Do guys care if a girl has had a lot of partners?

Also, what is a high number? I feel like I have had a lot of partners. Most of them were guys I was in a monogamous relationship with. I just feel really guilty about my past and I don't know how it is going to effect my current relationship. I was going through a lot of mental problems during my more promiscuous days and I wasn't getting help. Now that I'm in treatment I'm much better, but I can't get over the fact that I was a slut. I was never that type of girl. I was always good, and now I just feel disgusting even years after everything happened.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 8 is the average. a former girlfriend was 15, two others 30+. you know what they all had in common? clinical mental health issues. when you start to get into the double digits before 30, there is a deeper issue. in my opinion, your number should be about one per year you have been active, or less. more than that means you can't commit to much. in my opinion

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    • In the past, I couldn't commit. I had a lot of mental health problems that weren't being treated. I've spent the last two years in therapy, and I've been celibate and not in any relationship. I decided earlier this year that I'm ready to try and date, and I met a wonderful man who I can see myself falling for. I just don't want my past to ruin it all. I go to therapy, I take my medication, and I keep my mind and body healthy now. I just don't want mistakes I made to end it all.

    • good for you. I'm glad that you are getting the help you need. I know way to many women that ride the cock carousel because they need help, and they are not happy being alone.

What Guys Said 40

  • Yes guys care for many different reasons from it increasing the probability of her cheating/divorcing/being unhappy in long term relationships to the fact that, in the case of monogamous relationships, that she clearly has issues with maintaining those relationships as if you where good at it and/or a good judge of character you wouldn't have so many. If it was one night stands though, that's worse because not only do you have the issues above but the fact that he is now put into a position where he is expected to wine and dine you, among other things, in order to earn the right to have sex with you when all those other men that came before didn't have to do a thing. If he is paying what you gave to others for free, well that makes him think (and rightly so) that he is being conned, that he is wanted for his money and resources not for him.

    That said mistakes get made and a person can grow and become better then they once where (though this is rare in my experience). So I would say what was the problem, how did you change and what has been the duration of time between the time when you slept around and the time you did not (lots of women claim to have changed yet conviently for them the time frame is incredibly short or its when they got older and found it harder to find guys to fool around with both of which heavily suggest that she did not in fact change at all). Also what is the number of guys? If its one a year that's not too terrible but tis not good either, if it was more then that I would say that is a lot (i. e. by once a year I mean once a year since active obviously, so if you are 25 and you have averaged seven guys after being active at lets say 18 then that's not terribly bad but again its not necessarily good, some guys however would expect fewer partners then that.) I think that feeling bad about it does show that you are earnestly trying to change and as such I think many (but not all) would consider that a good sign and thus would be more willing to give you a chance then a woman who claims that their is nothing wrong with sleeping around (their is) and that he has to accept you no matter what (he doesn't (just as she doesn't have to accept him)) or something along those lines.

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  • It's honestly nobody's business but yours... not even your partners. You can tell them you're "experienced", but the actual number is irrelevant and not their business. Don't focus on it. If it were me, and I care about you, I don't care how many people you've been with. And if it's A LOT, I probably don't want to know the actual number lol, nor is it going to do any "good" to know this so why even ask is my thinking. And personally (if I like you), it's not going to change my opinion or feelings about you. I can't speak for all guys, but it wouldn't me anyway.

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  • So many "reasons" guys give. Yea we care but we don't have a choice. It's simply in our biology to feel like a woman who has 100 males sperm in her vagina isn't a viable mate. She's probably already pregnant. That's caveman brain shit. But we are all still cavemen really.

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  • It wouldn't make her any less of a person, and I wouldn't look down on her at all. However, there isn't a chance in hell that I would date her, let alone marry her.

    I have a right to my dating standards, and girls who have had even one monogamous partner, let alone multiple non-monogamous ones simply don't fit my standards. That's all there is to it.

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  • Even one hook up/ONS is bad and means she wouldn't be girlfriend material to me. A lot of monogamous relationships means she is bad at making decisions. If she knows she shouldn't be the one making decisions in the relationship then maybe that would help in the second situation.

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    • The number of acceptable partners (in relationships) inn my opinion would be one for every 3 years of age once you are 18. So 18 to 20 would be 1 partner. 21 to 23 would be 2 partners. Etc.

  • Guys do care, no worries. If you are an "experienced" girl, i don't think some guys would mind, but the relationship ones do mind because they need to trust the other person for a long term and as u said, you don't inspire trust. Even if u love him, that much, if oportunities are revealed, it is no use to say you wouldn t go for them as your past says different.
    To conclude, relationship guys mind it very much, casual 1 year relationship guys, or those who don t know what they want in life, wouldn t mind.

