week later he's being quiet again - I text and say that even if it's casual, I need to know that I'm not wasting my time, I like hanging out with him etc. and want to get to know him better, but that I felt like I was bugging him and maybe too forward for him.
- Came back to say he was really sorry for being so quiet but he's been really busy lately and he goes quiet when he's busy.
- He said my messaging doesn't bother him, not to worry, and when he's less busy we'll meet up again soon.
- We then went on to have a normal conversation for a few hours.

All the signs seem to point that he lost interest somewhere... But I've given him a few "outs." The fact he could have had sex with me 3 times but didn't is a unique one for me.

Interested? Not interested? Other? Help me out guys!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm. I mean, he may be decently interested but he may have some things going on in his life. Maybe he has been feeling sad lately, or maybe there is something going on with his ex. He doesn't sound like a good communicator and I think it is so annoying when guys pull away like that, leaving you to wonder why and if you did anything wrong.

    For some reason he doesn't want to see you and seems to show interest when he feels comfortable.
    You could ask him straight up what going on if it is important to you but realize that stating problems can make things worse when all you had to do was let it run its course,.
    Just do whatever feels right to you. That way you won't regret it too much.

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    • Thank you so much for that really thoughtful post. My instincts are saying he is genuine - our mutual friends say he is a great, genuine guy. In the past he has been blunt with me but I appreciate the honesty. I think his ex and the childcare commitments plus working late have stressed him out. He isn't a good communicator emotionally speaking/opening up etc. so the fact he even bothered to respond to my bring it up seems to be a positive. I am tempted to wait it out and message him once or twice a week to just check in and not pressure him to meet. It's just hard to tell when people are being genuine these days!

    • Agreed on the genuine things. Yeah, wait it out and see if he comes around. Then if you feel like you can't wait any long, think about what to do when the time comes. In the meantime, don't overthink too much. Good luck!

    • Thank you! I figure if we haven't met up by the end of the year, it likely won't happen and I'll still message him as I genuinely like the guy, but it will be in a friendship capacity. The hard thing is knowing whether to see other people during this time as for all I know he could be. Argue dating haha! And overthinking is my middle name haha

What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you need to corner him... find out what he wants. Ask him..."Do you really like me or do you just want to be friends?"..."Because I'm getting mixed signals".

    I think he will be too shocked to lie to you. It might be the push he needs to get over the hump.

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What Girls Said 2

  • 7 years isn't forgotten easily.

    Let's give him that. It might have even ended on bad terms, but I'd give him a year to get over her at least.

    He could be busy, yeah. BUT, if he *really* wanted to talk with you, he'd make the time.
    My most recent ex had 2 jobs and would work back to back for a few days in a row. STILL he managed to call me almost every night and send numerous texts a day.

    He might be struggling with everything going on. Maybe he's even depressed and wants just "me" time when he comes home.

    All in all- Can you keep feeling this way and be with someone who's not openly communicating with you? Can you do this for another year?

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  • He may actually have stuff going on? But it seems like he was interested and now he's not and he's keeping you on the back burner.

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    • Thank you. Yeah that's what I was worried about. But he didn't sleep with me when he had the chance which I am surprised about.

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    • Seriously! and just generally. Don't get me started on texting and all that!

    • Oh god I know. They're so much more complicated than theyd have us believe

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