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  • Obviously guys care, a lot... thats why women lie about their number, get angry when men avoid dating them and we have all these questions about said women and a lot of articles about how dating them is bad investement.

    i know a girl who had over 10 partners in a year... now be honest what sane man would invest in that? its just not worth it, not to mention the bad reputation, the fact that you feel guilty just proves that you knew exactly what you were doing but choose to not care at the time thinking guys wouldn't care but at 28 with no serious boyfriend or any guy offering to marry you , you start thinking that maybe sleeping around wasn't a good thing.

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  • Yes.

    It matters.

    Guys who say it doesn't matter are probably not being honest with you.

    But who you are is more important than who you were. Don't ever forget that.
    And don't forget that the past is past and there's no use worrying about it. Your worrying won't change a god damned thing, so be the best you can be today.

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  • People cannot change their past. As long as the person with me, remains with me, her history just doesn't matter to me.

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  • unless you havenโ€™t scored a half century (i. e banged 50 guys) then i don't see a problem. although anything above 25 guys is too much to handle it guess for me๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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  • Yes, a lot of guys do. That's the harsh truth, just like a lot of women care if a guy is still a virgin past age 20. Though in your case it probably helps that they were in monogamous relationships.

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    • I'm just really worried BC I'm with a guy now, and we are taking things slow and I really like him and I can see myself being with him for a long time.

    • He's probably aware you're not a virgin, so just leave it at that. But don't go lying if the topic ever comes up and don't make him wait 6 months for sex or something like that or he'll start scratching his head about why you make him wait and not the guys before him (and I guarantee you the first thought in his head won't be "it must be that she thinks I'm so special", it'll probably more like "I guess her attraction to me isn't that strong as those other guys, what exactly is she using me for?").

  • its highly not prefered but things can change. Remember to elevate urself n to radiate self accrptance. make ur upgraded self, how u feel now, to be felt. u dont have to explain urself a lot. just be sincer in not being often accessable.
    put in ur mind thatu can rise & even make uself a hot prise.

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  • Sure a little, but what would i like to know the most is, when did her last relationship ended, and i don't want to waste my time with someone who's not yet over her ex.

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  • Actually guys do care. But they tend not to expect it because so few women are holding out for their future hubby.

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    • I regret not holding out. I feel like sex was so meaningless to me until I met the right guy. I don't know why we've been told that casual sex is OK BC it really isn't. For me it had been severely damaging to my self-esteem.

  • That depends on her age: a 40 yr old will have had more partners than a 14 yr old.

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  • If you're in a committed relationship and it's all in the past then it really doesn't matter. It's not uncommon to have regrets but there's nothing you can do about that except to accept it as what it is and move forward with your life.

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    • I did have ons here and there though and I feel disgusting. I feel like I just let men use me and I saw nothing wrong with it and it makes me sick. I honestly hate myself for it.

    • You've changed as a person since then, it's really unhealthy to dwell on the past, just try and forget about it, it will fade from your mind over time I promise you.

  • eh i used to, but at the end of the day you're not the slut you couldv been, i wouldn't mind if youve banged 20 cuz i know you couldv banged 40 just as easily

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  • Anything over 2 is too much. I wanna be the only one

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  • forget the past, live the present and strive to the future. I don't wanna know who's your ex, I only know about the present and the future, but not every guys is the same for some guys is it fun too hear it or scared be with you or because you are insecure about it..

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  • Over 6 is high

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  • Over 100 is a lot...

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    • It is no where near that high.

    • and I'm clean, so thank goodness for that. Straightened up my act before I got into any trouble.

  • When I was younger the thought used to bother me, but now I don't really think it's a big deal as long as the girl in question is clean.

    With that said, as long as you are clean-I don't think you should feel obligated to share that with your partner until you feel comfortable enough with them to bring up your past.

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  • if it is over 10 and you are under 30 dont tell him. you may not want to lie but if I love him you won't hurt him like that. our minds and pride can't handle it so your only protecting him. by the way I'm sure 50 to 100 by 30 is more realistic just never spoken or admitted.

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  • I care, I just don't like knowing she's been with a lot of guys

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  • yes.

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  • take it easy fucking with many not a big deal in todays era. so be relax it won't matter how many you fucked.

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  • As long as it still feels good and you both get off Who cares? Do you think they can tell by looking?

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  • yes we do care and sometime this became the reason for breakups also

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  • everyone has a past, come to. peace with it and allow yourself to be happy

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  • I would say it is some what of concern.. what numbers we talking

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